Just diagnosed DID...dont want it

I am struggling with this DID diagnosis. In some ways its a relief...so many things make sense. I am just scared that it make me too broken, too crazy. I have been looking around at online forums, message boards, etc and I see people who seem to revel in being different or special, like it's a badge of honor. I don't want anyone to know, but I am so alone. I don't know what parts of my head are what "normal" people do, and what is part of the DID. I read through a thread about "you know you have DID when..." which was supposed to be funny...but it just scares me because it hit too close to home. I have so many questions. I've spent so much time and energy hiding, making excuses and trying to figure out what happened. Some parts want to talk to anyone who will listen, but I know the higher functioning part of me has to keep quiet, so I do. I just need help figuring this out.

Hi,

Welcome to the forum.

It's ok to be scared. You're not alone. Here many people have gone, are going through the same things you're going through, or know someone who is.

Maybe those things in the "You know you have DID when..." are not funny now, because you're scared. But keep reading, keep getting to know yourself/yourselves, and maybe one day you might laugh about it.

You have questions? Good, search them here, or post them, many people here are willing to answer you. It's normal that some parts want to stay hidden to feel safe, keep reading and searching the site, and see if you feel comfortable here. When they feel comfortable enough, they'll post.

So, welcome again, you are not alone.

Sea

hey there... welcome to the forum, even though to you it may not be under the most pleasant circumstances..

DID can be very tough, yes, it can be hell even, and i've been there too, not wanting this, not wanting to be seen as crazy, thinking i won't be accepted.. And to some, i am crazy, by some, i am not accepted, but I have finally accepted myself.. ourselves. DID can be a blessing, it is a coping mechanism designed by the mind to find a way to make something that happened more bearable somehow. Maybe you don't know yet why or how, but you can find out if you get to know yourself.

Please don't be afraid of yourself, or of the opinions of those around you. There will be poeple who will love you even if you would tell, there are people who will accept all of you, but first concentrate on trying to cope with yourself and your own mind. As Seangel said, ask questions, look through posts. If it hits close to home, maybe you can do somehing with it, read the advice people have given each other and see if you can use it. To me it helped tremendously to know i wasn't alone and that there were people who had gone through the same and could give me insight on what to do next.

I've been lost in my mind, lost in a whirlwind of depressions and days where I couldn't handle myself and wished it would all stop. it will get better. Those may seem idle words now, but please trust me, it can get better. DID is part of who I am now, I could not have wished for better life-companions than my alters, and they help me cope, protect me and care for me. It doesn't have to be bad

sorry for the long rant I hope you'll feel better soon.

Hello there,

I am a support person, my BF has DID. I'm right on the same page as you, and can understand how you may feel.

DID is about hiding; first, it's about hiding things in your own mind, and it's also about hiding and appearing like "regular people" to everyone else. My opinion is that most people with DID fall into this category of "covert DID", and of course there are others who display very "overt" differences in personality. Each person with DID is different, their system is different and their way of coping is different.

Anyway, getting back to what you said, I doubt that there's anything you are doing, or any alter that appears any different than things that "normal" (and what's really normal?) people do. They are sometimes just more separate emotions at times instead of being all blended together like singleton people.

I also have not been to the "You know you have DID" page either, simply because my guy will not seek therapy, so none of this has become funny to me. But there may be a time when you will be able to read some it and say, "Ha! I do that too!"

And you are NOT too broken, or crazy. I bet you're a spontaneous, fun person, full of ideas and talents that anyone would find you a delight to be around.

Congrats on finding about the DID, it's answered a lot of questions, and now you can start to move on towards happiness and peace.

Accepting the diagnosis is a big adjustment, and it takes time. You are not alone. Many of us who talk so openly about our DID used to feel just as you do now. Before I began posting here I lurked for weeks, reading threads and feeling sick with horror. Now, I remember those feelings but they are in the past and I am very comfortable here and in my life in general.

I don't think anyone wants DID. Its just something you get.