Deprograming behaviours

*trigger warning - abuse mentioned, some details*

As children we certain ideas and actions were instilled into us by our mother, one of them being reporting to her everything we felt and thought and all our secrets. If we didn't we were made to feel like horrible people for "lying" (not giving every little detail) but even when we reported if she didn't like what we said or thought we would be punished too. If we lied though and withheld stuff and she found out, the punishments were bad as well.
Noticing now, as we're older, we still have the tendency to do this reporting, although to others, instead of her, and if we don't we feel horribly guilty and like we are terrible people.

I have come to see this behavior as wrong or sick, and I was wondering if it's something that is fixed by the self (system) or if a therapist needs to help with deprogramming these behaviors and feelings.

Practice mindfulness. Our mother was / is the same. I flipped to the point of not telling anyone anything, even if it hurt me. Now I'm back at home and there are fluctuations...what is safe to say? How much is too much? Will this keep them pacified?

I think a therapist can help, but it mostly comes down to self-regulation. Use your discernment about how much you ought to say. Not sure about the guilt. I alternate between guilt and anger. Again, a therapist can help, but it's mostly on you to work out the feelings you have. A friend or therapist can provide some perspective...I know I lose perspectve when I spend too much time on the inside.

*bump thread* I'd like to see some other responses. I think programming is fairly common...

I don't think we need a therapist for this cause I've barely ever said a word to her about it but we are tackling some rules successfully. But I think t's might speed things up cause they can give insight into certain rules that we might not yet be aware of, and about how to go about breaking them.

I think maybe we do need a therapist for this cause some rules need to be addressed with the alters directly and how can we do that if we disappear when they get out? idk if people with DID have enough complete insight into themselves to actually see the entire picture, and we can't know what to do if we can't see the entire picture? There's like rule-piles on top of rule-piles on top of rule-piles and it's easy to lose track of the piles or to who they belong to, heck it's easy to not be aware of most of the rules at all.

Idk which one to pick lol so I'm writing both..