feel like nothing's real (tw?)

it's been so so bad. honestly feel like nothing is real at all, never has never will be. its been like this for so long. when will it ever stop. i just want to be better. things look so bleak i don't know what to do. i'm so young. i just don't know what's next. i'm trapped here in this house. they want to keep me here and control me. control everything. they erase my identity and put themselves there. they want me to be them. like a hivemind. i can't do that. i want to leave...but i don't want to leave. i don't know what its like out there. nobody ever taught me how to live on my own. nobody ever taught me anything? i don't remember them ever caring. they just hated me and i was a burden to them. i can't help it. it's not my fault i'm not their perfect son. i keep forgetting who i am, it's scary. i know i'm dissociating bad sometimes i just want to fall into a dreamland, somewhere better than this place. i feel so young and i'm so sad. i don't know what to do!!! i'm stuck.

- william

Sorry you're feeling down and so dependent. Do you have a crisis line you can call?

For what it is worth, no one can "teach" anyone how to live. That is something we all have to learn for ourselves.