stability thru fusion?

its another integration question, i know...

we are trying to find a way to bring more stability to some in our system.
and i was kind of wondering if sometimes fusion could be a way that alters can help each other out...

see, we've got L who is really exhausted and tired of everything but she has a big heart. and we have D who is incredibly strong and resilient, yet drowning in utter loneliness.
wouldnt it somehow make sense for them to have a fusion kind of thing so they wont be weak and lonely anymore?

i have to admit that i know nothing about what that fusion stuff feels like. so i dont know.
anyone here with fusion experience who could tell me if my logic is totally flawed?

I think it depends on what you mean by 'fusion.' When I read the term in the professional literature, it often seems to be forced and unnatural as if you can simply 'shove' 2 or more alters together. Any time I have taken that approach with the girls in my wife's system, suggesting 2 of them connect more deeply BUT they weren't ready for it, it has backfired and created more stress for the system.

However, there are 2 sets of 2 girls who are naturally fusing in my wife's system. The defender and inside mother have become BFF's on their own accord. They have both become my girlfriend and then later they chose to both become pre-engaged to me. They both act like millenials. They both began to explore physical intimacy with me. They tell me they are nearly ALWAYS together and I can see it. The defender has picked up so much of the inside mother's grace and charm when she, the defender, debates with people on the internet. And I think the defender has rubbed off on the inside mother as well.

The other 2 girls were the littlest ones. They began naturally to fuse: they adopted each other as sisters on their own. They are nearly inseparable now. They use the same voice because the one girl only speaks a gibberish language on her own. And yet the gibberish speaker has greatly helped the other one to mature in many, many ways. When they began to connect the one girl's nightly nightmares disappeared almost instantly. And they help each other in so many ways it would take me pages to explain.

But the important thing is: it was all voluntary. I made suggestions, but unlike the 'experts' I did NOT force anything. And the fusion is 'at will.' Sometimes they still want to do things on their own and we don't make them feel like it's a step backwards when they choose to do that. So, yes, I would say 'fusion' can be a huge help to bring stability to individual alters when it is done correctly because I have seen it work for the girls in my wife's system.

Sam

I've had 3 fusions. My experience, and the DID research literature, and memoirs by other multiples, says:

Fusion generally does resolve the problem of being a depleted ("tired") alter. And it adds fullness to life because your self is larger, has more dimensions, is more resilient.

Fusion does not cure loneliness. Instead, it makes loneliness worse and adds an interval of grieving. Where before fusion there was a subjective intimate other to commune with, post fusion the other is gone.

Loneliness has other solutions. For me self disclosure has been a key part of reducing loneliness. Disclosure is more than just "coming out". At first disclosing was very hard to do but it has gotten easier and the results are worth it.

Hmmm... not sure if my experience can be of much help, other than to show how DIFFERENT each DID system can be....

Two of my insiders just "fused" about 2 months ago... (1st time it's ever happened )
I had no idea it would happen, and neither did they... "The System" just did it, i guess.
*note: all of my alters are totally separate on the inside, they do not see or know each other, they have lived their whole lives in isolation (most of them 41 years)
Jabbekpheka fused with Domella, and became a whole NEW ALTER named Nanette.
Nanette has NO memory of (or memories from) or even knowledge of Domella or Jabbek's existence
When she came into existence, she had no idea who she was, where she was, why she was here, etc.
It happened because I completely HEALED from the trauma that created Jabbbek (a surgery 3yrs ago)
I guess she was fused with Domella because they were both sexual-protector alters...(?)
I definitely experienced a period of grieving for the loss of D & J... but it was brief.
I adore Nanette, she's a sassy li'l hottie and has blue hair ~ pretty out of the ordinary for us!

~ But ~ I think I can relate to what other are saying about having a feeling of more 'wholeness' or whatever... there is a certain sexual issue I have struggled with my whole life...
Ok I will be forthcoming and say that I have always been able to fantasize about sex with my lover, but unable to initiate it ~ and that issue has totally gone away. It does feel as if something has "clicked" into place, more "connected" somehow... more "whole" I suppose. More natural.

This seems really different from what I've read about others; there are some who have several alters fused into one, but any one of their alters can "un-fuse" at will and do something individually before fusing back together again... my system is not made that way at all. Once a change happens, it is permanent and irreversible in my system. We are all SO UNIQUE!

honestly Una, why would you tout the 'research' and 'the memoirs of others' specifically to denigrate our experience and then act like loneliness and grieving are a natural consequence of fusion? Neither of those were a part of my wife's experience, but hey, maybe we just did it wrong...

