Do I really have DID?

Hi I know my name is Samantha and I know I am a part of Eve. I know I have been with her since the beginning and because she and I have grown up together and I always felt ashamed you know like people would think we were crazy I always used her name and no one ever knew. Then due to a traumatic thing that happened back last summer another part came out that had always been thought of as our child within. Now it seems she is always out and she tells all our business and now because she is so young we can not hide our secret anymore. It has just blown our world apart. It never used to matter whether it was Eve or I out we were able to manage even though we've never been able to be consistent with anything money,men,rules,therapy.Now it matters because little girls don't belong in this older body using little girl voices and betraying everything she happens to know.How the hell does she know so frigging much. I don't want to believe this is DID. I mean are you supposed to have children come out and live your life for weeks on end? How do I keep her away? She seems to come when I"m frightened or upset and sometimes there has been no trigger. I hate what this life has become and have used up any desire to live now I just exist and that seems to only be sometimes.I've read alot about DID but nothing I read tells me what to do to get better. Where is the hope and at this point what is the hope? Any responses are greatly appreciated.

How could you not believe in DID if you're an alter? Besides that matter, if you're seeing a therapist, why aren't you discussing this with him/her? And have you tried talking to the child? I don't mean to pressure you, but you really don't seem to be trying, just fretting, which never helps. Talk to your therapist, have your therapist talk to the kid, and while you're at it, you try talking to her too

Samantha, Eve, babi, and all inside her, Hugs if ok.

I agree with Bates. Also would like to mention the book Got Parts? by ATW which is about how to begin working with yourselves and with a therapist to establish communication amongst parts. I finished it a few days ago and it was very informative. It's only about 100 pgs and is a quick read and can be referred to over and over like a reference book for healing DID. It was only $11 including shipping for a used book on amazon.com.

Hope this helps a little?

We do at times talk amongst ourselves,but Babi and I do not get along very well. She tells that I am a troublemaker and I feel that she is a mere nuisance.I,Samantha and Eve have been in therapy for the last 10 years and our therapist suspected the DID but couldn't confirm it until the whole incident when Babi started coming out. Babi apparently keeps our appts. with ouy therapist when she is here and calls her crying all the time. I probably shouldn't,but when she says I'm a troublemaker I retaliate with you're a crybaby. Our therapist only says to keep a journal but who knows what ever happens to ones we start. We do keep some info on our calendar. The others have a chart to track their meds,but I don't take meds as they are paid for by the government and I don't trust those guys at all. None of us take psych meds they tend to make us fat and way too nonchalant and I really need to have feelings if not I am liable to partake of my own choice of drugs,which by the way I haven't used in about 7 months. I really don't have a clue how to make myself like the others,Babi is just so darn sweet and innocent but annoying and Eve is not very smart she could never make decent grades in school or handle many of the jobs we've had without me,she is always a nervous mess that couldn't get herself out of a wet paperbag.The others are relly not a problem as other people in this world don't know them.I do believe in DID,but I think I would rather just think I evolved differently than others so therapists and other gov. people would leave me alone.I'll see if Halfprice Books has the book Catcoon mentioned.Thank you all for the input I'll try again today to make it through each moment until I can rest my weary eyes again.

Hi Samantha,

I'd suggest working on your toleration for a bit.. sure it's hard and difficult to live with many in one body, of course it's unfair.. but it's still the case, so you're going to have to find your peace with one another.
Because you're all so different it could be hard to understand each other at times.. I know that that's the way it works for us. Because some members of our inside family are very indirect, introverted and insecure, and some extremely assertive, direct, not taking things so harshly.. those contrasts collide sometimes. But it's very important to try and understand each other, or at least respect that everyone is as he/she is and that that's okay.
It's okay if Babi cries more than others might do, it's okay if your approach is different.. you all have your reasons to be the way you are. No one is perfect, and it would get boring if some people were. Everyone has good and bad qualities, everyone can be allergic to certain attitudes, everyone can look up to those with certain attitudes.. just try to see the good in each other.

And I advise you to take your therapist's advise of journalling, because even though you don't know what would happen to ones you start, it's a start to get some communication going.. avoiding it isn't going to get you anywhere, even though it might be confronting to see whatever will be written.

About DID, well, you can think or feel anything you like about it, whatever suits you.. but it's still going to be DID for the outside world. And DID is not a tag that says 'abnormal'.. maybe you just need to focus on that.

Bianca

HI Samantha,
I know this must be very difficult for you and knowing that so far you tend to be the most stable out of the personalities we have spoken to you have a lot of responsibility heaped upon your shoulders.
But do not take for granted that all of you live in the same body. Of course its a pain in the ass. Who wants to be in a crowded place, or live in one, let alone exist in a crowded body. However, all of you are there for a reason, and many of you are there simply to help. Instead of fretting about what is going to happen to each of you in turn why don't you devise a plan, make yourself useful and help out the rest of the system.
I used to be a pain in Amber's system constantly putting her down and getting angry when she couldn't go to work. Now instead of reaking havoc I prevent it. I motivate her to go to work and if that doesn't work I will go for her and help her out if she needs it.
You have to work together or you will end up spending your life sitting in a heap of misery. Come up with a plan of how to make life work for the system and run it by the others. Take charge if they cannot make a decision.
good luck,
Dani

HI,

I USED TO WONDER WHO I WAS. I DID AND FELT EVERYTHING IN MANY, COMPLETELY DIFFERENT WAYS. NOW, I TRY TO LEARN WHO WE ARE. THE PART THAT I AM AT THE MOMENT, IS "ME." WE ALL HAVE DIFFERENT NICK NAMES AND PERSONALITIES. I TRY TO THINK IT TAKES SEVERAL PARTS TO MAKE A WHOLE "ME" IT SURE IS CONFUSING. SOME PARTS ARE IN COMPLETE DENIAL OF THE PAST, AND OTHER PARTS. I AGREE, IT SOUNDS LIKE YOUR 'T IS RIGHT ON TRACK. JOURNALING HELPED ALL OF "ME" TO GET ALONG BETTER. I DON'T WANT TO BELIEVE I HAD D.I.D. EITHER. IT'S WEIRD READING EACH OTHERS NOTES. I DON'T REMEMBER DOING IT, AND IT LOOKS LIKE IT'S SOMEONE ELSES WRITING. WHEN I'M IN DENIAL, I REALIZE IT, BECAUSE I KNOW THERE'S OTHER PARTS THAT HOLD THE MEMORIES.
IT'S ABOUT TIME FOR ME TO BE MY SELF. I'M TIRED OF WALKING ON EGG SHELLS. AS LONG AS I'M TREATING PEOPLE WELL, I DON'T GIVE A DAMN WHAT THEY THINK OF ME. NOTHING I CAN DO ABOUT IT ANY WAY. I THINK OF THE SERENITY PRAYER A LOT! IT HELPS. THERE'S A LOT OF GREAT ADVICE ON THIS FORUM. WE ARE HERE TO HELP YOU.

BENNY

samantha sorry to sound mean but come on ure an alter u cnt complain bout alters how u think eve feels? uve just gotta split time or sommet like tht alters CANNOT complain bout alters takin time (sorry if i sound mean but im in a bad mood im usually nice)

Kaizo