Is it DID or just me?

I don't know if I have actual DID or the DDNOS, but anyway. I definitely switch into different personalities and hear mumbling and talking in my brain and just today I suddenly noticed someone had taken over that wasn't there yesterday, but I don't have a name for this current person who is typing, or for any of the other ones.

However, my question is - usually people with DID do have friends, relationships, marriages, children etc, but not me. I barely have any friends, never have, and depending on my different personality people look down on me, treat me like a valley girl or are afraid of me etc. Even when my "normal person" is out she is unable to really connect with anyone although she gets along with most people and people find her nice enough. Is it so that I have no one inside me that is able to have normal relationships with people and that isn't caused by the personalities? (or the reasons why I have them, sexual abuse, verbal abuse, bullying etc). My IQ is slighly above normal, I used to be good at school and am currently "studying" at a university in a field that is quite hard to get into where I'm living so I can't be quite as retarded as I usually feel. I think most times I act like an autistic person but how do I know if I'm actually autistic or just really traumatized?

I've recently become tired of talking to anyone because whenever I open my mouth I feel like it isn't me talking and when people ask me for my opinion for something I just come up with something because I feel that my true core is a non-human entity who is unable to speak, who doesn't have any thoughts or feelings and who just floats in its own universe with no need to have any connection to anyone.

Also many people with DID or DDNOS etc. do seem to be able to love themselves at least somewhat but I hate this whole system and my days consist of reliving the billion times when other people have shown they hate me too. I do go to therapy but I don't know if it's helping at all, though she's specialized in my types of disorders I don't feel any connection to the therapist either and basically feel like I'm talking to a chimpanzee, or that I'm the chimpanzee and we've got nothing in common, just as with everyone else.

Can it be that my brain is so damaged by my past (the sexual abuse most likely started when I was under two years old) that I just am not a human being anymore?

Good evening, scharah

First of all, welcome to the forum ... if you are new here, I don't recall seeing your name around here before but there are a lot of things I don't recall much at the moment.

About the name(s) of your parts, some have them, others don't, some have a few parts with names and other unnamed, so your experience seems to be compatible with DID. If you feel in control of what you are typing yet it has a "strange" quality to it, you may be experiencing depersonalization.

People with DID, just like the general population, seem to distribute themselves across the spectrum of social interactions. I don't have a lot of friends either, never have, but these friends are high-quality, so I'm not exactly disappointed. I have difficulty with social relationships, am not seeking more beyond friends at the moment.

A reason I can think of which complicates social relationships would be issue with trusting others. I find it makes it hard for me to connect to someone else. About the therapist, if you don't mind me asking, how long have seen her ? It took me over a year with my current therapist before we could talk of something else than what I did during the week, or other "recent" preoccupations. I don't trust him enough yet to tell him everything that is going on with me. I also meet a social worker at my school who has known me for several years now, and I find it easier to talk about what's on my mind.

I agree with you that dissociation can make it hard to feel like you've got something, anything, in common with someone else. My thought patterns seem to be distinctly different from most other people I know, but I can't tell how influential dissociation is with regard to that. It certainly seems like many self-help tips made for and by singletons don't apply to multiples.

To conclude, I don't know what you have gone through, and I don't know how hard it will be to heal, but I'd at least give it a good try. I hope this helps you in some way !

You sound fully human to me. No other species seems to be capable of self-loathing; some authorities on human psychology say this capability is one of the defining features of being human.

Self-loathing and alienation are states, not traits. Meaning, they are not you, they are merely what is happening to you at this time. I am glad you are working with a therapist; that is a good way to move forward.

Followup thread begun September 2014:
DID Forum: Can this be true? How do I know?