newly diagnosed and scared

i know im jusr really confused and i dont know what to think any more i always got in trouble as a kid for being a terrible daydreamer but now i can see that they were the same kind of thing i do now so they might not of been normal daydreams since then.
I dont know
Thanks so much for all your help

HI EVERYONE,

SORRY I HAVEN'T POSTED FOR A WHILE. I'M SURE GLAD YOU'RE STILL HERE.
I'VE BEEN VERY DEPESSED. I DON'T KNOW IF IT'S FROM REMEMBERING MORE ABOUT THE PAST, OR FROM OTHER CHANGES I'VE BEEN GOING THROUGH FROM MENAPAUSE. I ALSO LOST A FRIEND STRUGGLING WITH D.I.D. COMMITED SUICIDE, A COUPLE OF MONTHS AGO.
ANY WAY, READING YOUR POSTS HAVE HELPED A LOT ALL READY. THANKS GUYS!

I GET HEADACHES VERY OFTEN. SOMETIMES I HAVE TO WEAR GLASSES TO SEE BETTER, OTHER TIMES MY SIGHT IS 20/20. CAN ANY ONE RELATE? THERE IS PLENTY OF OTHER WEIRD PHYSICAL CHANGES THAT HAPPEN. A FEW DAYS AGO, I FORGOT MY GLASSES. I DIDN'T NEED THEM ALL DAY, AND WAS JUST GOING TO THE STORE AND BACK. RIGHT BEFORE I LEFT AN ALTER THAT NEEDED THEM TOOK OVER. IT WAS A "MR. MAGOO", RIDE HOME. I MISSED A FEW TURNS AND DROVE THROUGH YARDS AND OVER CURBS. IT'S A WONDER I DIDN'T GET ARRESTED, OR WORSE! NEEDLESS TO SAY I'LL NEVER LEAVE WITH OUT MY GLASSES AGAIN!

I CAN RELATE WITH YOU ABOUT THE "BAD" ALTERS. MOST OF THE
TIME I THINK THEY JUST WANT TO EXRESS THEIR ANGER. ONE FOR INSTANCE, HAS SAVED MY LIFE A FEW TIMES, AND USUALLY ONLY TOOK OVER WHEN THERE WAS A LIFE THREATENING SITUATION. I TRY NOT TO GET IN SITUATIONS THAT COULD TRIGGER HIM TO ACT OUT. AND DEVELOPE BETTER WAYS OF DEALING WITH ANGER THAN WHAT I WAS TAUGHT IN THE PAST. I TRY NOT TO GET IN A FIGHT WITH HIM, THAT DEFINITEY MAKES THINGS WORSE. I TRY TO RESPECT, LISTEN, AND IDENTIFY WITH HIM. AFTER ALL HE HAS EARNED THE RIGHT TO BE ANGERY, AND WANTS TO PROTECT ME.

MY SUICIDAL ALTER IS THE ONE THAT WORRIES ME THE MOST. SHE'S COMPLUSIVE AND SHUTS THE REST OF US OUT. SHE ACTED OUT A COUPLE WEEKS AGO. I'M GLAD SHE DIDN'T SUCCEED, BUT I WAS SURE SICK FOR A WEEK.

I FIND THAT MUSIC CAN HELP CALM MY HEAD. HAS ANYONE ELSE USED MUSIC TO PACIFY THEIR MIND? LATELY WE HAVEN'T BEEN GETTING A LONG VERY WELL. DENIAL IS A CONSTANT BATTLE. LIKE SOMEONE SAID, CERTAIN ALTERS, WANT TO BE HEARD AND GET ANGERY WHEN DENIED OR SHUT OUT.

IT'S GETTING PRETTY LATE, SO I BETTER GET THE KIDS TO BED. THANKS AGAIN FOR SHARING YOUR ADVICE.

RESPECTFULLY YOUR'S
BENNY

well i wear glasses all the time so i never go anywhere without them!
How do you find the best way of coping with finding out things from your past as its probably going to be me soon!
My alters have been a bit quiet lately i just been feeling depressed moping, i wonder if they are saving up for something really big! I'm scared of what they will do. But i have been very detatched and strangely paranoid lately. Weird!
How do you listen to them my bad alter is a force to be reckoned with, hes a heart of stone and so very very angry and i think he hates me hes sooo horrible to me hes made me cry so many times! How do you sort someone like that out?

