Helping a child part.

It's been a LONG time since I posted, but I'm struggling with something at the moment and wondering if anyone has any advice. A particular child part keeps coming out a lot the last few weeks. She seems to know where she is, what year, etc., but she still feels all the feelings of fear, depression, despair. Grounding techniques don't seem to be working because she feels confused about what's actually happening now and what is in her memory, so even if I try to bring her attention to the present, the present still feels unsafe to her. Also, she seems to trigger my husband, so when she is out he can become quite aggressive with her, which obviously doesn't help her to feel safe either. Does anyone have any advice on how to reassure this part? And how can I help my husband to understand that he needs to be gentle with younger parts, or help him to recognise that it is a child part and not just me 'acting strange'?

Hi there

I don't feel able to give any advice to you but I wanted to comment so I could bump your
Post and maybe in doing so help you get some feed back.

You seem so lost and in need of support and I hate to see this post with 0 replies.I'm sure someone can help?

My host could hemp but she's hiding from it's at the moment,when she's I will make sure knows of your post.

Do you give any special attention to your child part? Like let them have a treat, watch cartoons, warm bath, a toy, etc? The only way I know how to help them is to let them be a kid (within reason).

I don't know about what to say to your husband. Does he know you have DID? Mine didn't know for the longest time and he'd get annoyed with my child's hyperactivity and would yell at her. -.-

Maybe you should explain to him that different parts have different needs.

Good luck to you.

As for your husband, when he feels you re 'actin strange' ask him to ask who is talkin/actin at that point. It will validate her bein there, and calm her a bit too.

As for feelin unsafe in the present, that sounds normal if she carries all these feelings.
Can you create a safe outlet for these feelings she holds?
For the agression f.i. rippin up pictures (that can be ripped, like self made destructive drawings, or old magazines, old newspapers,.....) let her really get into it-

Makin drawings- fingerpaint can work- cause you feel the paint drip literally-

Keep usin groundin techniques, it s not cause they don t work now, that they may not work later on when she s used to them

Does she like certain cartoons/movies/music?

Certain colors or activities?

You can, if she does, give her some time out to do somethin she likes/enjoys and that is and feels safe, so she can experience for herself that the present time is safe too?

Selftalk is very important too, by some part or by your husband, sometimes out loud is best, cause more 'grounding'.

Validate her feelings too, that she was right to feel unsafe then, acknowledge that it s okay to feel what she feels, but that right now it s no longer necessary.

Check what she needs- safety, love, attention, - what lies beneath all that fear?
Can she talk/communicate about that?

Does she like treats? Can you surprise her with somethin that makes her feel you care about her and her feelings and you re workin towards a better balance?

I hope this is of some help if not, do ignore !

nina11

Thank you for the replies, sorry it's taken a while to respond. Things have not been good this past week or so, I expect it's the time of year. I have been trying to comfort this child part as much as I can, and things are improving. I find it difficult to let the younger parts do childlike things, partly because suppressing them is such an ingrained habit (from before I was diagnosed) and partly because I worry about my husband's reaction. He knows about the DID and he is generally supportive, but sometimes he loses patience and thinks I could 'just stop doing it' .

Nina11 wrote:Validate her feelings too, that she was right to feel unsafe then, acknowledge that it s okay to feel what she feels, but that right now it s no longer necessary.

This was really helpful, thank you. As I said, I'm so used to trying to suppress these kinds of things. Just acknowledging it helped.

One of the hardest things we are learning right now is to announce ourselves. Some of us are not comfortable with that and we are taking it slow, but it is helping our husband to recognize individual parts more easily.
We are very hard to tell apart and like you we also struggle with giving the kids space and time in the body.

Once our husband knows who is up Front or at least that the person up Front is not an adult, it is far easier for him to respond appropriately to that Part/Alter's actions and level of understanding.

A child's actions can be pretty irritating when you are under the mistaken impression that they come from an adult. And you would read their motivations quite wrongly too if you didn't have an appreciation of the fact that they are not adult. The only way around it we have identified is for your partner to get to know each of you and if you aren't easily recognized individually you will just have to help him/her by saying hi when you find yourself at the Front.

If a Part/Alter doesn't talk you could make up a sign that they could use to let your partner know that they are up Front.
As hard as it is, being honest about who is up front seems to me to be incredibly important for Parts/Alters who need to be treated as children or adolescents.

Your child probably has toys already, right? Our Mara takes great comfort in her doll. Even though the rest of the world still seems threatening to her, the doll has become a source of calm.

Hope you all feel better soon

How are you doing with this now?

Thinking of you (all)