Have 2 see Parents..switched during T.. all ev3 where!!

Hello every one,

Its been a hell of a thew weeks for us and a totally struggle. When we got to the T, we just spoke in one long sentance for the first time I think we seemed over welmed.

Any how, during the session lots of stressful things came up in the name of healing as they normally do in thearpy.

Now - TRIGGER WARNING!!!

In about 6 hours my So's parents will arriver at our humble home, where my SO will have spent as many hours as her body will allow, cleaning and cleaning and cleaning awaiting the royal visit because her entire side of the family is so ANAL and sad when it comes to things being clean and tidy. This is because they have nothing better to do with there life than to make sure thigns are at right angles and every speck of dust is gone.

We on the other hand like to live in our home, not to live for our home to be made to look like a show home. We have a dog , a cat, etc, etc and etc.... we love our little home. I am physicaly disabled and unable to do much include bath myself (just to give you an example of how much physcial activity i can do) my partner as well as all the main meals, look after our animals, the home also has a full time job that includes nights - so as you can see- cleaning really isnt on ourr list of priorities! But judgement is!!!!

So stresss,,,,...here comes the trigger bit.............so we have the anal in laws follwoed by the next day traveling to see my parents , with whom we are staying with for two nights. My farther is responcible for 15 years of abuse that is why i have DID. He had a major medical thing 10 years ago and litually had some kind of personallity transplant, we havent seen that old farther since. It was like her died, when his heart stoped for that moment he hasnt done andything like that old person since that day! It is a very bizare situation but a very triggering one all the same.

So then back to the T session>

She said back to some things, i had said to her, word for word about my responcibility to my mum. Except she said it ina very condersending tone. She did this on purpose because she wanted me to in previous appointment i had lead her, unintentially via River who is a very optimistic alter to believe that i no longer believed that statment she was about to say- she wanted to test if this double bind was still there or not- This is what she said, in the condersending tone....

'you mother is weak, you have to call her every day to make sure she is ok, she can not look after her self, you have to do that or you are a bad daught, dont you'

My body manner changed and i went silent and i went to say something and said no dont worry , she said 'no let it out' in my head i heard Sam say ' WELL SHE ASKED FOR IT'

All i remember next is snippets-

SWEAR WORDS AHEAD PLEASE BE AWARE (NOT WHAT I SAID BTW)

Talk about ######6 condersending! WHAT THERE ANY ######6 NEED TO SAY IT LIKE THAT? you have totally ######6 triggered me and, O yeah! ten minutes b4 the end of the session, thats really great of you.

Sam then leaves

My T is taken back as i am a classic middle class brit, well educated brit who is extra polite! Well River is!

She says soem thing like - Im really sorry i upset you like that, i..........

Enter Alter called 'ME'

i REMEBER NOTHING..............EXCEPT............blubber..........you dont understand.................you..........triggered me............you dont have to live with the constant triggering every time i call my mum, the fear that one day he might hurt her or kill her, even though part of me knows he wont i still worry, i still hear the old him, that tone....blubber,,,, dripping tears........ ( btw i have never cried in T in 6 months b4!!!)

Alter Number 3 - I have no idea but I also know Elliot spoke to her at the start as well!! This is the first time without guided imagery this has every happened!!!


It was all so .......... nothing............after...........i looked at her and she said wow..........and i said what? she said i've never been called condersending in 15 years of being a T! I was i called you condersending?!?! She asked if i remember crying!?! I felt my face.... No! I didnt remember.... what about the tissue in your hand!!! O crap--- how did that get there!!! I remember her being throw away with my concerns about my mum and why i had to call her each day but as river i understoof she was playing devils advercote because iw as visiting my parents and we had been building on this topic previous etc etc but as alter Sam and Alter 'me' - very different story!!


I just had to come home and sleep!!! I felt so bad for shouting ans swareing, me and my T laughted about it after because it is so unlike me and she recognised that it was Sam with out me having to say.


I am just so ..............shocked at it all and so stressed at the in laws coming and the paretns visit tomorrow. Just going to hide............. but it wont work.............

i need help where to put my parts................

