Bed wetting

Have searched this and can see that there are a couple of threads on it.....the thing is recently we have been having some difficult memories surfacing and someone has become terrified that we are going to wet the bed. This was a big problem when host? was an infant. Also getting intrusive thoughts about lots of stuff related to going to the toilet. Even writing the word is 'toilet' makes us very squeamish and we feel very embarrassed just visiting the bathroom. Don't like it...thoughts? Anyone one how to deal with this????

is this actually happening or is it bothering you in your mind?
could just be a flashbacks or part of you having a flashback.
did you try thorough distraction and grounding?
after that... can you find who of you is struggling?

Hi LittleMie

Have you thought of making the bathroom a really fun and interesting place to be? Don't laugh. There's plenty you can do to the bathroom to make it distracting and grounding. Turn it into a circus, or put in all your favourite books, squishes, posters.

Go in, and own the bathroom. Decorate it. Make it a happy place to go. Maybe put fairy lights up from your room to the bathroom so as soon as you feel the urge, you get to re-frame the experience.

Just a thought... Brett

I admire the courage. Dealt with the same thing definately an issue to me begging to share the trauma. I ask anything in our mind to stop so that it doesnt happen. If try certain foods are drinks at night if a problem persist. All of those things are connect mind to body to the areas of trauma. Gender switch if not wanting it noticed is a good idea too.

Maybe get an adult colouring book (or a kids one) and some other stuff you enjoy and put them in a pretty box in the bathroom. Then get your pencils out and color! If you want something less hands on, try putting pretty pictures in the bathroom, and keep it bright.

~LeX

Hi
I would like to talk about this too but I feel like there is a lot of I dunno taboo-ing around it in our community...
I myself feel much too ashamed to talk about this with anyone in my life even my therapist...but here are our two cents...

we had no big problems with bed wetting as a child...our host(s)? were dry early but in times of distress (I think) during our kindergarden time it would happen occasionly that one of the smaller ones would wet the bed when it was too scary for them to leave the bed (I think) or also very rarely when we were dissociating heavily during the day time. of course there was a lot of shaming and teasing about it from the side of our parents. when it happend they wouldn't help and would blame us and shame us a lot.

it never happend when we were teenagers but our host(s) often had an (irrational) fear of wetting the bed when sleeping over at other places.

we discovered we are more than one because littles had taken the body and when the host of that time came back and found they were wet and pictures were drawn in our scetch books and at the wall next to our bed. our body was 20 years old at that time.
this led to so much shame that at first that we weren't able to grasp what was going on - our host wished so much it was a physical condition because it would be easier to accept that. but it was so unregularily that this couldn't be the explanation (we even got tested for UTI etc).
In that time it also happend that someone wet the bed for one time which caused a lot more of shame and fear. but the same year we got the Dx and tried to be more understanding with those littles.

it got better when something distressing ended in our lives and when we began exploring our system more and got more accepting. we learned that we do have some very young alters who weren't potty trained because older alters had already taken over. and also a little older ones (3,4,5 years old) who are very afraid of going to the toilet and also of leaving the bed at night.
some also can't feel what is going on "down there" or overall in the body so they can't interpret the sings. some have numbness in their legs or other parts.
and all are very scared.
which leads to a fear of our host of wetting the bed. but it most of the time is just the fear of it. in 9 years since our Dx it happend three times.
but it will happen when very young child alters slip out alone during the day.

again there is a lot of shame revolving around this for us plese do not feed it more.

we haven't found a solution for it either. we are not co-con with the really small ones and so it is impossible to guide them when they are out. luckily we are able to make them stay inside or enough under the surface (when there are no really distressing events in our lives) that they wouldn't slip out when other bodied people are around us. so luckily no one knows that this happens or ever happend to us - not even our therapist.

but it creates a barrier: we weren't able yet to let the really troubled little ones have therapy because us adult ones are too afraid that this would happen during a therapy session. and really those would need some therapy or an understanding adult presence. but we couldn't handle the shame and humiliation that comes with it.

we tried:
- making the bathroom fun, having stuff there they might like
- showing the bathroom both at day and at night for it is not a scary place (for some there are wolves there and we tried to make them see that there aren't wolves, but they wont believe it when they are alone)
- beeing patient and asking to wake an adult or get one when they have to go
- asking inside what the cause of the problem is and trying to talk about those
- grounding games like mentioning five things around them and also let them mention five body sensations they have
- having an hour kids time before going to bed, to make them see there is nothing scary

for now the nights are not so much of a problem. when it happend we tried to be nice and patient about it and just took care of the wet stuff without beeing harsh - but there are some, especially the hosts who tend to shame the kids even more wanting them to grow up immediately.

so I'd be happy too to have some input or expierences from others even tho I feel there is a taboo about it in the community.

again luckily for us those really little ones only front in times of extreme distress so this problem only surfaces during those times. and nobody knows and it is one of our biggest fears that someone would know.

