Upcoming Holidays

Howdy y'all!
Just wonderin' if anyone else is dreading the upcoming holidays? I made it through Thanksgiving by working. But the next 3 weeks are going to be horrible (from past experiences). I had an awful lot of abuse happen to me during the holiday times, and in the past I have dissociated a lot during the holidays. It kinda freaks me out I definitely am not looking forward to the holidays I know I'm probably anticipating trouble because it's happened in the past (you know the old thoughts come in--OH NO! It happened before--therefore it'll happen again).

But my real question is--does anyone have any suggestions on how to stop myself from going back into that old pattern of thinking? I am trying to not think the old way, but it just begins and I go down the primrose path of remembered abuses and "It's happening again!" Then comes the dissociations. Given the fact that I just had a significant period of dissociation, I am afraid that it might/probably/will happen again in the near future and I don't want that to happen. So far, though, I've never been able to stop myself from dissociating. Have any of you? If so, what worked? I'm open to any and all suggestions?!

Thanks for any and all help you provide.
Cathi

I love Christmas, but I hate "the holidays" cuz of all the fatass soccermoms in their red turtleneck sweaters dropping over $1k on $#%^ for their 5 kids, ######6 spoiled rotten @@@@@@@. And they'll ######6 rag on their husbands for even CONSIDERING getting a little something for themselves. BUT ITS A-OKAY TO ######6 DROP A FORTUNE ON THEIR FAT GREEDY ######6 ASSES! ######6 twat ######6 bitches (Picture that trying to be edited on TV ) need an asskicking. But Christmas is great, presents are awesome. THINK ABOUT HOW AWESOME GETTING GIFTS IS! FREE FOOD! LOVEY DOVEY FAMILY WARMTH TO MAKE YOU FEEL FUZZY INSIDE! HAPPY THOUGHTS!

Mr. Bates wrote: But Christmas is great, presents are awesome. THINK ABOUT HOW AWESOME GETTING GIFTS IS! FREE FOOD! LOVEY DOVEY FAMILY WARMTH TO MAKE YOU FEEL FUZZY INSIDE! HAPPY THOUGHTS!

Well, Bates, good to hear your take on this. But I don't like Christmas because I don't get presents, don't have any lovey dovey family warmth to make me feel fuzzy inside! In fact, I only interact with my best friend and her family. She's the only one in the past 10 years or so that I've gotten any presents from. Hell, my mom didn't even remember my birthday! (and she was over at my house the day before!) I don't speak to my brothers cause they abused me, too. Don't speak with my sisters cause I told the secret. Barely tolerate my mom cause she was an abuser, too.
Of course, you may be being sarcastic about having a warm lovey dovey family? I can't tell cause I don't know you that well yet. Anyways, I totally agree with you about the fatassed soccer moms! I hate crowds and avoid shopping, except for food, during the holidays.

TOO MANY PEOPLE! PANIC! RUN! CAN'T BREATHE!

So, I guess maybe you can see why I hate the holidays? Any suggestions on how to avoid dissociating?

Thanks
Cathi

Stay away from anything that sells ANYTHING on a Friday night. And I was kinda serious, but ###$ your family. No, not butt ###$ your family, I mean... nevermind.

In any case, Christmas wouldn't be so bad if you didn't dwell on the past. Forget the past, think about now, and only now. Have fun with your friend. Exchanged gifts with her...

... and get piss ######6 drunk! ###$ yeah! - Frank

... Yeah, that too.

Fight to be on front, talk to the insiders, and with time try to realise that although holidays were bad in the past, they aren't now, they don't have to be. We have the same with going on vacation for example, but we really need to try to realize that vacations now have nothing to do with vacations in the past. We need to get the wrong association off of the word 'vacation'. Try not to dwell on how bad your family-relations are, 'cause we haven't got contact with any family-member whatsoever, and course that's sad, but we have a great fosterfamily and we can get new experiences if we fight enough to allow them to come in our system as well.

Hope I'm helpful,
~Sara

I also have a horrible time with the holidays! I made it through Thanksgiving by running my butt off in preparation before the event and sleeping for a week after!

Then, of course, I waken to see that Christmas is upon us and my heart drops at the very idea. Oh, I have family, hubby, kids, etc...
and money to buy presents, but if that is all that Christmas was for me I'd still be in the trash mentally.

I don't know where you are concerning our Creator, but the only thing that saves me at this time of year is the REAL REASON FOR THIS HOLIDAY, and it can't be found in a present, in a meal, in a tree, lights, decorations, or any other commercial crap thrown at us.

The real reason for this holiday is YOU! Whether or not Jesus
was actually born on the 25th of December makes no difference, we celebrate His birth on that day. And why do we celebrate His birth? Because He was born for One reason, to die so that we can be forgiven of our sins and turn to God as only a child can turn to a truly loving parent. This Parent isn't like the earthly parents we may have been cursed with. He truly desires to give us everything that is good and will do it if we only ask for it! And I know one thing for sure, if You were the only person on this earth that needed salvation, Jesus would still have been cursed, spat upon, beaten, and hung on a cross so that catcoon could have a relationship with His Heavenly Father!!

