Altar/host relasionship?????

Hi,
I'm new here and looking for some help from people that have more of an idea than I do about things. I have PTSD, am Bi Polar and have DID. I am also the eternal optimist hence being here and asking for your help. This may seem like a really strange question and it is not an easy one to ask. For many, many years I had a very destructive altar who was constantly trying to do us in. He nearly succeeded a few times. I have spent lots of time using varying techniques to help him understand how amazing he is and that we all deserve to live. The change in him has been amazing. He is now protective and very caring. He wants to look after me. Something happened last night that I'm not sure I understand. Is it possible for and altar to have romantic relations with the host (me)? Please help. I am very confused.

Hi there

Great stuff you got to support the part of youse who was destructive.

Romantic relationships in system aren't unheard of. I am in one of those.
Anything goes long as you like it. It's your (plural) mind after all!

Also glad to hear you've been able to help him.

Yes, it happens. Technically, the host is an alter. Alters are people and people have needs, including affection. Treat him like you would an outside person. That works for us, anyway.

the inner world is a fantasy world. pretty much anything is possible.
the real question is, does it help?
we find that most things we do either move us toward more dissociation or more integration.
entertaining the idea that dissociated parts are really seperate people living in one body usually increases dissociation.
in our experience Ts invest a lot of energy to explain patients that they are one person in one body, split into many parts who each hold some of the memory, feelings, needs etc.

birdsong87 wrote:the inner world is a fantasy world. pretty much anything is possible.
the real question is, does it help?
we find that most things we do either move us toward more dissociation or more integration.
entertaining the idea that dissociated parts are really seperate people living in one body usually increases dissociation.
in our experience Ts invest a lot of energy to explain patients that they are one person in one body, split into many parts who each hold some of the memory, feelings, needs etc.

I think getting closer to your others, in whatever form that closeness comes naturally, is helpful, even if all it does is make the parts involved happy.

I agree, when interactions between alters are limited to the inside world then that would cause those parts to resort to dissociation to spend time together.
Personally, we do this to a limited degree but see no harm in it personally as time spent zoning out while we do stuff inside is limited nowadays and it hasn't interfere with our daily obligations in a long time.
We also spend time when we are co-present but focused on the outside world. And I certainly don't see co-fronting or co-presence as an increase in dissociation Mind, you don't have to be a couple to do that either ;P

Also agree that it is important to recognise that we are all parts of the same being, no matter how separate we feel. We lead one life and have to compromise on and share everything that entails.

I have a sense that those last two comments were in response to somethong I said. If so, may we discuss the "people vs parts" thing via private message? (I don't want to hijack Dolphinmuses's thread, but I do want to talk about it.)

it wasnt about your post. i think its a topic that comes up automatically when one questions how real or how helpful an inter-alter relationship might be.
i think its a topic that many might be interested in. why dont you start a new thread and invite everyone to share their point of view?

Truly_happy wrote:I have a sense that those last two comments were in response to somethong I said. If so, may we discuss the "people vs parts" thing via private message? (I don't want to hijack Dolphinmuses's thread, but I do want to talk about it.)

I just prefer the term "part" to alter so that's what I use most the time I know it implies something less than to some but it never felt like that to me and mine. We're people and we're parts
Also totally agree about hosts being parts/alters too.

I think people's experiences and convictions about what is helpful or ok vary widely and often any departure from the norm can feel threatening to at least some parts/alters.
I think hearing about internal relationships can be very disturbing for some systems and they can be quick to judge (not this thread - just past similar threads on various platforms I have participated in)

So that's why I felt like writing a little more about our experience because it is not counterproductive for me and mine.

For me it's important to go for what i want from life provided it doesn't hurt anyone.
That, to me, is enough merit.

Dolphinmuse wrote:Is it possible for and altar to have romantic relations with the host (me)?

Yes, it is possible; it happens.

Is this something you consent to? You have the right to choose and to expect your choice to be respected.

Una+ wrote:

Dolphinmuse wrote:Is it possible for and altar to have romantic relations with the host (me)?

Yes, it is possible; it happens.

Is this something you consent to? You have the right to choose and to expect your choice to be respected.

Firstly, thank you all so very much for your help and support. I dont feel so alone now. I live in a tiny country town in Australia and have very little help or knowledge to grow with. Most of what I know comes from two books that I was able to find. You all make a lot of sense.
As to consent, yes. Adam would never do anything to hurt me now. He only wants to help me and look after me. I guess that's why it all seemed so amazing. Anyway, it feels like a good and healing thing I think. I hope.
The next question is am I cheating on my husband? It seems like a strange question to ask but I really don't know the answer.
Than you all again for your thoughtful advice and help.
Is it ok to keep you posted and ask for more help if it gets confusing?
Dolphinmuse