Boyfriend triggered by my parent's home

Hello,

My boyfriend and I have been together for nearly a year. I noticed his altering personality states early in our relationship, and soon after he told me about his DID and began sharing the experiences in his past that contributed to his disorder. One of the issues with his past has to deal with abandonment, often times being left in new places alone, or being left alone at home.

We have practically moved in together in the past months. I can imagine no better arrangement than being with him every night, but nights when I cannot be there it causes a lot of issues. If my parents are out of town and I need to sleep at their house to take care of the dogs. He gets sad that I am not sleeping with him at his house so he comes to sleep at my parent's home.

He gets triggered at their house. He sees memories of my past, and imagines ex-boyfriends who have been there, other men have eaten there with my family, even knowing about guy friends who have stayed over begins to trigger him. When he gets triggered over my past he berates me and dumps me frequently. He doesn't remember half the times he's dumped me.

It is beginning to wear me down. I will do anything in the world to keep him happy! His other personality, a young scared boy, has grown very comforted by me, but whoever this man is who hates my past is hurting our relationship. How do I help him and us? How do I make him believe my love for him no matter what his mental state looks like? How do I get my past to stop triggering him?

Thank you for your help! I love him. I just want to do what's right for us.

You cannot fix him. He has to do that for himself. The best way to help him is to help yourself. Don't put up with his jealousy and insecurity and acting out. Insist he enter psychotherapy and start dealing with his problems or you will end the relationship with him. By problems I do not mean the DID and the childhood trauma history, I mean his current dysfunctional behavior. The past is what it is. The dysfunctional behavior however is here and now and it is fixable.

I agree completely with Una..Your BF has to self help..work on himself,seek therapy and get to the root of his personal demons.His perception and how he processes stress basically has nothing to do with you personally.Its a reaction more likely brought on by past abuse towards him.On that being said,you really sound like you love him and care.You sound very kindhearted and accepting of others..But speak to him,because its not alright to berate people.That kind of emotional abuse,even if not intended or remembered,will wear down your spirit and soul,and could eventually leave you as an empty shell.It probably isnt his intention to hurt you,but he really needs to find a solution through therapy on how to deal with his stress,and emphasize to his alters also,that it is NOT ok to berate..belittle..be abusive to anyone,especially you..no matter what the circumstances.Good luck.XX

We agree with una but see a way between the stage of him getting therapy which must happen for him to function in thus relationship.

If the trigger is the house, take away the trigger. you deserve to be treated with respect and compassion. Your partner has needs but so do you. I very much understand separation anxiety as I experience it with my partner but luckly I do not have an alter like your partner.

Is you partner seeing a t? Is he in communication with his alters?

When love is concerned a direct do this and it's fixed solution doesn't really work because the heart strings pull and tell us in meany directions. Love that is true will always find away.

Hope this helps in some ways

Us and her