*trigger warning* the addiction ? Issue

I need some advice and i thought this may be best put here instead of the addiction thread, because it may be easier to explain the issue here than explain my DID there.

**Trigger*** sex

Im talking for myself this time. I am not used to text in forum so...
Im Kitty. And i cant help doing some hurtful sexual things.
I always go and do perverted things online with guys - pictures, webcam, etc. I enjoy it a lot

And the issue is. We have a boyfriend
So it results in a lot of guilt. Im not sure if im capable of feeling guilt. But others in my system feel it even more.
I know its wrong and i am sorry for it. It gets me in trouble with other alters.

But at the moment when i do this i dont care at all. Im not even aware of it being wrong. I just 100% dont care.
Its just me and my life and i forget about the others and everything... I been told its an addiction. Even when i can stop for months even years without withdrawalls.
Still im completely brain dead when i go and do this... I want to stop doing this for the sake of others.

I dont even know what else to say. Except for ....please help me.

hey there,
it's very brave of you to share all that. you are not alone.
Do you have a T who might help you with this?

One thing that could be valuable to find out is if there is someone else in the system influencing the situation.

we work a lot with behavioral approaches. they take some time but they help change behavior.
the first step we would take is start a log where we would write down
what we have done
what happened before that
what we thought or felt or needed before that
how we thought and felt after
and consequences of the behavior

its to help find the trigger for the behavior as well as help us see the damage, and therefore give us more motivation to change it.
if you can find a trigger that could help a lot. you could then start to modify behavior after the trigger and make a plan how to act instead.

the sexual stuff is difficult to deal with. it is often very much related to trauma experiences, sometimes acting out old stories too.
keep us posted. there are a lot more people who struggle with this than you think.

Hei thanks for the reply
Whats a t? I guess i dont have a t xD

And the trigger is mostly loneliness of Mia and boredom of me probably.
I do this too rare to find a journal thaaaat effective. Like i tend to do it a few times per year at max. But its always exactly the same.

a T is a therapist. sorry
we are looking back on a long history, 17 years of system-harming behavior that is connected to sexual stuff. and we WISH we had started taking notes years ago .even though it "only" happens about twice a year.
knowing that it happens eg when someone feels lonely means you can intervene the moment you notice they feel lonely and do something about it.
it means that you can make a plan what you can do when you feel bored and follow the list instead of doing stuff that is not good for you.

Okey therapist no we dont have that.

So what can i do against it?
Im trying to get friends and it ends up with the stuff above.

I am no therapist, so i cant tell you what to do. i can only share what we do.
that is:
find the parts involved
find the trigger
find the thoughts/feelings before it happens

then next time these thoughts/feelings appear
go to our prepared plan of action
that depends on the needs in that moment
if the feeling is loneliness the need might be company, so we call someone safe to talk or meet. instead of calling or meeting a stranger on the internet and do unhealthy stuff we try to meet the need in a healthy way.

sounds kind of simple, but its super hard to do in that moment... that is why it needs a plan. that is why we look at the situations so closely and figure out as much about it as possible. so we can learn how to meet the needs in a healthier way.

maybe others can add more perspectives to this. it is what works for us.

Mostly the triggers cant be avoided.
We re weak i guess.
And we have no safe person. Not really.
We can just sit here and cry hoping it gets better. Or we talk to strangers.

And if we could we would probably want a therapist. A good one at least.

you are not weak. This condition is overwhelming.

for us we have learned that these kind of sexual events are about control. About feeling in control of what is going on. Sexual control is very powerful. Sometimes is is about seducing someone so they cannot control themselves. Sometimes it is about being dominant. Sometimes it is about getting what we need.

And sadly sometimes it is about feeling control in a situation where we once had no control. Being powerful in a situation where we were once powerless. Being strong and able when we were once weak. Directing the outcome instead of bearing the outcome.

I suspect if it only happens now and again you will be able to identify the triggers. But yes I would find a T. They see things you can't see when you are going through things. And that is very very important.

strangers are ok. Especially if they are helpful and totally get what you are going through. Sometimes it is all we have.

and i forgot to echo what birdsong said, you are not alone with this and it happens to a lot of people here so thank you for being so brave.

I want sexual interaction so I wouldn't judge at all about an addiction.