SO - Had A Breakthrough With A Protector ... but

*** TRIGGER WARNING ***

There might be a few triggers in my post so be aware.

I have posted here before with some history about my Girlfriends DID. We are currently within 6 months of Her awareness. I was the one who helped her become aware and it caused some issues at the start with her protector alt. Her protector (a male alter) was upset because I basically outed them when they were perfectly happy being hidden.

For months he tried his best to push me away but I would never go. I'm an extremely open minded and understanding SO. I have been through so much and still remain by my girlfriend's side. I love her unconditionally and never hold anything they do against her.

Recently I have had a great breakthrough with her protector. He has accepted me in her life. He now tells me he is here to help me and her as well as her kids. He tells me that he loves her and her kids differently than I do (like a father loves a daughter). He knows I'm a good man and that I truly love her and he tells me she truly loves me. So he will no longer stand in our way.

But ... the thing is there is another alter who use to have free reign while my girlfriend was single. She is mad since my girlfriend and I have gotten together because she is no longer aloud out. The thing is this alter is very sexual and just goes out gets drunk and sleeps witg random people. This alter is also in love with one of her exes. My girlfriend was in a bad place mentally before we got together because she just didn't care anymore and would drunk a lot which made it easily for this alter to take over.

Well during our relationship I have found text msgs to other guys from this alter and my girlfriend has explained that its not her but her alter that does it. She says her alter is mad and has needs .. I know this is true because I have spoken to this alter and she always tells me the stuff she does. She doesn't care what my girlfriend wants. Even her protector says this alter is very selfish.

The thing is right now my girlfriend has great control over her and won't let her have physical control ... but she seems to have a lot of mental control which allows her to text guys. My girlfriend did her best to explain this but she said its very hard to explain in words. Its like my girlfriend can be talking to me and on her phone texting someone .. but its her alter texting ... and my girlfriend talking to me. This happened recently to us. It scares her because a lot of these guys are from her past and she has no clue who they are .. but they know her (well her alter).

I think this is also one of the reason her protector is trying to help me. He tells me my doubts, insecurities, weaknesses cause that alter to gain strength .. which allows her more control. Her protector will come out and correct my behavior and give me advice and guidance. Anyone who is an SO will know .. its not always easy being in a relationship like this. I know he is trying to make me into a better man for my girlfriend but also making it so we can all better control that other alter who is so desperate to have her freedom again.

Anyone else been in a situation like this? .. any advice for me? I'm going to keep being positive and be the strength and anchor my girlfriend needs. I will continue to love her and listen to her protector when he feels the need to guide me.

I am in a relationship with someone with DID. His protector wanted to have a girlfriend and have a sexual relationship and to date. So now I am in a relationship with the host and dating the protector. complicated . new and not easy but step by step working out. After a misunderstanding this week. we all had a long talk and things going better. It will take work but maybe that is a solution for you. could you date the alter.

Startail wrote:My girlfriend did her best to explain this but she said its very hard to explain in words. Its like my girlfriend can be talking to me and on her phone texting someone .. but its her alter texting ... and my girlfriend talking to me.

Most readers here understand this perfectly. This happens a lot with multiples: more than one alter ommunicating on multiple channels at once, passing different messages. Sometimes I (we) do that, and I have also experienced it coming from another multiple. I have experienced one alter saying one thing and at the same time another alter conveying a very different message with body language.

I am sure that your girlfriend's protector means well. However, trying to control you in order to indirectly control her sex alter is a very round-about way of addressing the problem of one alter's behavior being unwanted by others. Talk more directly with this alter, with all the alters. Can you meet her needs? What are her real needs? Does she really need casual or nearly anonymous sex, or is this a facade role carried by a very scared and traumatized little girl? (Often the sexual behavior is just a role, an introjected role acquired during early childhood sexual abuse.)

This exact situation happens a lot. You and your girlfriend are not alone.

A lot has happened since my last update. As usual I learn more and more from every experience I have when it comes to DID. My girlfriends protector and I are now good friends and work towards helping my girlfriend. My girlfriend is finally in therapy but her protector feels this therapist is not right for her. One of the main problems is that since he is a professional she accepts his help without question. He recently suggested she put herself into psych ward to get further treatment and the type of treatment according to her protector will not help her but hurt her. Her protector is also worried about her being isolated away from the ones who love and care for her.

My girlfriend and I recently went through a breakup because of what her female alter was doing. I have since learned her female alter was trying to setup a relationship for my girlfriend so she could escape away from everyone. This is not something my girlfriend wants and wasn't aware of it until I push the matter and made her face it ... Which obviously caused problems for the whole system. Something I continue to learn. If hurt my girlfriend or upset her I basically hurt them all and upset them all. It can be a difficult balancing act but our love is so strong which they see and understand. When I left my girlfriend not only was she heartbroken they were hurt as well. Her female alter realized by pushing me away she ended up hurting my girlfriend more. Both her main alters took turns texting me apologizing and telling me how much my girlfriend was hurting ... They didn't know what to do or how to fix it. My girlfriend wouldn't allow her protector to suppress the memory.

We have since gotten back together and things have been much better. Her female alter still doesn't like me but she is keeping her distance because she is in fear of my girlfriends wrath. Because of the breakup her female alter came clean to my girlfriend about everything. She knows she was wrong.

I'm in high hopes the worst is behind me. My girlfriend and I are way more open about her DID more now than ever. My girlfriend is giving me a lot of guidance on how to deal with some situation. She tells me her female alter can sense my insecurities, worries or other negative things and uses these things to her advantage to gain control and cause problems for us. I'm doing my best to just focus on my girlfriend and always treat her as her and keep things as normal as possible for her. My girlfriends protector tells me the same. Just focus on my girlfriend and to stop talking or worrying about her DID. He tells me he will talk to me if something needs to be talked about with her DID.


Other than that .. Things have been better. I continue to look out for my own well being. As anyone in a relationship with someone with DID can tell you it's one of the hardest things to do. If you love your other than do your best to be there for them ..that's what I'm doing and her protector respects me for it.

Hi Startail,

So happy things are working out for you and your girlfriend. I wish you all the best. Always take care of yourself. As my therapist tells me, "You have to take care of yourself before you can care for others". I am following her advice and realizing my health and well being is very important too, as is yours. I take time for myself by exercising, meditating, and practicing mindfulness. I wish you peace. love, and true happiness.

Orchids