I need guidance, please....

Hello!

I've been quite confused for a while now and I think it would just help to have the input of other people who know more than me about DID. I've looked at a lot of stories and statements by people with DID and what I have just seems so different but at the same time similar???

The 'personalities' I have persay aren't really other people, but I would just consider an extension of "me". It's like... if someone had a different mask of how they act in front of different people but they're a bit more manifested and have their own opinions and tend to encapsulate a certain attitude/emotion and we'll have conversations in my head about things? If I look back at my life I can clearly pinpoint when certain versions formed? Like when I was 11 my "depression" me formed and was who I was until I was 16 and then I'm here?? I'm still not 100% whether who I am now was here before or is brand new but I would currently consider myself the primary but at the same time no??? I'm very unaware of when things switch around because it's a very common and quick thing. Eg. I'll be thinking as myself while another is in control of what I'm doing or another will quickly take over and I'm still there just not in the front? Or there will be a complete switch and they'll be thinking and in control but then we'll switch back and it feels so normal and like we're cohabiting? I'm just very confused by it all.

The others I can think of at the moment are "depression" me, short tempered and very "no #######4" but also cares a lot and is intellectual (we're on good terms and switch interchangeably a LOT, especially when I can't handle things or need more confidence); "judgemental" me, very conservative and judgemental and insulting - similar to my mum in personality but more of a biting way of speaking, but also very aware of how others see us; "me", much more bubbly and social and what most people see me as. I know there are others scattered that pop in every now and then but I haven't really labelled them?

It's always difficult talking about this because that's when I struggle to remember details or who is here and what they are like, but when I'm not thinking about it, it's all so effortless and we live together normally - it just feels so natural. I just need some validation I guess? I'm always second guessing and just need someone to confirm so I don't feel so heavy and feel I belong a bit more?

Ugh, help plz

Whenever someone is thinking they might have a severe mental illness, I always highly encourage them to consult a professional about it. We cannot diagnose you here, unfortunately. A psychiatrist can, however! They will be able to help you figure out what's going on and guide you in the right direction.

With that being said, what you're describing does not sound like DID. It sounds more like OSDD than DID to me. Many OSDD systems describe their "parts" as an extension of the core personality. OSDD alters are usually less distinct than DID alters (this is not always true, though) and a person with OSDD usually (but not always) do not have as much amnesia & black outs as a person with DID does.

Please understand that DID and OSDD are disorders caused by extreme, repeated childhood trauma. If this does not apply to you than you cannot have it. It's possible that someone could have repressed trauma memories (as in, they do not remember them), though. I once did not remember any of my traumas or abuse. Your brain does this in order to protect you. Your memories will start resurfacing when it thinks you are ready and capable to handle them (or something triggers them).

One of my alters posted this information on a different thread and I think it'll be beneficial to you. An acquaintance of mine runs an informative/coping blog for DID systems. I think these articles he wrote will help you get a better understanding of DID:

Symptoms and Origin:

DID develops almost exclusively in children 7 or under, but onset can range up to around 9 years infrequently. DID develops when a child still lacking in concrete identity undergoes extreme repeated trauma. Naturally dissociating, the child in pain replaces their self image with that of another, substituting another better suited to withstanding pain. Memories become fragmented to protect the core personality, who may not be made aware of abuse until later in life. These created personalities, or alters, may assume control separately or together. Because of the nature of this disorder, to protect a young child from pain and negative memories, many are not aware they have this disorder until later in life. Alters are made to protect a hurt child. Repeated and extreme trauma is necessary for DID to develop, usually alongside severe emotional manipulation. New alters can be formed after the initial development when new trauma or large life struggles come up that no preexisting alter is capable of dealing with.

Symptoms of DID are widely varied. The primary symptom of DID is dissociation- a term that is used to describe the severe and chronic disconnection from reality. This can include lapses in memory, “fuzzy” or “blurry” feelings or perceptions of the world, loose or absent sense of self, difficulties making coordinated movements, etc. Dissociation takes many forms. Significant amnesia is required to make a diagnosis of DID, and with many disorders, a significant impairment in normal life functioning must be present.