It is my prayer that He fill and surround you with His Holy Spirit especially at this time of year so that you will feel the comfort of His Love!!!

So, when all the other thoughts and garbage try to push in and take over your thoughts, refuse to allow them in by turning your thoughts to God and His wonderful Gift for you!

That is what this season is really for and what it should be about!

Um, I don't mean bad, and respect all religions, but I hope all of us can view this holiday in a way that suits best with our personality and such?? It just kinda sounds like what you're saying about christmas is "the only truth", something we have to believe in, but it could be my interpretation and I really don't mean bad, I'm glad viewing christmas and perhaps life that way helps you out, and I hope it can help others out as well, but I hope it's okay if it's different for us?

~Sara

FYI IaBeatleLvr--Been there done that with the religious thing. It no longer works for me. Too long a story to get into except that if He was such a loving god, then why did he allow my father and his friends and my brothers and others to sexually abuse from the time I was 9 months old until he died the day after he raped me the night before when I was 14? Sorry, don't believe in him any more. I prayed and asked for his help my entire life--nothing ever happened. In fact I was made to repent for my father's sins. What sins does a young girl being abused by her father have?? There is no answer. So please keep your sanctimonious wishes to yourself.

I believe there is a higher power to which we all belong.I don't think this is the right place to discuss religion. Your god never helped prevent my abuse which caused my dissociations, so why should I acknowledge him as supreme and helping me? Didn't happen.

Sara~ thank you for your kind thoughts. I am trying to think forward, but often fall into the old trap of thoughts of the past. I realize NOW is not THEN, but parts still shiver inside at the memories of holidays past. I will enjoy time with my chosen family and also work to help those who are stuck in the hospital during the holidays away from home.

TTFN

Cathi

HI EVERYONE,

YOU ARE PROBRABLY GOING TO THINK I'M REALLY NUTS NOW, BUT HERE IT GOES. IT'S JUST SOMETHING I'D LIKE TO SHARE.

I'M NOT A RELIGIOUS PERSON. I ALSO THOUGHT WHERE WAS GOD WHEN I NEEDED HIM. HOW COULD HE LET SUCH HORRIBLE THING HAPPEN TO CHILREN. MY STEPDAD THAT CAUSED MOST OF THE ABUSE WAS EVEN A DEACON IN THE CHURCH. I CAN REMEMBER TELLING SOMEONE TO NEVER, NEVER, NEVER LET HIM WORK IN THE NURSERY OR AROUND CHILDREN, BECAUSE I'D HEARD HIM OFFER TO. ANY WAY I WAS SO ANGERY AT GOD. IF HE WAS THERE. I USED DRUGS TO NUMB THE PAIN, AND PRETTY MUCH STAYED $#%^ FACED ALL THE TIME. THE DRUGS AND BOOZE WAS THERE WHEN I NEEDED IT. I THOUGHT GOD WAS KIND OF LIKE SANTA CLAUS, MADE UP FOR PEOPLE THAT WERE AFRAID OF DYING.

I WAS AT THE END OF MY ROPE. I COULDN'T EAT ANY MORE FROM ALL THE BOOZE ETC... I LITTERALLY ENDED OF IN THE GUTTER. DOCTOR HAD TOLD ME I PROBRABLY ONLY 2-3 MONTHS TO LIVE. I HAD BLOOD COMING OUT OF PLACES IT WASN'T SUPPOSED TO, ALOT OF IT. I KNEW THEY WERE TELLING THE TRUTH. BUT I DIDN'T WANT TO STOP. I WAS FORCED TO SEE A D/A COUNSELOR. IT WAS 10:30AM. I HAD ALLREADY DRANK ABOUT A QUART OF HARD LIQUIR, AND AT LEAST 2 HANDFULLS OF TRANQUILIZERS. I REMEMBER THINKING THAT LAST HANDFULL WAS TOO MUCH, BUT I WAS COMING UNGLUED. I SPILLED MY GUTS ABOUT MY LIFE AND TOLD HIM THAT WAS WHY I HAD TO USE.