I am.................discombobulated................i actually dont even know if that spells a word!!!

hi to the 90 people that have read this post,

could at least 1 of you tell me if i was making sense or if i am just beyound help?

Either way is fine i just need to know.

I'm reading this for the first time. Hugs, it sounds like you're going through a tough time and know what you mean about it being really confusing when lots of parts come out in therapy and say stuff that you are shocked about after. If your system is anything like ours, then you won't have to work out where to put the parts as someone will just come out and take over whilst the in laws and parents are around. You will need to do some nice things after to help everyone keep calm, allow time for everything to filter through and make sense of what has gone on. I wish you had more time before they arrive so everyone could help calm you down (or a part that would come out and numb you so that you don't feel pain). Safe hugs, will be thinking of you for the weekend. What someone keeps reminding us in the hard times, is that we have survived 26 years, we will survive through the next few days too.....it will just be painful at the time but afterwards they will take the pain away and let you forget again.

You made sense to me....just not sure what you are wanting to hear

I think you need to recognise the things you've already said yourself.
Your life and your home are in a state you accept and are good with.
Your in-laws will be just passing by. Anal people like this are hard to satisfy, so it might be a better option to just 'keep them behind glass' and not pay much attention to them.
As for your parents, you must figure out how to minimise damage. Even if it means stepping back and nodding even when you don't agree.
Like the poster before me said, you survived this long, you will survive the next days.
So many of us struggle to keep somehow sane. But it starts with us. Take some radical steps and just accept the next days may be unpleasant, but it will go away. Just don't drown in pessimism. That you were triggered at T might just mean you all let go and it was a healthy reaction. You blew off steam and nothing indicates this should happen again with your family, like you said, you are polite and kind and all that. Just keep swimming!


xoxox

Thank you both for replying, just knowing that there are people out threewilling to take the time and give me a supportive and virtual safe hug I think is what I needed.

There is a past of me, an alter that is very very emotionally messy! She types first and thinks later I used to be embarrassed but I have got over it now. Any one who dose not I understand a panic day had a heart of stone. We have some days wherewe just read all the posts with no replies and make shoe they Getty one because we know how important it is not to feel alone. Especially with that dumb ass counter next to it! Whose idea was that! What purpose dose out solve? Is it a competition? So perplexed!


Sam shouted and swore at the in laws twice yesterday and my lost girl part cried twice in front of them but they went with it. They love me and there daughter very much, we are very luckly. They deserved the shouting at-it was a protective rant about diabetic stuff and also allowing your partner to look after you instead of putting your ego first. Or so I was told! Lol.

We are doing good and all the better fired both of you helping, thank you.

riverside wrote:Thank you both for replying, just knowing that there are people out threewilling to take the time and give me a supportive and virtual safe hug I think is what I needed.

Safe hug for the win! Have one extra now! (0.0)

There is a past of me, an alter that is very very emotionally messy! She types first and thinks later I used to be embarrassed but I have got over it now.

Just a little quirk. Don't worry about it, I think it's safe to say many have such a part in them.[/quote]

Any one who dose not I understand a panic day had a heart of stone. We have some days wherewe just read all the posts with no replies and make shoe they Getty one because we know how important it is not to feel alone. Especially with that dumb ass counter next to it! Whose idea was that! What purpose dose out solve? Is it a competition? So perplexed!

Sometimes people are just not feeling up to par to reply to certain topics. The counter is more for administrative purposes, way I see it. But I know how lonely it feels to get no replies for a while.
Would you care to write a topic about yourself and your system, so we could get to know you better? Maybe just a blog post, if that would be more comfortable to you?

Sam shouted and swore at the in laws twice yesterday and my lost girl part cried twice in front of them but they went with it. They love me and there daughter very much, we are very luckly. They deserved the shouting at-

Go Sam! And compared to your first post this one is much more optimistic and encompassing the views of your family. i am glad to hear you feel their love, even if the situation is stressful.

Take care and keep us updated!

We're pleased that you managed to get through one set of parents without major incident, hehe go Sam (only because there are times we wished someone had stood up for us and hadn't). Thinking of you again today