Sorry FD, I'm afraid I can't help you (yet) with how to cope with learning things from your past. I just panic and attempt to forget it, push the knowledge away, and when that doesn't work, I just try denying to make myself comfortable. You dissociated because you couldn't handle the things that occurred in your past, and when they come up again, it's probably time for you to work with/through the memories, you're probably "ready" for it... but it's hard. As long as you have good help though, be it from friends, be it from professionals.. with support it's easier in my experience.

Although I haven't done anything whatsoever with retrieved memories/events from the past, having support around helps me to at least allow it to exist and try to make the best of life besides those things.

It's hard, destructive alters are scared as well, but the way they act, they're damaging to you and the system. In the beginning you can't immediately discover why they're acting like they do, but all I can advise is to get as much help as possible with this alter, because you can't manage this by yourself.

Good luck and take care,
Nindy

Its just hard knowingn what i've got to come but if you guys can face it it gives me hope i cant do the same, my alters have been very quiet lately! Worrying!

(((f_d)))<3 for you!
Don't be afraid of your "evil" part. It is scared! It holds memories/emotions that you weren't able to tolerate/accept into your mind at some time in the past. Try and go inside and just sit/stand by it and let it learn that you aren't out to hurt him. My T gave me this suggestion when I was first learning about evil parts that I had (and I had several). I had to learn to tolerate their feelings, and they had to learn that I was trustworthy, wasn't going to hurt them, and wouldn't reject them as they had been rejected IRL. Being able to tolerate it is just the first step; see if you can talk to it after a while of being with it, and let him know that you accept him just as he is, if you are able to do that.
Well, I'm having troubles of my own, as you can see by my new post. Hope this has helped you a little bit.
Cathi

HI EVERYONE,

SOMETIMES THIS D.I.D. SCARES THE CRAP OUT OF ME! I'M SORT OF NEW AT THIS TOO. I NEW SOMETHING WAS WRONG AS FAR BACK AS I COULD REMEMBER. I USED ALCOHOL AND DRUGS FOR A LONG TIME TO FORGET. EVENTUALLY IT DIDN'T WORK AND ALMOST KILLED ME. WHEN I SOBERED UP I DIDN'T KNOW WHY I STILL HAD BLACKOUTS.

I HAD PROBLEMS AS A CHILD TOO. THEY WOULDN'T LET ME ATTEND SCHOOL UNLESS I WAS MEDICATED. I DIDN'T WANT TO BE BAD OR
OUT OF CONTROLL, BUT I WAS. I THREW DESKS AND RAN AWAY, I DIDN'T KNOW WHY I COULDN'T STOP. I WAS ALLWAYS DAYDREAMING, NOT USING TIME WISELY, UNDISCIPLINED, HAD DIFFERENT GROUPS OF FRIENDS, DIDN'T LET ANYONE GET TOO CLOSE, GOOD AT SOMETHING ONE TIME, AND SUCKING AT IT ANOUTHER, NOT REMEMBERING THINGS ECT......... IT WAS ALLWAYS A STRUGGLE. STILL IS. I WOULD HAVE NEVER GUESSED IT WAS D.I.D. IT SCARED THE HELL OUT OF ME, BUT IT DID EXPLAIN A LOT OF THINGS.

SINCE THEN I'VE BEEN SO SELF-CONSCIENCE OF EVERYTHING I DO. I DIDN'T WANT TO BELEIVE IT. I SHOOK AND CRIED FOR DAYS. STILL DO SOMETIMES, BUT IT'S GETTING BETTER.I'M LEARNING HOW TO DEAL WITH IT. I DON'T LIKE IT. I DON'T WANT IT, BUT THAT DOESN'T CHANGE ANYTHING. IN ORDER TO GET BETTER I HAVE TO ACCEPT IT.

YOU ARE OK. IT MAY NOT FEEL THAT WAY NOW, BUT YOU ARE.
IT'S A MIRACLE WE ARE ALIVE AT ALL. HANG IN THERE, IT GETS BETTER.


BENNY

thanks. I was kind of like you at school i wasnt naughty tho just always daydreaming and never letting anyone get too close! I never thought it would turn out to be something like this either!
Im sorry anyone has to do this and sorry you are struggling with your alters at the moment! Im going to try to understand and help my evil one too, see how it goes!

i still dont really believe this is true either, everything seems like a dream

HEY!

I NEVER COULD FIGURE OUT IF I WAS GOOD OR BAD. PART OF THE TIME I WAS SHY AND WELL BEHAVED. MAYBE THATS WHY THE BAD ME STOOD OUT SO MUCH. I REMEMBER PEOPLE SAYING "I NEVER KNOW WHAT YOU ARE GOING TO DO!" IT'S HARD TO KNOW WHO YOU ARE WITH THIS DISORDER.



BENNY