I had a kind of fusion/partial integration between alters happen.
My 8 and 11 year old.
Originally the 8 year old was happy all the time and just danced around spinning lots, but when she tried to grow into a bigger girl, something there always scared her and she returned to 8.
My 11 year old ** TRIGGER WARNING **

...felt like she was covered in garbage, filthy, with pus coming out from her skin and she was stinky... this was due to her blaming herself of abuse. She really wanted friends and love but couldn't go very near any other littles, and if she did, she was worried of stinking anyway.

** END TRIGGER**

When the 11 year old learned she was after all just a normal little girl and none of anything was her fault, all the above went away and then she fused with the 8 year old for a few days. They were like Siamese twins. Then they pulled apart again but they had become true sisters, and they both had taken after the other's good sides. The 11 year old is learning to laugh, have fun, and even help other littles if they're crying, and the 8 year old doesn't feel so weird about growing big anymore. They play and sing together a lot now and they make each other happy. They both definitely are doing a lot better now than before.

samrk2 wrote:honestly Una, why would you tout the 'research' and 'the memoirs of others' specifically to denigrate our experience

Samrk2, there was no denigration. I did not even glance at your previous post. I responded to birdsong87 directly from my own personal experience and written sources I trust. Moving on . . .

Grief and mourning are part of the healing process. They are part of being and feeling fully alive, of experiencing passion.

Hi -

As other posters mentioned I am as well not sure if what I experience is fusion, blending, a high level of co-con or what. I am doing my best not to overanlyze and categorize my experience because I find this a distressing activity.

I agree with your logic - if this is what you are thinking - that having two parts together to complement each other would bring strength and stability. This is what our system is doing. It started without intent and now we do it with intent. Drawing on strengths, motivations and desires. Because we have realized a compartmentalized self can often not receive the experience as whole, or can be unable to manage specific types of experiences within the experiences they can handle.

We had a bit of a trying time these past weeks - work stuff, travel half way around the world, jet lag etc. Kit did such an amazing job to pull us through a hard time and a particular difficult event that was extremely triggering. T suggested she gets to rest for a while and we asked inside who could take over. And it was a combination of parts that have agreed to front, as needed. We are trying to rest the body as much as possible but the agreement of the parts coming together has allowed the mind to rest. And I have been allowed to not host, and go back in and care for Kit. Because even protectors need to be cared for, something we often forget.

I don't know it this is what you think of by fusion because the parts then can pair on their own with other parts, or go solo. However the act of fusing for a specific experience has been very successful, and less depleting. Much much less depleting. And there is no increase in loneliness because I guess there are many others. And for some reason I feel there is strength. Like strength in numbers. We have the ability to handle certain social situations we tend to find difficult and are more brave to ask for/get/identify the things we need.

What would D need to relieve some of the loneliness and is there something in particular L could do to help?

Sam

we tried to slow things down. D was overly eager and we were insecure if we understood what was going on and if she understood what she wanted.
we heard that fusion can be hard to keep up when personal values are very different. we wanted to avoid that she is just running away from a reality she doesnt like.

there are still blending moments but not that intense.
most of her loneliness seemed to be an "old" feeling, left over from trauma time. maybe a process of grieving. we want her to take time for that.
Una made us think that if she could share with the T, maybe it could help against the loneliness. the T was very close to crying with her. that was a helpful experience.

we will come back to this fusion topic later. it seems that we need to take it very slowly. but it still looks like something they both would want.

Ester is one of us who integrated and i understand the loneliness that comes with it. i miss her, all the time. she is not gone, but she isnt... the "other" person i can share with and who would encourage me.

Slow is good. Slow usually means fewer mistakes, and fewer mistakes usually means good results obtained sooner.

birdsong87 wrote:Ester is one of us who integrated and i understand the loneliness that comes with it. i miss her, all the time. she is not gone, but she isnt... the "other" person i can share with and who would encourage me.

Yes. Exactly.

My alter girl in the void was very much an "other" who was with me for years before we fused. We spent a lot of time together and we got very close, and then poof she was not an other anymore. She had the same experience of me. When we fused we no longer had the sense of a close other, a very intimate companion, who was always there right beside us, sharing our life. Being one does not feel like having permanent companionship; it feels like being alone!

For me this was a curious inversion of birthing babies. Pregnant, I was very aware of and attached to the baby growing inside me and but when the baby was born it was as if suddenly there in my arms was an "other", a person I did not know at all, separate from myself.