Always includes: dissociation, amnesia, separate personality states

Usually includes: headaches/body aches/other physical unexplained symptoms, handwriting/voice/typing differences, ease of hypnosis/meditation, mood swings, depression, anxiety, poor eyesight or hearing

Can sometimes include: hearing voices, other hallucinations, inconsistent allergies

People with DID are often diagnosed with other mental illnesses comorbidly.

And another for you:

Do I Have DID?

Have you experienced extreme and repeated trauma before the age of 8? You may not be aware of full extent of the trauma, but you must be aware it is there to be diagnosed. “Natural" systems are not DID. DID cannot occur without trauma.

Do you have large and unexplained gaps in memory and issues forming recent memories? Such as forgetting your childhood, misplacing items, missing hours from your day, coming to in unfamiliar places, etc.

Do you have distinct and separate personalities? You may not be aware of switching occurring, but those close to you may complain of inconsistent memories and personality traits, you may find notes or internet history you don’t remember, etc.

If you meet these, you may have DID. If you meet some but not all, you may have DDNOS/OSDD/USDD or DPDR. Alternatively, dissociative symptoms can be caused by a large variety of other mental health issues, some physical conditions, drug use, etc.

Q. I have these traumas. Is that enough to have DID/OSDD/etc?

A. I don’t know you, bud, and I don’t know what you’ve been through. Everyone experiences trauma differently and what doesn’t affect someone much can shake someone else’s entire world. Try to find a therapist to talk things out with, and try not to push yourself into an extreme right away.

Q. I have a system/headmates but no trauma? Do I have DID?

A. No. DID is far, far more than having headmates or hearing voices. You cannot have DID without early extreme childhood trauma.

- archer

i have recently talked to a T who is working with ego state therapy for people who dont even have a dissociative disorder, just ordinary people who struggle in some areas of life.
systemic psychotherapy sometimes has people communicate between those "parts" of their self and it is pretty useful therapy. but its not DID. not even dissociation. "all people have parts" is what they say.
if there is nothing else connected to it, like a bunch of other symptomes that really cause you trouble, i would just accept it as the reality that is taking place in every human being and that nobody really talks about or thinks about too much.
that T we talked to, he said that there is nothing like one whole person, and that all people are made up of smaller versions of themselves, shifting to the version that seems to be useful at that moment. personality is nothing that is set in stone.

if you want to get a better idea about your symptomes you could start with a screening tool like the dissociative experience scale (DES) that you can find on this forum. it can give you a better idea of what it really is you are dealing with.
as firedrake says, we cant diagnose you. if the DES is somehow indicating that there might be a bigger problem its wise to seek professional help to figure out what exactly it is.

I don't know it could be DiD. I was a lot like you in my teenage years, just thought I was acting how I was supposed to act in certain situations. All of them me, just a different me, just like you explained. However, deep down I knew it was more but didn't know what. Then a few years later some very life changing stressful things happened and I snapped I guess. I had several symptoms of DiD, dissociation, and derealization, etc. Had these other voices speaking (internally) to me, thought I had finally gone completely mad, and stumbled onto DiD. I wrote everything down before doing research. And everything I found out, matched me perfectly. Next thing I know I am seeing a therapist and after some time she finally diagnosed me with DiD and a couple other things. Anyway, you may have it, you may not. Only a professional can help you, most of the time.

Hi Meganigan,

As birdsong87 says, most people have "parts" of themselves whether or not they have a dissociative disorder. If you don't experience dissociative symptoms like derealization (the feeling that things around you are not real or a disconnection between yourself and the world around you), depersonalization (the feeling that you aren't real), or other forms of dissociation (such as dissociative amnesia and "possession" experiences), there is probably no reason to worry.

I'll expand more on dissociative symptoms.

If you feel like your different "yous" have taken control of the whole body (or parts of it) with or without you knowing, or if you find that they have access to memories that you don't, these experiences may point to a dissociative disorder such as DID or (more likely) OSDD.

It is helpful to understand how your "yous" act under stress, as well as if you experience dissociative symptoms under stress. This would clarify the extent of your possible dissociation. Also be aware of the possibility of forgetting about amnesia experiences.

Remember that only an experienced medical professional can diagnose you or dispense professional advice.
Host and Shadow