Betrayal to my selves *triggery rant*

I shut everyone away. I shut myself away. I suppressed them without meaning, the walls are straining, keeping them back for no reason. The pressure is building, walls coming closer, bending inwards.

I hear the music playing through my mind:
I dig my hoe, you build a wall...
I dig my hoe, you build a wall...
Some day that wall is gonna fall...

A very calm song, I want the walls to fall. The walls are so tall. No room, it's dark, it's quiet save the beat of my heart.

I hate myself, why did this happen , i didn't want this. I didn't want to shut them out, now I have inadvertently punished myself.

I deserve it, to be shut away, to be sealed up, to be... exiled.

They still try to break the walls down, what do they want, to save me, to scorn me, to punish me? I can't tell. The walls are cracked. Nothing can get through...

It won't do any good, what happens after the Fall, the walls will be rebuilt without me trying, or wanting, but will be built because I made these walls.

I don't want these walls, these walls, these walls, they'll all come tumbling down to crush me.

No hope, no power, nothing.
Alone, in a box of my own design, punished, for doing without action, attempt, or will.
I betrayed everyone. And I've got nowhere to run.

Safe hugs if wanted

Grace, thank you so much, I could really use a hug