Meeting a disturbed alter

Yesterday was the first time our caretaker met Nymeria. Keep in mind, she's very knew to the whole "they have DID thing" and everyone else she's interacted with has been covert and generally pleasant and helpful.
Nymeria ended up fronting yesterday in a foul mood and our caretaker had the misfortune of running into her. This morning our caretaker has been acting strange about us, like we're about to freak out and bite her or something and she told me this morning "we" (aka Nymeria) poured a cup of water over the cat just because she came into the room and seemed rather gleeful about it

She asked me who did that and I answered Nymeria (because she left us some of her trademark "gifts" downstairs that our caretaker thankfully didn't see.) then she asked me who I was. I told her my name and she seemed confused that I didn't say The Other's name. She's still not aware that the Other passed away and the system has been trying to protect her from that truth, among some other things.

Now we have no idea what to do. She's acting like she's scared of us and I don't know how to reassure her. It's just our luck that the first person she sees fully out is one of our most disturbed members. I don't know what to say, and she's still disturbed over what happened last night. I want to let her know it's okay, but I have no idea how to do that, especially when things aren't really okay. Has something like this happened to anyone and if so how did you deal with it? I'm feeling a bit overwhelmed by this right now. -Myra

I've had someone be freaked out by the behaviour of an alter before, and I can understand that it must be frightening to see someone you think you know behaving so out of character. BUT your caretaker knows you have DID and, presumably, has chosen to continue to support you. She needs to understand that this is what she's signed up to, this is what DID is. She might need some reassurance that Nymeria is not dangerous to her (presuming that she isn't). I also found it helped to explain a bit about who the alter is, what age she is, why she behaves that way (only as much as I was comfortable telling). But I also had to be clear that the alter was not going to change any time soon, and this person could not pick and choose which parts of the system they wanted to interact with - we come as a package. I hope you're feeling better today.

P.S. One of my alters thinks this is hilarious:

Familyof3 wrote:"we" (aka Nymeria) poured a cup of water over the cat just because she came into the room and seemed rather gleeful about it

It's the kind of thing he would do, so he's laughing his head off at it

I know exactly how you feel. While dating my now ex-girlfriend, one of my seriously disturbed alters, B, came out. The first time, I was fighting him for control, and we kept taking turns. He would scare her, hurt her, and taunt her, and I would try to be as non-violent as possible and act like I didn't know anything was happening. Eventually, he followed her downstairs where she had locked herself in the bathroom, and grabbed a knife from the kitchen drawer. He convinced her to let him in, and he pinned her to the sink and held the knife to her throat. He would've killed her, but all I remember is Katryna getting control and stopping him. That wasn't the only time, either. He's also come out during sexual encounters and tried to strangle her. I don't know what she thinks, but I know she doesn't know that I even have alters. I think she just thinks I've got some anger management issues, haha. Anyway, long story short, at least what Nymeria did isn't like that, and I hope that she doesn't have the propensity to. It should help a lot that your caretaker at least knows about your DID; no one knows about mine, so if B ever makes another appearance, I'm basically screwed. How I deal with it is not the best way; I follow Z, another alter's advice and lie my way out. But you're another story, because you don't have to. I'd suggest just trying to explain the situation to her; at least she'll appreciate your honesty, and maybe advise her to avoid Nymeria if she encounters her again? Z advises that you tell her she's not dangerous even if she is in order to better manipulate her, but Katryna disagrees. I'm sort of on Z's side, but it's up to you and whatever you believe to be the better option.

I really hope everything turns out well for you; if you could, perhaps asking Nymeria to be more cautious around your caretaker. I know that if I told B that, he'd make a point of being worse, so maybe that's not a good plan, unless you think she'd be understanding. Or, let me appeal to a side of her that I use when manipulat--I mean, convincing--Z; she's far more likely to be caught by your caretaker if she's so blatant about her antics that your caretaker is watching out for this, so she should take care to hide her activities more. It'll be easier for her to have fun that way, and will be better in the long-run. Good luck!