"Introducing" parts to Husband

My husband knows one of my parts but he doesn't know that he knows her. It doesn't make much sense I know. Most of the time I share co-consciousness and my parts present covertly. I have one part that wants to present more overtly, she wants the freedom and to be accepted for herself. The thing is my husband actually started dating Melissa first. Melissa isn't into long-term relationships, she is more the use 'em and dump 'em type of girl. So she got mad when I continued the relationship with my husband and did a lot of things to try and mess it up. Since I had no clue I had DID at the time (18 years ago) and thought it was just me being crazy I basically exiled Melissa for years.

I'm Melissa and I was the second host for most of Amy's life. We have different ways of looking at other people. I don't like to be used and walked all over. Amy is a real doormat. I told her that marrying anyone was a mistake but she did it anyway. She didn't EXILE me. I went off when she stopped listening to anything I had to say. I took care of Hope and Lo and made sure she didn't totally ###$ up her life. Now, of course she lives her life serving his needs and raising those kids. Now that I have made sure that other people finally know about us I want my chance to live again. I'm only 16 and I want to party!! I also don't want to answer to "Amy" anymore, I'm so tired of having to live behind her mask.

Now, Melissa wants to be able to be out again, this time as Melissa. She still thinks I am a crazy idiot to have married (any man) but has agreed to not purposefully do anything to cause problems between me and my husband. My T thinks Melissa needs to work through her relationship with my husband and hopefully learn to trust him also. And that my husband needs to know Melissa (and eventually all the others also).

So if you have 'hidden' either knowingly or unknowingly your alters from your SO how have you introduced them to each other?

Thanks

Yes, of course. I didn't know I had DID until I was in my 40's, and some of my insiders were sleepers. So there was a lot of getting acquainted to do. It was . . . different.

Hi Amy, Melissa, and all others,

I am a SO of someone who has DID. Am I understanding that your husband doesn't know about your DID?

Are you getting any kind of treatment for your DID? Talking to a therapist about this situation would help a lot.

From my point of view as a SO, I think you should tell your husband before he finds out from someone else or through something that happens. If he truly loves you, he will accept you as you are and learn about DID. It would do him well to have a therapist to talk too also.

I say this from my own experience where I did not know about the DID until my partner and I went through a break up. I love her and accept her as she is. I love all of her alters.

Melissa, I am glad you are accepting the marriage. I understand that you want your time out too. Maybe you, Amy, and the husband can eventually sit down and talk and work out something for you. Since you are sharing a body with Amy and she is married, it will be hard for you to have a separate relationship with someone.

I hope all of you can work this out and be a happy, healthy system.

Orchids