Are these alters or just high impressionability?

Hi all..

Sooo I'm lying in bed and can't stop thinking about this issue that has been bothering me. Can someone help me understand? By the way, I'm sorry if I am a little difficult. Tbh, I get a little panicky reading specifically this board and it's hard to explain.

I have always had multiple parts, I'm pretty positive. Up until recently I just called it being impressionable or a social chameleon. But lately I am realizing it is more than that. By the way, my therapist gave me a DID questionnaire to fill out and I'm feeling apprehensive about turning it in...

Anyway. Yeah. I think I have parts. But they don't seem like classic DID. There are hundreds because a new one is created for every person I meet. Some are similar, some are different and contradictory on very fundamental levels.

It's not like I'm lying to people. When a part has control, I truly believe all the things I say. My perception of reality seems to accommodate that. If that part has an illness, I exhibit physical symptoms. If that part is different physically, I will see that in the mirror. I might have beliefs that I would otherwise think are ridiculous.

And my memory is very selective to accommodate the current part and create the image of a seamless life story that is consistent. It seems like I never get to learn from my experiences... only that one part does. So I have spent most of my life solving and then falling back into the same bad behaviors.

Also, if I don't use a part for a long time, when I use if again I will revert back. I will sort of forget my perception of my current life. I might even lose skills I had learned since then, my writing may revert, etc. And I forget what is currently important to me.

I didn't think it was as bad as it is until I went back and collected evidence of who I have been in the past. It's hard to confront that. It was all over the place and practically nothing was consistent. Hundreds of abandoned hobbies and beliefs, inspirations.

Are these alters, or am I just incredibly impressionable?

I'm really trying my hardest to be objective here. But this divedness has destroyed my ability to function in life. I have an elementary school level education, have never had a job, lost dozens of people who could have been friends (I have no friends now) because I'm so divided and if makes it impossible to be a consistently familiar person to the world. My own family, when we talk, is baffled by who I am now and how foreign I became since moving away with my bf, who is the only person who has been by my side thru it all. I dissociate a lot, my body image is different every day, some weeks I can get by and others are lost to a trance lying around in bed. And more damaging dtuff has happened that I can't bring myself to talk about here. Sometimes when a new part is formed and I forget all about this, I can really see a future, only to have it ripped away again 5 minutes after getting home..

So, what is this? Any opinions? Thank you for reading and I'll try to update on how things go with T. I just needed to get this out of my system...

Hello..Are you taking on the identity of who you are with in that moment?And then when no one is around for awhile to stimulate you mentally or emotionally,you feel like you dont really have any identity or know who you are?When people are young,I myself,and I dont know alot about all these conditions,but I feel alot of times people are just trying to find themselves in life.Trying to come to terms with an identity of who they are or who society thinks they should be.Alot of doctors are good.They are there to help.But sometimes they put too much focus on tests..I guess patients wanta diagnosis,and they are just trying to help and give answers.But some doctors label too quickly.You feel like a chameleon at times?I think we all do..Im in my 40s and still wonder who I am at times.I dont feel detatched though or anything.Just feel like Im floating around aimlessly at times..which is pretty normal.Someone made a reply in another forum here recently about how we are always a work in process.How we are kind of always changing/striving with our identities.Hopefully someone who knows more about DID will come on and help you better then me...There are some pretty well informed and helpful people on these forums.xx

starbright333 wrote:Hello..Are you taking on the identity of who you are with in that moment?And then when no one is around for awhile to stimulate you mentally or emotionally,you feel like you dont really have any identity or know who you are?When people are young,I myself,and I dont know alot about all these conditions,but I feel alot of times people are just trying to find themselves in life.Trying to come to terms with an identity of who they are or who society thinks they should be.Alot of doctors are good.They are there to help.But sometimes they put too much focus on tests..I guess patients wanta diagnosis,and they are just trying to help and give answers.But some doctors label too quickly.You feel like a chameleon at times?I think we all do..Im in my 40s and still wonder who I am at times.I dont feel detatched though or anything.Just feel like Im floating around aimlessly at times..which is pretty normal.Someone made a reply in another forum here recently about how we are always a work in process.How we are kind of always changing/striving with our identities.Hopefully someone who knows more about DID will come on and help you better then me...There are some pretty well informed and helpful people on these forums.xx

I don't want a dx, already have plenty of those, I am just trying to figure this out. If it's my weak sense of self from the BPD or if I am actually experiencing something like alters. I wish I could really believe that it was like this for everyone.... I can't live a normal life though because of this. I am barely functional in daily life. There's more to it than I said in the OP, but I don't like to talk about it. It doesn't work for everyone to just say their problem is normal and don't worry about it. I am really, really suffering.

I appreciate your input I just don't think everyone feels like this at all. I know that most people don't feel like this because if they did the world would be in ruin...

Nevermind... I don't know why I posted this. It won't let me edit... can a mod delete this thread?

Posts are only able to be edited a short time after posting and moderators cannot edit a post unless its content is against forum rules.

I hope you can find help and support here

lifelongthing wrote:Posts are only able to be edited a short time after posting and moderators cannot edit a post unless its content is against forum rules.

I hope you can find help and support here

*sigh* tbh I don't really understand it. You used to be able to edit old posts, I liked the idea that I still have power over what I said b/c I rarely agree with old things I said and I say a lot of things impulsively that I don't mean sorry to complain though.

But, thank you for your support

Actually, it has been limited for at least the whole time I have been here (2 years now). Before though, the edit time was slightly longer

The important part is how you are doing though. Glad you are receiving support here