utter chaos

Our system is in complete chaos.
Dani got a ticket last night for making a left turn on a right hand only lane after I told her NO.
Crying.
BAd dreams.
Cutting.
Sleeplessness
Insane moments.
I feel like I have finally cracked.
We saw Bunny tonight for an emergency session at about 8:45pm and spent about an hour in there crying.
I have been crying pretty much nonstop for 3 days.
Oh, well ... I get it together enough to go to work...

and whats going on you ask??

I dont know!!
Internal rebellion?!
Non-cooperation?!
The alters being upset...
The alters are mad at me for some reason so they aren't working with me.
But why so mean to?
And why so emotionally unstable and crazy.
I am so overwhelmed.
I just want to stay in bed and cry for a long long time. and then sleep.
I think I want to go to bed now.

Aw, I'm sorry you guys (well, Dani) got a ticket for the driving... I've only just come in from work and Kane was doin 110mph on the motorway, which hasn't happened for a good few months, luckily he didn't get caught- it must be co-incidence, this post of yours, well concerning the driving part anyways. it's horrible getting a ticket.

*hugs*

I wonder if there's something underlying your alters actions towards you? I bet not all the alters are being mean to you... Well, get yourself a nice cup of hot chocolate and a nice warm bed comfort is key!

hugs & good wishes,

_-*-_Deliah_-*-_

Awww, total suckage. Hope you get things together and your alters stop being twats to a girl as nice as you.

So sorry things are not as they should be, Lark.

Two things came to mind when I read your post.

Is it perhaps an anniversary of a death of someone quite significant in your life? Or maybe an anniversary of some abuse? I've known of others who have these chaotic periods (selves included) and, when they give it consideration, it usually happens at these times. Just something you might like to consider.

The other thing that came to mind was something that will undoubtedly not go down well with everyone here. But .....

We - Augmented and her alters - have a strict rule that ONLY the licenced driver among us (Augmented) will actually drive. We agreed to this after a couple of "moments" that could have been disastrous. Rather than being integrated (in the sense that psychs would prefer ), we are co-conscious and it just works better when driving. There were ruffled feathers galore when first the rule was made, but everyone is okay with it now.

HOPE YOU FEEL BETTER SOON LARK! THAT REALLY SUCKS! I GET THAT WAY TOO WHEN I'M STRESSED OUT, AND MY ALTERS HAVE A COMPLETLY DIFFERENT OPINION ABOUT SOMETHING. I'VE NEVER HAD TO DEAL WITH IT FOR 3 DAYS. THAT'S ALONG TIME. YOUR HEAD MUST BE THROBBING. THAT'S A GOOD IDEA TO REST, AND TREAT YOURSELF NICE. YOU DESERVE IT!

BENNY

Seeing Bunny helped. I don't feel like I need to be in a straight jacket anymore. My poor students. I LITERALLY went crazy on them for a few minutes laughing and playing the piano like I was mad. it was something straight out of a movie all I needed was for men in white coats to come and drag me away. That was how bad I felt...
The new medicine I am on prevented any major migraines, until lAlA had a seizure last night and then we woke up this morning with a terrible migraine, but lovely terrific FANTASTIC medicine ... I took regular Excedrin and my migraine went away COMPLETELY in a half hour.
I am very stressed and I realize that now. There are anniversaries, and memories that are upsetting the alters. Plus we are having major financial troubles. We are facing having to put off school another semester because of money and that KILLS us, and we are trying to find another job and possibly another place to live. All of that plus my insane family deciding that they are more insane then ever...
we just cracked up and went slightly over the edge this week...
But Bunny and Eliza and my sister Cory all helped to bring us back.
For now we are doing a little better.
Thank you all...
We love you guys!!!!