Getting gifts from abusers *possible trigger*

i hate this season. not only do i have to see my abusers (this year we're running away from the 'festivities') but this time our father gave us a gift. its causing so much confusion. how can someone be good and bad? and why did he do this? why couldn't he just pretend we dont exist like we try to do to him. not being nice, and then taking advantage of thankfulness. uuhg. i dont even know where i'm going with this.

anyone else in this situation *heart felt hugs if wanted*

I am with you on hating this season. Getting together with family is tough. I end up in a panic every year. At lest now that our adult part is aware of what has happened she's finally understanding why she ended up drunk every Christmas Eve and night as that was the only way I could get through. I don't want to explain the ritual that we had to do while growing up in order for Santa to come. Our adult has been completely unaware until past few years of what happened. I guess it's good that we are communicating better and now that she has a clue she is doing so much better at finding ways to calm us with our T's help. Deep breathing is something our T has really been pushing recently and it really does seem to help. She's also repeating that we are safe now and that our dad isn't going to hurt us when others are around and we will never be alone with him because all her adult kids will be here.

I'm really sorry that you have to be around your abuser too like I do but I hope that knowing someone is thinking about you and in a similar boat can help. I know finding your post made me feel - better isn't the word cuz until the next 24 hours are over it won't be better, but I guess I felt a little comfort in knowing that someone else out there is having problems to.

take care - Samantha

*hugs* this year we have a game plan. The teens aren't coming out. The littles get the gifts and the protector stays out for the duration of the visit and dinner, and our guide will be in the background to keep those calm who need the help.

I just started thinking of us as more of a family or team and now we're experimenting with cues, roles, and support.

I do have confusion and resentment through family gatherings. I'm not sure that part gets easier, but we just have to learn different ways of managing it.