Intimacy issues with DID partner (Trigger Warning)

Hi everyone. My fiancee and I, up until recently, have had an amazing sex life. I won't go into details, but overall it was fantastic. In the last couple weeks however, things just sort of... stopped altogether. I think it started when a new alter came out, one who seemed to be a manifestation of her sexual abuse. After that, my fiancee would be triggered as soon as I would touch her in any intimate way at all. this has been like this for about 3 weeks, and then earlier this week, she has been trying to condense some of her alters to keep things organized. I thought this might make her triggers less frequent, but she feels a little more distant now, as well as being tired all the time. I'm not ever going to leave her, no matter how bad things may get, I love her so so so very much, and I do know she feels the same way about me. I just want things to be like they were before, and I don't know if that will ever happen again.

Great, now I'm crying...

I don't know what to do.

It's only been 3 weeks. We've had this stuff for almost 2 years before it slowly got back to normal.
Sex really isn't that important in a relationship imho. It's really great that you're so devoted to them and your relationship.

I think you may need to step back a little bit and see this from an outside perspective. 3 weeks is an absolutely normal frame of time for a sex life to be even completely lacking in a healthy, normal, adult relationship. There is absolutely nothing abnormal with this and could happen to anyone. Couple this with the fact that there are parts of her that have been through trauma, I wouldn't worry. Try to make them comfortable about non sexual intimacy (sitting next to each other, holding hands, giving hugs) if they want that and try to just see how things work out.

Many on here have huge struggles sexually due to their abuse that lasts for years. There is no reason to believe that this is the case after only 3 weeks.

I find it a little peculiar that you'd bring up the topic of "not leaving her" at all. Is there any reason why you would think people reading this would jump to that conclusion based on short standing ptsd issues?

Sex really isn't that important in a relationship imho

I agree. Sex can be a wonderful thing but not if one or both (or any number really of) partners involved are not comfortable with it.

Please remember to write out the entirety of the words "TRIGGER WARNING" as not everyone here knows that TW stands for and may be triggered by the post.

lifelongthing wrote:I think you may need to step back a little bit and see this from an outside perspective. 3 weeks is an absolutely normal frame of time for a sex life to be even completely lacking in a healthy, normal, adult relationship. There is absolutely nothing abnormal with this and could happen to anyone. Couple this with the fact that there are parts of her that have been through trauma, I wouldn't worry. Try to make them comfortable about non sexual intimacy (sitting next to each other, holding hands, giving hugs) if they want that and try to just see how things work out.

Many on here have huge struggles sexually due to their abuse that lasts for years. There is no reason to believe that this is the case after only 3 weeks.

I find it a little peculiar that you'd bring up the topic of "not leaving her" at all. Is there any reason why you would think people reading this would jump to that conclusion based on short standing ptsd issues?

Sex really isn't that important in a relationship imho

I agree. Sex can be a wonderful thing but not if one or both (or any number really of) partners involved are not comfortable with it.

Please remember to write out the entirety of the words "TRIGGER WARNING" as not everyone here knows that TW stands for and may be triggered by the post.

I brought up the not leaving her thing because she's been constantly afraid that I'm going to leave her because, in her words, "she can't give me what I want", and that I'll abandon her over that.

I know 3 weeks is nothing for some people, but we're both 20 years old, with hormones out of control. Trust me, if there was some way to silence my sex drive, I would do it. It just concerns me because this is just so very sudden, like a switch went off, which I realize is an awful simile.