Overwhelmed

We had therapy today, an alter managed to talk through some of her biggest problems and I managed to go over some topics afterwards as well. After that I had an afternoon of school. Things apparently lay more heavy on my shoulders than I'd thought, because almost at the end of the day I had an abreaction in which I fainted. Afterwards I felt so embarrassed. In the classroom!!
Luckily the teachers weren't surprised and didn't panick (it's a special school for adolescents with psychiatric illness).
We've been troubled and tense for quite some time now; we're becoming more aware of everything in our life, including of some alters who'd been hidden away up to now and some pieces of the puzzle that's called our past. That process is actually a good one, but it's too heavy and evokes too much right now. Hopefully we'll get through this period soon.
We're going to make a renewed system-list for ourselves, not only including names, sex and age like our first list, but also function in system and issues/characteristics. Somehow we feel that that'll be of help. And next to that we just need some rest I guess.
Any of you had similar experiences?

Nindy

before I was diagnosed with DID, I went through all of public high school dealing with PTSD. I had flashbacks, body memories, and ab-reactions (although I didnt know what those were until recently) almost daily. My therapy was intense and I was in a program where there were a lot of triggers. During a concert one time I had a flashbackwhich triggered an anxiety and asthma attack and then I went into this daze where I just sat down on stage and stared, DURING A CONCERT! My teacher thankfully knew what was happening and just let me sit until the song was over then helped me off stage. I have had quite a few incidents like this and the one you described.
The best advice I can give you is to not overanalyze it because in this situation it is just part of the territory. Your teachers, well trained were not upset so you dont have to explain anything to them and you dont have to feel bad because in that program people understand that those things are going to happen. How you react (which is very hard to control) and how you move on from it dictate how well you can handle the situation and how much you are growing.
It can be very embarrassing, just know that it will happen and you are safe, and its not your fault so there is no need to be embarrassed.
Thanks for sharing.

Mmm, this reminds me of something that happened once to me at school, well at college really.
We had to watch this fictional film about drugs in our media class, but it really reminded me of something that had happened about five years back and I got hysterical in class, in front of everyone. I totally get how embarrassing it feels! ^_^
but yeah, i just went to a religious state college so they didn't really know how to react.
I think the fact that the date was the 4th, and I had been thinking about this previously to the lesson, had some impact on the hysteria; like how the fact that your embarrassing classroom incident was preceded by having therapy in the morning! hmm...well I wouldn't worry about it too much though; after all it could mean that things are starting to get worked through! Better out than in, huh?
Good luck with your system list!

Lalalark, your concert thing reminds me of something I did when I was verrry small! It was the first time i dissociated for real, i was meant to be an angel in the christmas play and I just stood there on stage having this really intense daydream that i can still rememebr sooo clearly, while the other angels danced around. An audience member had to tug my costume to brign me back - it was so embarrassing! And worst of all caught on camera!

Thanks for responding Lalalark and Harri!! I really appreciate it, and recognize your experiences. In Dutch class, when I was still attending public high school as well, we had to watch a movie that was supposedly a classic, but in which you saw a mother hitting her child. An alter went into flashbacks and when in Latin, I just stared in space and didn't respond to anything/anyone. They were very freaked and thought I'd taken pills. Especially them suspecting me to be some addict really got to me. I (unfortunately) don't NEED drugs to dissociate! Oh well, doubt they'll ever get it.

Glad your teacher understood and helped you out at the time Lalalark. It's good to have some support around when something like that occurs. Can imagine how embarrassed you were at the time, Harri. Hopefully the way your college reacted didn't make matters worse? But having therapy in the morning probably didn't help either, no. And it's true that the teachers I now have are trained to deal with such things, so there's no need to worry and it's true that over-analyzing isn't going to get me anywhere as well.

The thing that hit me especially regarding this abreaction is that I've (already) had a period filled with abreactions daily, and that lately, if it happened, it was something rare. I was/am more dissociating to my past day in, day out, than that I go into states as severe as with abreactions. So it came as quite a shock, especially since it's kind of a "new" period of again uncovering alters and pieces of my past. I just hope it won't become as extreme as it was back then, because although I already know on some level that it's different, it remains scary.

I can understand why it would be scary...
like... jeez, not again!
Thats kind of how I am feeling right now...
I sometimes hate that life is a huge roller coaster.