Trying to understand my bf *trigger warning*

I'm new to these forums. Just happened to find them doing some research and another post I found had so much useful information.

I'm so tired of people telling me to go to a battered women's shelter. My boyfriend hit me a few times left some bruises I did report it he went to jail for a few days. I'm hoping a few days after Christmas the peaceful contact correction will be in place so I can see him.

From talking to his friends, and family. Doing research. Looking into my own family history. I really kind of found myself. Sort of with his help. We are both spiritual. We were going to do an awakening at the beginning of January. With the pain of losing him a friend told me a story of someone she knew who was told by so many to leave his wife after she was sick that left her in a vegetable state the doctors saying there was no hope. He said he would stay by her side no matter what. Now? She is doing better. She struggles some she can drive. She functions. She got better. My friend also told me to pray to find a path. My friend had a situation herself where she did this.

So that night I did just this. In my own way. I've been having trust issues since all this happened almost two weeks ago. So I asked for guides. All but one have passed. Afterwards I realized I had done the awakening myself. Since than night which I hadn't realized at the time was on the Winter Solstice. I've discovered a lot about my family things I didn't know. I finally talked about a possible repressed memory I have and my cousin told me that it's a possibility it's true. I'm glad she was honest. Because no one ever told me that something like that happened.

I'm tired of being told to walk away from him. I don't care that he hurt me a few times. Because all the happiness and love I felt before that makes up for that in my mind. It was the happiest I have ever been. Thinking about things he has said and done and how he has acted lately and before. I started doing research. I believe he might have dissociative identity disorder. When he and my mom met because of their similar past they connected. Both group homes, foster care, abuse of many types (physical, emotional, sexual), lack of support, probably more.

He has mentioned when he was doing good that he believes he has multiple personalities. That was a few months ago.

Now? That I started seeing them. Hearing from people. Friends. Here is where it gets worse. Azazel. If you are familiar with this you know what I mean. He believes that is one of them. He also calls him Azeal. I don't know much about all of this but I just started thinking because of the people he is around and their influence I believe that he when at his worse truly believes that a demon is one of his personalities. I think he thinks of himself as a bad person. I know he isn't. Because when I met him I was with my now ex who has meth addictions. Had me on it for two weeks over a year ago. It scared me one night I haven't touched it since and I won't ever. Well he saw all this. He helped me get away from this guy who was bringing me down I was so deeply depressed.

Everyone is giving up on him and I don't want to. He says everyone lets him fall. If I walk away I will just be another person giving up on him. I can't do that to him. He has trouble showing emotion. He had it drilled into him it was bad to show emotion. Him showing emotion can be a trigger I believe. I want to help him but I'm not even sure where to begin.

I have one question that is bugging me. I was reading about different types of personalities. An angry or protector not sure if these are the same. But the violent one. Is it possible that when that side comes out and physically attacks someone they love can they sort of reach out? I ask because when he hurt me the worse I was afraid and when he for a moment tried to help me I pulled away and then it made him furious. Not sure how often and quick switches happen.

Also one term I'm a little unclear of. So the terms host and original does that mean their true personality?

Thanks for all support.

Hello there, I am a support person who has a BF w/DID.

Can answer a couple of your questions, but not all of them. Whether you decide to stick by him is your decision and nobody else's. Please do not accept abuse though, we are all responsible for our own actions. You will know when enough is enough.

All systems are different. Switches can happen very quickly, or over days.

The term "host" means the alter that is out most of the time and runs the body's life. He/she mostly appears like anybody else, sometimes with no recollection of the abuse. The host can change, though. If the current host becomes exhausted and unable to cope with life, or too stressed, he or she may step down and let someone else do the driving for awhile.

The term "original" or "core" refers to the person that was born in the body before splitting happened. This one may be asleep, hidden, or the host may not be aware of his or her existence. You may never get to meet the "original." It's important to know that all the alters are separate people and should be treated with the same respect you'd give anyone else. They just have different memories, opinions, wants and needs.

Hope that helps a little...