I'm new here

Yeah well Mimi have a way of butting in though it is the first she now more willing to be more open. But it nice that me and her can easily switch (though lightheadedness seem to come first then switch) .Well I definitely have a child alter cause that where is all my terrible trauma is considering I cant remember as much as Mimi does of when I was little. When I was younger though I know about the bullying and stuff, I cant exactly remember the traumatic parts of 4-18; like it being block out.

Dont worry about the trigger since it was with Mimi. But after Mimi came fully out, the other bad side of me was screaming at me for calling it evil. alot of back and forth and I felt as well as Mimi felt like our heads was about to explode. So I took back in control cause Mimi rather be the one who deals with the bad part.

Well I'm glad Mimi can take care of that side but I'm not sure evil is the right word. Even though it is an alter, it's still a part of you and is a person in its own right. Even though you don't know that part's name, maybe you could give it a male/female name like Tony or something until he or she opens up to you? Most alters will open up after showing respect and trust to them. Also, do you have a journal? Maybe keeping in communication with your alters that way will help.

Yeah well evil was the only thing I could think of to describe how badly that part of me feel toward me. I know I shouldnt say stuff like that cause they are apart of me. Well I guess I talk it out with Mimi to see what she thinks.

I do find it funny how you suggest the name tony, when the friend I current cling to (thank to BPD) is named Tony who also have DID as well as bipolar and depression. He have several altars all different names.

I do want to keep a journal cause I feel like there so much clutter in my mind that I have to write down everything that in it.

I am also going to try to close my eyes and search for other alters cause I can feel something deep inside and me and mimi need to open up and find them. We always just thought it was just the two of us that we didnt bother trying to connect with others in ourselves though we realized that stuff go on in our heads that neither one of us think of and a childlike person is there.

Sidenote: I just found out me and Mimi have different handwriting. Which is weird and cool. Though my is better =P

I hope your internal search goes well and even if you don't find anything this time, keep trying, you might. As for the evil side thing, while she may seem evil towards you, that might not be its actual personality which is why that side called you out on it. Maybe that side feels you don't know the real person behind that mean and negative manner it has and that has it upset. Maybe it just wants a chance to be heard which is a reason I suggested the journal so that that side doesn't have to keep its emotions bottled up and can have an outlet for the frustration instead of taking it out on you.

Yeah well when I get this journal, I am going to make sure I tell her to write down her frustration so she dont have to lash on me. I have enough problems lashing out on myself with in my BPD cycle. Bah and my lightheadness came back again. Sheesh. I might just need some rest. Learning alot of ourselves is tough on our head.

I'm going to go to sleep as well since it's late but I'm glad I was able to give you some advice that I hope will help you. Looking at the other topics around here will help too. It was very nice meeting you

Looking around at all the different topics surely shows me alot of different things and point of view. It do help that I am not alone in my struggle. Thanks for all the help you given me.

You're welcome I'm glad I could help ^^