Posted in a different forum....directed here

I posted this in a different forum but was told this forum might be more helpful........so here it goes......

I was just officially diagnosed with depersonalization, but have been diagnosed with BPD since 18 yrs old due to trauma. I do not understand depersonalization, it scares me reading about it, and from what I have read, it kind of fits but a lot of what is inside me does not fit. If that even made sense. I feel like I have two other parts of me inside of me. One part being a little girl, and it is quite terrifying because when I dissociate sometimes I feel like a child and behave as one but its like I'm inside myself watching the body behave as a child and feel like a child trapped back in time. And I cant control it, can not control what the body is doing or how it is feeling so small. I can not explain this well. And then feel like there is this angry evil something inside me but it only hates that other part of me, the child part. Does this happen or can it be part of depersonalization or what is happening to me???? I know I have had severe abuse when a child and other severe traumas but these other sides of me that I can not control my body when they are happening has been with me forever. I just do not understand. Im confused and hope someone can explain this disorder to me. Or if these other sides of me and what I am experiencing is part of this? Please someone.
I forgot to add, that sometime during my life, these things inside were given names, and they have been there for as long as I can remember. It does not make sense. Just confused.

Hi,

I don't have DID but am a supporter of someone who does. Please don't be ashamed of yourself. Others on here will help you understand what is going on. More than likely, those other parts inside of you developed during your abuse. A good therapist and some good folks on here will help.

Orchids

I just want to say that the parts you are describing sound SO much like niva and ninchen were. In my T's words: 'A perfectly normal response to intolerable suffering'. Or something along those lines. Feel free to ask me questions, because I'm not quite sure what to say! I guess I'd recommend learning as much as you can about these parts. Journaling can be helpful. Talk to them if they're close. Ask them questions. Get to know them, their motives, etc. Let us know how that goes...

what you write as in

feeling two parts
that can take over thebody without your control
one being rather evil (as you write)
one being a little kid trapped in time

that is scary to feel and to go through,but if you skim to other posts on this board you may find you re not alone.

feel free to PM me if you want to talk more.

best of luck

I was just dx with depersonalization disorder and DDNOS. I feel like I have a child part, a mean part and some helper parts. They don't talk to me, but through me. My child part is stuck in time too. She thinks she has to be responsible and doesn't think she is a child. I don't know how you were diagnosed. I took 4 exams and spent 4 hours with a psychologist, I also have a psychotic disorder and I don't have DID so it took some time to figure out what was going on. Yes, if you read posts here you will find people who will relate. I am just starting this journey.

Bear with me here, after a long day words and sentences don't always work well for me.

I wanted to say welcome again . I think you'll find alot of help here, I know I did.


Thought I could share some of my experiences, even though these are just from a depersonalization disorder standpoint, they still might be helpful.

TW

I don't have alters, but I do have some...interesting experiences when I feel particularly separated from myself. Usually it's felling too,...big, like I should have the body of a child or preteen, but I see and still sort of feel the body of an adult. Occasional intrusive thoughts commenting on what I'm doing. If I feel uncomfortable around someone. I sometimes feel the desire to "bare my fangs" as it were... Then there's the desire to hurt people, wither those who are a threat, have wronged me, or bother me slightly, but I don't like going into that .

End TW

Anyway, I hop that was helpful in some way, even if not ( ) I'm sure you'll find this community to be friendly and helpful.

Thank you all for the responses.

I am finding some of what you guys are saying familiar. I am still confused, not feeling to well about what feels like all the craziness in my head right now. Think I just need to try and get my head collected. I want to thank you for sharing your experiences with me. It is sort of a relief in some ways.

The T I am with now is a great T. I just feel way to open now, and am kind of freaking out about all that. Maybe feeling to comfortable. I will hopefully get this all sorted out and okay. It certainly doesn't feel ok. Will keep posted.

Thank you all for your support and for sharing.

Just take it easy and don't push things too hard. Things will clear up for you as time goes on. I'm glad to hear you have a good T, that is so important to things . Wishing you rest and peace.

~Partial