ALL OF A SUDDEN, SWEAR TO GOD, EVERRTHING WENT BLACK. I WAS NO LONGER IN HIS OFFICE. I WAS IN A PLACE SO DARK I COULDN'T SEE MY HAND IN FRONT OF MY FACE. SUDDENLY A DOOR OPENNED UP ABOVE ME. THERE WAS A SUPER BRIGHT LIGHT COMMING FROM INSIDE. I LOOKED INTO, IT AND SAW WHAT I FELT WAS JESUS STANDING THERE. HE TOLD ME I COULD STAY IN THE DARK, OR COME INTO THE LIGHT. EITHER WAY THE DOOR WAS GOING TO CLOSE, AND I WOULD BE ON ONE SIDE OR THE OTHER. IT WAS MY CHOICE. I CHOSE THE LIGHT AND FELT MYSELF BEING LIFTED UP AND TROUGH THE DOOR INTO THE LIGHT. THE DOOR DID CLOSE, AS SOON AS I WAS INSIDE. I CAN'T TELL YOU WHAT ALL I SAW YOU WOULD NEVER BELIEVE ME. I WAS HEALED FROM THE ADDICION, AND SENT BACK AFTER BEING TOLD THAT THERE WAS SOMETHINGS THEY WANTED ME TO ACOMPLISH. NEXT THING I SAW WAS THE COUNSELOR LEANING OVER ME LOOKING LIKE HE WAS SCARED TO DEATH. HE SWORE UP AN DOWN THAT I HAD DIED. I DIDN'T WANT A DRINK AFTER THAT. WHY HE CAME TO ME I'LL NEVER KNOW. I WAS NOT A GOOD PERSON. I HAD DONE SOME PRETTY BAD THINGS.

SINCE THAT TIME I'VE COME TO REALIZE WE WEREN'T MADE TO BE ROBOTS. WE WERE MADE TO BE LIKE GOD. EVERYONE IS FREE TO DO WHAT THEY WANT. PEOPLE DO EVIL THINGS, NOT GOD. IN ORDER FOR US TO HAVE A LIFE OF OUR OWN, HE CAN'T FORCE ANYONE TO DO HIS WILL. WE HAVE TO CHOOSE OURSELVES NO MATTER WHAT IS GOING ON AROUND US.WE ARE HERE TO ACOMPLISH WHAT WE SET OUT TO DO BEFORE THIS LIFE. WE ARE SUPOSE TO HELP EACH OTHER. NOT JUDGE EACH OTHER. TO MAKE THINGS BETTER NOT WORSE.

JESUS WAS CONSTANTLY BEING CRITISIZED FOR HANGING AROUND THE SCUMM OF THE EARTH, BECAUSE THEY NEEDED HIS HELP THE MOST. GOING AGAINST RELIGION FOR A BETTER PUROSE. I GUESS THAT'S WHY HE HELPED ME. HE TOOK ME WARTS AND ALL. IT MADE ME FEEL THAT BECAUSE WE HAVE BEEN THROUGH A LOT WE HAVE MORE TO OFFER.

I SURE DON'T ALL THE ANSWERS. EVEN IF NO ONE BELIEVES ME, I
NW IT REALLY HAPPENED. SURE FREAKED THAT COUNSELOR OUT! ANYWAY THANKS FOR REMINDING ME I'M NOT BROKEN. I AM THE WAY I AM SO I CAN BE OF SERVICE. BY THE WAY, THE FEELING I HAD ON THE OTHER SIDE WAS TOO GOOD TO DISCRIBE

PEACE OUT!
BENNY

Hi all,
I like cat, respect your religious preferences, but I am not a Christian, and I am not a very organized religious person, and I cannot stand church, nor do I believe in it. I also find a lot of triggers when it comes to speaking about religion and Christianity because it was so close to the cult that abused me. As cat asked can we please discuss religion elsewhere. this was originally about the holidays, which does have to do with religion, but some people celebrate the holidays for their american traditions or country of origin, and not for the religious ties that that holiday has. That being said, as much as possible can we keep the religious discussion to a minimum?

Cat- In the past I have had a terrible time with Valentines day. It was the only memory I had of the abuse, an that is a very very tough time for me. Unfortunately I now know why the winter holidays upset my system, only this for me is the first year knowing why these holidays throw me for a loop. In the past when Valentines day comes around, I make that day all about me. I do whatever I want and I spoil myself. If I don't want to get out of bed then I don't. But usually I plan something for myself, last year my roommate and I took a day trip to Santa Barbara. The year before I went to Disneyland. You may not have the money or the means to do something so extravagant but I have found that by allowing myself to have something special, something all mine, and something out of the ordinary, that bad day, starts to have new meaning, and new memories. The bad of that day starts to be a little less. You don't have to celebrate any holiday traditionally especially if you don't want to associate with your family. You are free!!! Take a mini day vacation or do something for yourself in your house. On Christmas go see a movie or 3 and treat yourself to some Denny's.
Until you have super excellent control of your dissociation you may not have a choice but to switch and have someone take over, remember that its to protect you. But like Sara said, talk to them or journal to them and try to compromise. Some of them might really enjoy Christmas so they want to be on the outside, a lot of them might think you need to be protected just from decorations. Try to allow them time for their feelings, and try to let them know that Christmas didn't hurt you, but some really bad things did happen this time of year. You are in a safe place now and you are going to try to make some happy memories for this time of year. You may be surprised at how they want to help you. No one likes bad days, or bad memories.Try to help them make new good ones.
thinking of you,
Big Amber