Update on me - Chris and her Secret Selves

Thanks for everyone’s response to my post.

Here is what has been happening.

Issue 1 - The talk my husband wanted to have with me and how it went.

Well, we came and sat down with him. We stayed as much centered and focused and none confrontational. Being open and receptive. At the same time, we had a small digital recorder tucked in our pant waistline to record the whole thing.

He said what he said what he had to say and I said what I had to. I told him the drug and alcohol test came back negative. I even, calmly, shared with him how hurt I was in how I felt he did not believe or trust me. I, also, told him the religious channel etc. on 24/7 was extremely triggering for us because of our past ritual abuse. His comment was that I had to forget the past and move on.......We just held our own for the rest of the talk. We haven’t gone back to review the recording, but will be doing that today.

Issue 2 - Tues. 4/15/14, Bringing my husband to my session with my Therapist.

Had our session with my regular therapist. The one who demanded I get the drug and alcohol test. She said the last time I was in, she wanted me to bring my husband in. So, this past Tuesday, he came with me to my session. I drove.

We went in and I told my therapist the drug and alcohol test came back negative. She didn’t say good. What she did say, was she was going to my Psychiatrist, who she works under do some sort of program where he can search the Internet to see if I have been buying drugs or Doctor Shopping. We were going NUTS in our head. I, again, like with the drug and alcohol testing, told her there was going to be nothing found, as I have not done such.

She, also, strongly insisted my husband to remove the door to my Studio.

We just sat there, trying to keep our composure for fear of what they may try next.

We didn’t even tell her we found a lump in our right breast. We would have before she turned on us. But, no more. We are only going to say and act “as if” things are working they way she wants them to be.

Issue 3 - New Alter

I have been in contact with my DID Therapist, who is the only one I can trust at this point. We talked about the recent events and have both come to the conclusion a new Alter has surfaced. He is in his late 50’s and is a drunk. Acts drunk, talks drunk, does drunken behavior. His name is Drunken Dan. So, that is a new situation to deal with.

Issue 4 - Partial Inpatient Program

Yesterday, Wed. 4.16.14 at 1:00 pm, I had my assessment for the Partial Inpatient Hospitalization Program yesterday. It was over an hour long with a very kind women Psychologist. She asked me ALL SORTS of questions with respect to my mental history. ALOT of stuff was brought up. She told me in the end of our meeting, she would have to discuss with the team (the other psychiatrist, psychologist, nurse who is part of the PIP program) to see if they would recommend me as a good candidate for the program.

She explained to us how the PIP worked and what the scope was. I told her it was exactly what we are looking for as a good tool.

She said she would give me a call tomorrow, which is today Thursday. I told her I really wanted to do the PIP to learn new ways of dealing with my emotions, anger, etc.

Well, I left and headed home. I had to run some errands on the way home. I was just going to hold tight and come from the place, I was going to be accepted, but would have to wait until today to find out. Well, at 3:45pm yesterday, Jill, the Psychologist, who I met with called me and said they had accepted me to the PIP program. We are sooooooooo happy.

We start this Monday, 4/24/14 and it goes for 15 days, 9:00am to 3:30pm, 5 days a week. We are looking sooooooo forward to going.

When we got home (which I don’t call this home any more actually) my husband asked how things went. I told him and showed him the informational brochure on the Adult Partial Hospital Program. Pointing out the program objectives and components. One being Family Therapy. He said we were already in Family Therapy with our Marriage Counselor. I told him that is not the same thing. I, also, told him the Psychologist asked me if he had any support or was in therapy. I told him I told her no. He, immediately, got all bent out of shap and said things like, “What am I going to say to a Therapist and we cannot afford it with all your therapy.” UGH!!!

Also, needless to say, we were Triggered a bit, with all the questions asked in the assessment with the Psychologist for the PIP program. I told my husband I was triggered and he basically told me I am going to have to come around to not letting my past control me!!!!