LittleMie is there something in your life that might bother really little ones? overall trouble? or is everything "normal"? because when there is nothing you can think of that is causing them distress maybe it is an alter you don't know yet? who suffered during the time you had promblems with bed wetting as an infant and now is making contact or gets triggered at night? have you tried to communicate with the alter (through talking through or journaling or in your headspace)? do you have inner helpers who might be able to comfort a really little person if you can't reach them?
sorry just suggestions and things I tried and can think of.

I'm really sorry you are having a hard time with this intrusive thoughts and the fear of it!!
I hope you (all) feel better soon!
kat

Sincere thanks to everyone who replied to this thread. Sorry it has taken so long to reply but things are a bit tricky at the moment. We have taken lots of positives away from the responses. This is the action we have taken and it has proved helpful in the day to day settling of the littles concerned. We have puppy pads which we now place under our sheets and we also have a towel that can go inside our PJs. This seems to be providing reassurance that if there was to be an accident then it would be ok.

We are struggling to do anything with the bathroom because our motivation is so low. The cistern leaks so we have had to switch the water off to the toilet so to flush we are using a bucket filled from the bath. Our concentration is really poor so getting this fixed has become a problem. This has got worse as now our shower is broken. (Happened yesterday) and this has thrown our morning routine out the window as we need to find another way to get clean.

Am learning to trust T a little bit more so beginning to open up a bit better. She is trying to help us provide more reassurance to the little concerned.

anyone who could help you/ make calls for you and arrange for repairs?
we sometimes fail with stuff like that but we have a trusted friend who organizes stuff for us when we call her.
L&A

birdsong87 wrote:anyone who could help you/ make calls for you and arrange for repairs?
we sometimes fail with stuff like that but we have a trusted friend who organizes stuff for us when we call her.
L&A

We are going to have to learn this. Our default setting is to work round things. Asking for help seems impossible so we find a solution that means we avoid speaking to anyone about it....this morning has been spent considering how to stay clean until we feel able to ask for help. We have benefit assessment on Monday and a friend is travelling from away so she can attend the meeting with me. It may be we have to show her the problems and write down the help needed in case we avoid talking about it. It feels like self sabotage, like we have to demonstrate how useless we are coupled with also how undeserving we are. It is perhaps no coincidence that this has all arisen with the emergence of various bits of trauma and the need to keep Annie feeling clean and safe and not worried about wetting the bed and being smelly. Maybe that is it, get the bathroom sorted, that is looking after Annie that is self care. That is self care. We should make it a priority. We will get there.We will get there.

Thank you L&A

Update - think progress has been made here. A big issue for Annie has been the fear of wetting not actually and the consequences not actually wetting. Our solutions to date had all been ways of making things safe if it should happen and reassuring Annie that it is not her fault. We had a breakthrough and it was all about communication. We realised that all the precautions in the world did not actually deal with the fear of what happened if things got wet. Being worried about what people would think, that there would be a telling of, that somebody would smell, somebody would be made fun of etc etc.

So we stopped scapegoating Annie with this. It had got to the point where we were having to put a thick towel inside our pants even during the day - just in case - and although accidents didn't happen the fear was there permanently. Last week after T we came home and Annie was told that it would be ok even if she did wee. To prove it we just weed with the towel in place. I must admit it was difficult to just let go but we did it. We were then able to prove that nothing bad happened afterwards. The towel went straight into the washing machine, PJ's didn't get wet and we made sure that the body was all clean and smelled nice. In the afternoon we bought a sticker book. Most importantly nobody got into trouble. I think it was important that all the ground work was there to make sure things did go well but Annie is now certainly a lot happier and feels more accepted. Anxiety has reduced considerably.