Pregnant and estate agents causing anxiety :(

Nothing much to do with DID but I'd rather post it here because I think people might understand...

I'm 17 weeks pregnant and obviously can't take diazepam any more to calm my anxiety. I've came off lamotrigine for the baby and only on 50mg quetiapine now. We're moving house soon and in our last month of contract with the current place. The estate agents keep ringing me saying can I do viewings "tomorrow". It's freaking me out. The idea of being home alone (fiancé at work) and random people coming over and looking around the house... It is freaking me out to no end. We've put our move forward to 8th June but they're still insisting. Just got another phone call which I ignored and a text saying can I do a viewing tomorrow. Even though I've sent emails telling them we've put our move date forward to 8th allowing them 19 days from us moving out to the end of our contract to do viewings. They ignored these emails (just like they ignored any and all emails of us asking for repairs!)

I'm really freaking out. I'm scared people are just going to walk into the flat. It's really kicking up my anxiety. We are unable to push the move forward any more . It's in our contract that we need to allow viewings in the last 2 months, and they've flat out threatened me over the phone that they're going to take money from our deposit if we don't allow viewings. It's not like I'm not allowing viewings, I'm saying please do them after we've moved... But they're just ignoring what I'm saying. I'm so scared they're just going to walk into the flat.

I'm freaking out

Hi there,

Breathe.

...

Really, inhale, exhale.

Can you call someone you trust to be there with you when viewings are happening? A friend, somebody from a support group, a neighbor?
Can you afford loosing your deposit? If financially you can afford it, then your wellbeing is worthy.
Can you have your fiancé on the phone while you're showing the apartment? The sound of his voice, reassuring words can make a difference.

Try talking to that part of yourself that feels so anxious and overwhelmed. It's ok for them to feel that way, maybe another part of you feels more calm about it and can give your other selves reassurance.

If you decide to show the flat, prepare for the discomfort, it is going to feel that way, but it will pass, it won't be forever. Have written things to remind you to stay calm, and breathe, remember to breath.

Hope you find something that works.

Sea

Have just had to say they can do viewings but only after 4.15pm when my fiancé gets in from work. Can't turn down viewings as apparently if we do the landlord has told them he will give them permission to enter without our permission. This is a nightmare Having strangers in the house makes me so scared.

Feathers wrote:Have just had to say they can do viewings but only after 4.15pm when my fiancé gets in from work. Can't turn down viewings as apparently if we do the landlord has told them he will give them permission to enter without our permission. This is a nightmare Having strangers in the house makes me so scared.

It is really rude and unthoughtful what the landlord said.

Good thing viewings are going to be after your fiancé is there.

Something else that might help you feel better is that the vast majority of those strangers are only really going to have a look at the flat, nothing more.

Sea

It's horrible dealing with landlords/agents and viewings on top of anxiety. I've been in the same position and I agree, restrict the viewings to certain times and with enough notice. You can make it clear (or your fiancé can) that you will be there for the viewing appointments, so they don't think they can come in without knocking on the door and you both answering (after all you might have appointments or official people round). Them giving enough notice should take care of that, and I think by law they have to? If it's an agent they don't work massively late, so after a certain time they're not going to come round and most of your evening will be yours.

It is very stressful, but soon you'll be in a new place and you won't have to worry about it. Look after your health and hang in there for now

Wow So I told them 4.15 was okay as my fiancé would be in, what happened? They knocked on my door at 3.45 expecting to be let in. When I explained to him he just basically started getting really angry and banging on about the contract. I didn't let them in :/.

Then I rang up the office to tell them how pissed off I was and I was told that one of their colleagues had rang me that morning to confirm that the 3.45 viewing was okay. Okay well they just completely invented that phone call!!!! Why would I say 3.45 was okay despite saying only after 4.15!?

So now I'm worried the landlord is going to get really pissy and ring my new estate agents and retract his reference and we will lose the new place as we are not signing contracts for another week. Can he do that? :s

How is this going now, Feathers? And although I think the landlord could retract a reference. It would also be such a stupid thing to do. That it's unlikely. Because if he doesn't support your move. Then you can stay put and claim squatters rights. And though that's not something you want to do [because it's super stressful!] It would mean he'd need to get an eviction order to remove you. Which is more time and money on him. Not to mention meaning that he can't line up new tenants in the meantime. It's in his best interest to help you, not to mess up your move.

ALSO my experience of estate agents is very mixed too. So without intending offence to any agents reading. It's completely possible that they lied about the landlord agreeing to give permission to enter your property. [Legally, some tenancy agreements would give him the right to enter but only under emergency conditions. Viewings are not emergencies!]

So one way to handle this. If it's possible! Might be to contact your landlord directly. Make him aware if he's not already that you're pregnant and don't want people in the house during the day. Which is a completely reasonable request!! And that you'll happily do viewings after 4.15pm. And that the agents are being crap about it. Causing you enormous stress which you don't want because you're pregnant. Most people have at least some respect for pregnancy. They don't want to risk causing any harm along the way through stress. Once he's on your side, the agents can fuss all they like. There's nothing they won't stoop to. But it won't matter because they don't have any real power. That's all between you and the landlord.

I actually have a happy ending Ada!

I sent a text message to the landlord explaining everything. He rang me and told me (again, we knew this) that he doesn't trust this company as far as he can throw them. He is actually sacking them on the 8th so we won't have to deal with them after that! I think the reason they're desperate to get viewings in is because they want to sign a contract with a tenant so he can't leave them or something!

So he asked while he was on the phone if a viewing was okay, when OH was in of course. (He's REALLY nice, I really do believe the estate agents were lying when they said landlord would give them access!) So he came over last night with potential tenants at 6pm and I hid outside in the car! Ha ha. He was really nice. OH asked him what we should do if estate agents try to arrange any more viewings, he said to tell them to wait until we'd moved out! And that we had his permission to not allow viewings until then! (I explained about the anxiety thing and how I can't take meds - diazepam - whilst pregnant. If I could I probably wouldn't have missed my own pregnancy announcement on stage at our engagement party as I had to run off to throw up from nerves haha).

So if they ring up any more I have the OK to tell them where to go!

Oh goodness. The part about the pregnancy announcement made me LOL. I'm so sorry, that's not really funny. Well, it is sort of. "You know you have anxiety when- "

How brilliant about your landlord, though! YAY! And what a relief that you only have to deal with this agency a little while longer.

Ada wrote:Oh goodness. The part about the pregnancy announcement made me LOL. I'm so sorry, that's not really funny. Well, it is sort of. "You know you have anxiety when- "

How brilliant about your landlord, though! YAY! And what a relief that you only have to deal with this agency a little while longer.

ahaha it is funny in retrospect. I've only been sick 3 times in my pregnancy (I'm 18 weeks) and that had to be one of them! Mixture of anxiety and the fact I hadn't really eaten but my OH said "we have a bit of an announcement to make" and I just had to run for the toilets. Sooo embarrassing but a funny story .

To add to the funniness, a friend of OH's work friend was in the toilets at the time. She said "oh do you want me to hold your hair back?" !!!!! I said no that's fine!! Then I said, I'm missing my own pregnancy announcement!!! OH is out there announcing it RIGHT NOW! She was like OMG!

Can't wait to get rid of this agency honestly! They are so terrible. They don't do repairs. They ignore any emails you send them unless it's in their interests! I'm not even exaggerating. THe landlord had to fix our bathroom light after we waited 2 months because they just weren't interested in doing it, even though he pays them to do it!