Intense Migraines

I know there are other posts about this topic on here but I went through a bunch with any mention of it and none were really quite what I needed, I most likely didn't go far enough back but I also have work soon.

I noticed a while back that I tend to get intense migraines (that are so bad that I feel sick to my stomach) about two or three times a week and a headache at least once a day when it's not a migraine day.

I have noticed that the normal headaches tend to be basic dissociation or switches, as in Jessica, Lily or Quinn are switching in or out. Sometimes it's just a headache though.

The migraines, however, I think may be one of the other ones. I noticed that when I have one I have horrible thoughts that pop in my head.

Could be triggering. Fair warning

Let me preface by explaining about a few thoughts.

I'm still having a hard time accepting this is actually happening, that I have D.I.D, but then I see posts from Jess and Quinn that are on here and I don't remember it, so it is further proof for myself.

I won't go as far as to say I'm happy to be this way, but as far as having alters goes, Jess, Lily and Quinn are pretty decent.

Jess protects and corrals. The amount of Romance novels on my shelves is a bit alarming at times but I can deal with it.

Quinn can have a bit of an attitude and has some off putting comments sometimes but truthfully it can make me laugh pretty well at times too.

Lily is ALWAYS asking questions but she is just so sweet and loving it's hard to be annoyed long.

There are plenty more things good and bad that I could list but I want to keep it as short as possible.

I have more alters as you can see from the signature below. I think The persecutor is trying to switch out again.

The migraines tend to happen before a round of some seriously negative thoughts run through my mind but even as they are, I know they aren't 'me'. I have slowly been getting a bit of confidence since my teen years.

When I was a teenager, I'm 23 now.

PT 2: triggering

I used to have 'black outs' and when I would 'come back' I would be covered in cuts on my arms and legs.

The migraines scare me because they would ALWAYS happen before one of the black outs. I'm pretty sure it was the persecutor.

The reason I made this post is because I had one last night and I'm scared.

This alter terrifies me like nothing else. He tried to kill us before. He can make me think horrible things and before I found out about D.I.D it was worse. I know I've read that talking to angry or 'misguided' alters and giving them a chance is the right thing but I just don't feel it would work with him. He scares me and I don't think it would even work.

I'm just getting my life in order even amidst dealing with having alters. I have a better paying part time job that even has benefits. I have a sweet girlfriend. I don't want him to have the ability to mess this all up. I've worked so hard.

What scares me the most is that when he is around I have NO clue what happens. He has complete control. At least with the other 3, I typically am co-conscious of have some communication from them as to what's been going on.

Any advice you have at all is welcome, please.

(sorry for the double post. I tried to edit since I hit submit on accident and it didn't edit instead it just posted twice)

I don't have any advice at the moment. I just wanted to say that usually I notice we get the more intense headaches (probably migraines) when we are experiencing a major disagreement that isn't yet conscious (e.g. like one part wanting to do something that would be bad for us in a major way and another part not wanting to or when one part wants to do something good for us that is risky and other part doesn't want to). Usually we only discover this disagreement was the cause of the headaches though after something has happened that is contradictory to what others would have wanted. It's like the headache foreshadows the major thing. I'm not sure what could be done preemptively other than just working through healing a step at a time. Perhaps others will have some ideas. I just tend to plug away at resolving the causes rather than to let myself focus on the crisis personally. That probably isn't adequate though for you if you find yourself in immediate personal danger.

CopperFox wrote:(sorry for the double post. I tried to edit since I hit submit on accident and it didn't edit instead it just posted twice)

That's ok , I had wondered what happened that caused the double post.

P.S. If the other alter might want some support with the self harm there is a self harm forum here too: cutting-self-injury/
I can't go there personally because reading about it triggers me, even though they are pretty tight on leaving out details of self harming there, but the mods are nice and I hear it is a friendly and productive forum so maybe that might help the other alter to have an outlet to discuss a bit in a healthy environment?

I've suffered from migraines and chronic headaches as long as I remember, dating back to childhood. I've gone through all sorts of testing, but nothing was ever found and no drugs ever helped them. Now that I know about the DID I've been able to start matching up certain types of headaches with certain internal experiences.

My severe migraines are clustered and occur when major internal shifts or new awareness occurs. Back in September I had a horrible two week period and it coincided with becoming aware of Maggie, a suicidal child-part that had been locked away from everyone else. She had no awareness of the other parts or even myself as host. We had amnesia between the two of us. The migraines came on during the time we became aware of each other. Almost every time we become aware of a new part it seems to be accompanied by migraines. This experience with Maggie was just the worse that has happened so far.

Sometimes I get severe headaches in the back of my head. I've learned that these happen when Justice is activated. Justice is a watcher and a secret keeper. Justice also has a history of hurting the body. These headaches cause a sense of disorientation, yet super clear vision. Sometimes it literally feels like I have eyes in the back of my head, as in I just know everything that is going on around me. It is like I am receiving too much sensory input.

Then there are the almost daily tension or band headaches across my forehead. Most of the time this is when too many parts are trying to be up front or I am going through a revolving door crisis. We are still trying to work out better switching so these headaches are reduced.

Learning about the relationship between the parts and my headaches has done more to help me than any medicine I have ever tried. Good luck I know how painful the headaches can be and how scary the fear of blackouts and self-harm can be.

Triggering for some denial talk and a mention of self harm

I greatly appreciate the replies from you both, I don't have communication much if at all from my more active alters (Jess, Lily and Quinn) so getting any communication from the alter this post was about is near impossible on my end at this point.

He however has no problems getting in my head and letting me think I'm thinking what's there, but it isn't until he stops that I realize what's been going on. Thankfully it seems like he either isn't able to or isn't inclined to harm the body himself.

Jess has been able to get through to me a bit more though, so that's a plus. She's talked me into going back to therapy.

My denial is an up and down roller coaster at this point but I agree with her on the fact that when I believe it, I should go for managing help and when I don't believe it, I should go for help with making stuff up.

Right now I'm on an even point where I'm working my way out of a denial pit. So I'm in a fragile state but I know that denial is fairly common and that I have to try to keep an open mind, so to say. For the sake of jess, lily and quinn.

*mild trigger*

I have migraines, I get them frequently and they are really bad to the point I throw up. I need to take an over the counter to calm them. It hurts so bad. I don't know why that is, even when I was a child I had them frequently. I actually missed a lot of school because of them. I think its just stress but who knows.

When I have them sound, light, even fabrics irritate me. I have found one trigger: perfumes or fragrances, many of which make me nauseous and them turn into a migraines. I avoid certain people because of it, just the scent does something.

*end mild trigger*

ID say they are common for many with DDs.

I have only had a few migraines in my life, but they either involve trying to remember things that are are not mine to remember, or when something bad has happened, and I have forgotten it, only to remember it later.

*** Trigger Warning ***
I still can't remember all of what happened to me. There are missing areas. Those memories are not even near me. There are parts of me that are closer to those memories that are more likely to have a flashback. I remember him, the room, and that it was terrible. So I can recite parts of a narrative, but no EP. I would have to have a hierarchical switch maybe twice to remember, and I would flashback, and after it's over I don't know what I would remember. I've gotten frustrated and wanted to get everything out in the open, and I force, but it won't come. I can push all I want, but instead, I get migraines. I just don't want to spend the rest of my life waiting for the other shoe to drop, when it fell so many years ago.

**** End Trigger warning ***