Issue 5 - Husband has taken over bank account and my money

He has taken over how and when and how much money we can spend. It is pathetic. I cannot live like this. Asking him if I can buy lunch out, gas, ANYTHING. I have to have his Permission like we are some child.

I was paying the bills, but he took issue with how I was paying them. I said, fine go ahead and take over paying them. I’m not going to lend him a hand or help in anyway. Let him figure it out.


Issue 6 - The lump in my right breast

I have an appointment to see my Family Doc this Fri. 4/18/14. I told my husband I found a lump and he has said a word or showed any signs of concern.

If it turns out to be cancer, we are not sure what we are going to do. Part of us wants to do nothing and let the cancer runs it’s course. Then the other saide, the Breast Cancer Warrior will fight.

We won’t know until we met with our Doc. on Friday,


Sigh.

I didn’t go to bed last night. We couldn’t stand being in the same room with him. We went into our Studio. We just kind of held our own. We had originally posted here at 5:00 am, but for some reason it just went “poof” and disappeared. I toyed with the idea of starting over and posting, but it was so late.

I decided to get in my Meditation lounge chair and use my Alert. See this link for an amazing tool, which has helped us tremendously. https://www.mindalive.com/Products_DAVID_ALERT.htm

Okay, it is 11:40 am and I haven’t gone out of my Studio. I can hear my husband has the television on the religious channel. Our triggers are major sensitive and we do not want to go out of our Studio.

We are paranoid to say the least. We have encrypted our computer, because it wouldn’t surprise me he has tried to get in it.

We just can’t live like this. We have some ideas that we are working on. Our focus is to leave here. Move out. We do not need to be held captive and treated like a child.

I’ve got a call into my Psychiatrist and my DID Therapist right now. So, we are holding our own.

Thank you so much for reading this long post. It is good to know that we have a place where we can express and be open, true and honest and be able to share how we are feeling without being ridiculed and not validated.

I am so glad I found this Forum.

Chris
Coming from a place where:
" We are stronger than they know"

Hello. I just wanted to let you know that I read your post and am sending support. I'm not very good at responding to long posts because I forget what was said so I thought I would at least tell you I read it and that I hope your situation improves.

What does PIP stand for? I am glad you are happy you got into it...

Your husband sounds like he has some behaviours and comments that are very unhelpful to your well-being and not very understanding of your past and triggers at all. I hope you can get into a healthier situation somehow with this...

Thanks for your kind words and support.

PIP stands for Partial In-Patient. I forgot not everyone knows what that means.

I went out of my Studio and fixed me a cup of coffee and toasted a cinnamon raisen bagel with cream cheese, got a protein drink and came back to my Studio. I have my door open, so my husband cannot say anything.

I cannot tell you how relieved I am that I found PsychForum. I am still making my way around it discovering all it has. I haven't come across an Chats. Are there any Chats?

Well, I got to go for now.

Peace,
Chris and Secret Selves
"We are stronger than they know."

No there aren't any chats, but we do have PM, private message system. From there on you can get better acquainted with other people and then find other ways to be able to chat. This is so that nobody can get your private information such as email addresses. If you'd like, you could share those in the PM's so that only those people get to see them.

Your husband, your regular t, they sound incredibly invalidating! Most people with DID that I know are incredibly strong people and they do not need to be treated like children except for when they switch to one. It's just sad that so often the people closest to us, don't understand what DID is really about and how we live.
Since you seem to have made up your mind about moving out, I hope it will be smooth and that you will find a nice Home, where people do not invade your privacy and surround you with triggers and invalidation.
I hope the lump wont be cancer.. And I'm glad they accepted you into the PIP and hope that it will give you what you want from it. You do sound like you're coming from a strong place and I respect that a lot, especially with so many things going on.

Peace to you, too

I'm reading here too, Chris. I hope you don't mind. How are you all doing this week? I hope PIP's going really well.