Alter that always has to feel like he's in control

I have one alter my other four have integrated already. This alter always wants to be in control and if he's not he throws a huge fit and yells at me to stop. He has me smoking two to three packs of cigs. A day I've tried to stop but he just throws his fits. Has been since day one. I'm four years dx'ed with did. And my alter Owen has to have me do nothing so people will " laugh" at me. Hehe gotten rid of all but a few friends and he stays quiet in front of them. But I have nothing to talk about since I'm not "allowed" to do anything. And my boyfriend complains I do nothing yet the same happenings no matter what I try to do. He yells and throws his fits. He's protective in a way, and evil in another and he likes being called evil. All I'm allowed to do is what he likes which is to waste money on game apps. Or watch the few shows on tv that I like. But, if he's mad he'll just talk his way out of me watching the show, acting stupid, laughing at things he brings up that have happened a long time ago. He says he wants me to suffer all my life. And my T graph proves I have much higher depression and anxiety over these four years. I can't talk to him he just lies or tells me he wants my body and him to be the host. But he's the intruder, he refuses to cooperate, just wants everything to himself. He is like my mother was when I was abused. But, at least I was allowed to do things. Now year by year Owen is getting worse at controlling me sometimes I give up and he takes my eating disorder and throws up a few times, to make me "suffer" I'm completely numb to him and others since he likes to yell at my dad and live in boyfriend at times. Just so they know who's boss my boyfriend won't have it and degrades Owen. But I just get yelled at more and Owen laughs at me for being degraded even though he clearly knows he was the one being degraded. Anyone have a similar alter, Anne can share there experience with dealing with them?

Right now I'm suicidal and depressed from all the yelling and controlling my alter has done. I'm too scared a red to end it, but then the pain would be gone. Misfired of my alter being so destructive to me and causing anguish. I've looked into inpatient treatment in sf. But I just emailed them with my problem. Their probably gonna be too expensive as well. I feel all alone, I know I have to help myself but feel all alone to this never ending battle.

Sorry that it is as bad at it is

But you seem to have got a rather good therapy/help over these four years, but why wasnt Owen adressed during that time too?
It is not uncommon for "misguided protectors" to want or need full control and to behave in a way that makes it hard on the others, is he one of those characters or did he have a different role before?
Was he maybe too difficult for the therapist to deal with back then?
People arent born evil, not even alters are born evil, they behave as they do for a reason... There must be something that isnt good in his life that makes him behave as he does..
Smoking is also a way to dampen anxiety, high doses of nicotine is sedative https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Nicotine# ... ve_effects

I'm Owen, I want control cause Sonia the host doesn't know how to find friends. I know how to and want more friends. She got depressed last night because of me. I didn't want that. I just don't want to do anything but talk to people. But she doesn't like it all the time. I do like a lot so some of his may be a lie, but that's what I have to say.

Hi owen, seems like bad thrust and bad communication between you two then..
when you live together as you do, then it is also very important to have a good and honest communication too. it is not an option but a requirement to have that

I do lie a lot so some of this may be a lie

hmm, i have a frient who also lies a lot. it is very annoying and it puts him in a bad light with new people we meet too. however he has certain social situations where he lies , and then at work he is very honest instead. but his lying is obviously a way to create communication without content. is that also what you do too?

Hi again Owen
Just thinking: what about the smoking? is there a reason you need to smoke so much? do you have some anxiety that needs to be taken care of maybe?

I smoke so my host Will have health issues in the future. I contacted for her, and I never will. I want control of the body and won't communicate. I don't like being here but like making her suffer a lot. She has managed to calm me down for now. But I always look for reasons to yell at her, even if it's nothing.

panther99 wrote:I smoke so my host Will have health issues in the future.

You do know that it is your common body? if the body gets healthissues , then both of you will have to live with those healthissues. the body is your vehicle in life and you are both parts of the same body... Host is just a different name for driver. So, if you want to control the body then you are the one who is going to suffer healthissues in the future..
-However, you can both be drivers togeher too.. or you can timeshare the body as life permits.

I think of it as the hosts body. I don't care if I did as well. I just want to get back at my host. I can do things like raise her heart rate and make her fat. But that's not enough for me I want her miserable. Sure I give her breaks, but never for long. I'm back at yelling at her for no reason at all, I hate her and won't give a reason why, cause I have no reason. I manipulate her to get me the things I want to get her fat. And she does it for awhile, then I'm punnished, and don't get anything I want. I lie about what I want to do, cause I let her do nothing. I want her laughed at. And no one laughs at her. She can't get out of her relationship with her boyfriend or ill yell at her for months and have her waste her money at the hospital just to make her fatter. I hate my host and I won't talk to her unless it's a lie. I hate everything that doesn't give me anything in return. I'm not her abuser, though she did some of he same things. I just want to take over to have control of something for life. I don't want her here and I can't get rid of her. I just want to do with her body as I will, and get her infected with std's but I won't black her out. I want her to see every I do to her. But she never lets me do anything.

Ouch, thats a really bad relation you got with eachother..
But i understand what you mean... this is not a healthy relation you got with eachother, and i hope she reads this and understands why you react as you do..
-However, if you want to be the host in the future then it will be your body, too... that is a physical reality that you cant escape.. but i guess that you dont believe that you ever will be a host at all..