How exactly are your little ones cared for?

Most of you know my back story: I'm a licensed psychotherapist who is deeply immersed with DID client; I came to this forum in the hopes of getting answers to issues as they arose, and you have all been SO GENEROUS with me in responding and teaching me--THANK YOU!

So here's the newest issue: My client (really it feels odd to call her my "client" after the relationship we've developed LOL) has several little ones in her family system. The trio of three who call themselves, corporately, "The Little Ones" have (at my request) befriended a child who was previously quite abandoned and alone in the system. This child is an elective mute (for reasons I don't have to explain in here). The Little Ones report that she is quite tiny/skinny. Which led me and the "host" to an odd question (one she didn't know the answer to): I know the kids are cared for by others in the system, but does this include feeding? Problem: the two main family members who have cared for the kids all this time haven't acknowledged that they understand the concept of everyone sharing one physical body, so you can appreciate my dilemma of how to approach this with them.

Thoughts?

Hi Teri,

Good to hear from you again.

There was kind of a problem in our system because some of us were caring for Littles but we didn't know how. I mean we just knew what happened to us and that really su*ked so it was like not knowing at all. I guess what I'm saying is parts taking care of Littles is kind of tricky and you may have to teach them how. Maybe they don't know you have to feed kids regularly and not to yell at them or punish them and stuff like that.

How this helps.

Iain

We have several who care for the children. My thought is that just the same way you create the inner world, you create food areas, formula, play areas, etc. Creating the inner space is a powerful process.

That makes a lot of sense, Iain.

Yours, too, rmf474.

Would you both mind elaborating?

Ditto to what Torey said. These responses are intriguing and helpful and I'd love to hear more!

Hi

The more self-absorbed Teens who don't empathise with the Littles ignore them completely: no food; no care; no love; no time.

Emma is the primary care-giver to the Littles. She ensures that they are fed and bathed. She is the first Alter to welcome a newcomer into the Castle, and if it's a Little she will scrub them clean, feed them, give them clothes, and a bedroom to sleep in. She's a little low on empathy and she struggles getting them to sleep soundly.

Some of the Tweens always look after the Littles. Their choices are not particularly healthy: sweets, lolli's, milkshakes. It's more about spoiling them.

I watch and check in on every Little. I make sure they have their stuffies before bed. I check on them throughout the night, covering them up when necessary. It's constant work but it's something the System never notices.

Good luck... Brett

something I think is really important when treating DID...
a system works with a logic that is often not connected to reality. some call it trance logic.
we find it very very helpful when our T tells us when our inner logic doesnt go well with the reality.
we find it not helpful at all when the T jumps into the system and uses the same twisted logic to help us. it just gets weirder and weirder that way. but when she helps us connect with the today-body and today reality it helps a lot.
I would think it is weird to try to feed a kid inside. I would have her be present when we eat our regular meals so that she sees that we have food.

I would agree with Annett. Our inside world has only the physical resemblance to the outside world, and not even rules of physics apply sometimes.

I would say that each one figures out the best way to comfort themselves and others, sometimes it may seem a bit out of the ordinary even inside but if it works, it works.

One of our littles requires more attention than the others, but we don't follow outside rules such as feeding. Maybe we should try it, see how it goes, though.

Hi Teri,

Our T says we have to be careful not to "replicate the conditions of the abuse inside or outside". We don't want to make things bad but we do it by accident sometimes.

TW
Like one time our T said she really needed to talk to Evan. So we told Evan if he didn't talk to T we wouldn't eat dinner (food's a big issue for Evan) That was so totally abuse but we didn't know it was wrong. We thought that was how you get kids to do stuff. Anyway our T found out and told us we shouldn't scare Evan like that.

The thing is we weren't trying to hurt Evan. We love him. But the mother said she loved us and did stuff like that all the time. It's confusing.

Iain

Thanks for caring.

Oh my word...I can't bgin to tell you how thought-rovoking and helpful these posts are. Thank you, thank you, thank you!

Actually, in my client's family system, the Littles have been cared for by twin teenagers from the very beginning. The comment about teens tending to spoil the littles is intriguing and I will check that out. I love all of these ieas!!! Thank you!!!