no names for all the different parts, is it ok?

I do not like the idea of every part having a name. I'm not comfortable with that for whatever reason. I'm referring to them by their ages or their jobs. There's some inner conflict about it. The more compliant parts are okay with this but there's at least one that's been apparently rather demanding about having a name, or keeping the name it has.

I find it terrifying to consider different names for different pieces of me. My gatekeeper('s assistant?) told me she is nameless because I want it that way.

So what do I do about the part or parts that refuse to accept my preferences? I tried to find out why but my mind decided I'd done enough of that kind of work for one day, so no answers.

Hm this sounds like you may have to comprimise a lot with this on.

All my parts were very well developed so I was told there names by them or an admin.
Maybe you should distiguish who has names already and who doesn't.

Ripping away that right can be hard on an alter.
Imagine if the government said.
your name is
occupation age.
(e.g ITmanager sectorD 27
Instead of James Henderson)

So keep that perspective in mind .

If they have a name let them keep it.
If others don't give them the options.

spanky_spee wrote:Hm this sounds like you may have to comprimise a lot with this on.

Yeah maybe so.

Any advice for how to get over the terror related to different pieces of me having different names? I suspect it's gone on much longer before I stopped sleeping at the wheel, and it's a lot to process. I don't feel like I'm an integrated person if my inner self has a bunch of names and that's scary

Hello. It's been a long time since I've posted here, and while I don't totally have any advice, I will say that I understand where you are coming from.

Names were known to me in the beginning. However, I slowly became uncomfortable with the idea of names. Perhaps because one of my insiders was very, very dangerous, and she thought up the genius idea to use my name. I don't really want to elaborate too much on that though.

Because it became increasingly uncomfortable to use names, I just stopped. (I still have a huge problem being able to talk to my therapist) But when I did talk to her, I wouldn't use names, or even pronouns. I would skip that altogether and just say, "I was thinking of that, but then "it" was thought that I was wrong."

I'm not even sure why it bothered me so much. But, like you, it solidified the "separateness" and that just scared me.

LastStatement wrote:I'm not even sure why it bothered me so much. But, like you, it solidified the "separateness" and that just scared me.

Thank you so much - you came back to reply to this thread. I'm honored and humbled. Thank you for the support - it helps to know I'm not alone.

I just can't handle the loss of control I feel at the idea of different parts having their own names. It's all "me" just fragments and fractured aspects of me. I rarely go by my own name anyway. I understand why there would potentially be resistance but my goal is for all of us to integrate the way personality develops without trauma. Apparently there's a bit in there that finds that idea "life-threatening." But the alternative of acknowledging how fractured all those parts feel is really scary. What a dilemma. Thanks for your post

But the alternative of acknowledging how fractured all those parts feel is really scary. What a dilemma

I would say you probably need to focus more on this and less on how to not use names. If people in your system sincerely want or already have a name that is their needs and they deserve to have their needs met if and when it is appropriate. Names might not be appropriate for your system but that, ideally, would be a joint decision. In our group some had names since they were made, some got one later on, some didn't have one and some do not want one. Some of their names are significant and meaningful to them and stripping that away because I am uncomfortable got me nowhere (I have tried in the past due to shame and fear). Acknowledging how fractured you are is a huge thing and can take a lot of time. Please be gentle with yourself and take your time. I wish you the best in healing

Hi doglover888. This sounds like an aspect of your denial. Denying them their own names is one way you are trying to deny your DID.

My system has always been very covert, so as far as I know all parts who come out use the same name. (I cannot say they use my name, because in fact I often feel it is not my name. It is just a name other people use to refer to me.) But then Alter 2 chose a name for himself. I am sure he would not stand for it if I tried to deny him his own chosen name. And I find I like that he has a name, and it fits him too.

One of our fragments didn't have a name so agreed to let her be nameless until she either chose a name. We just referred to her as the age she seemed to be. Then one of the others got tired of waiting and gave her a name because she thought it would make things easier and boy did that not go over well. It turned out her age was her name and she did not want it changed at all. In fact she still refers to that other name as Name-not-ever-in-a-million-years-that. So while no one meant any harm in trying to change her, her name was and is very important to her.

Similarly, I have a part that will not let me same her name in public. She just refuses. It scares her a lot. For a long time I couldn't even say her age. At first I didn't respect that and she would come on after I would post and then she would edit posts or she change my log in passwords, and I think she might the reason why I can no longer get into my first account here. The point in telling you this is that you have to give them respect. It's not fair to expect anyone else within yourself (or without) to give you respect if you can't respect them. I now refer to this part by the first letter of her name and she's loosened up about me talking about her age. Respecting each other has allowed us to grow closer as a group.

Like the others have said, it's all about compromise and respect.

Hello again, doglover. I had a session with my T today, and we talked about my issue with the names. Then she came up with a brilliant suggestion. (I don't know if it will work for you, but maybe it will, or some kind of variation.)

She knows how strong my love is for animals, so she thought instead of using people names (I have huge problems with people), that we could instead come up with animals for them. We could work together and decide which animal they best personify, and refer to them as that animal. (Or something similar, like, one has chosen "Hellhound" But has agreed to possibly go by "Hound" instead.) And with one of the littles, "Lamb" was chosen.)

If animals aren't special to you, you could maybe choose something that identifies them. Such as a trait, maybe? And I'm hoping that after I get used to referring to them as separate from myself, I will be able to go to actual names. (Unless they want to keep their animal ones, of course.)

I don't know how much help this will be, but I thought I'd put it out there.

I am scared shitless of names, but imagine what it must feel like when you can't even use yours internally..
or are we talking in interaction in the real world?
Because that's a crunch point for us and I am holding my position: Externally we all go by Teatime. Internally, well. It's nice to be called by your name. I bet if you called your hairdresser "hairdresser" and your colleagues by their job title etc. some of them would be pretty pissed too.


Mara got particularly upset about me (mal) signing myself in emails and stuff. It really scared her. But you can't imagine just how pleasant it is when you can sign yourself (at least in certain situations where this doesn't draw unwanted attention). So I get that there are boundaries for names and that every system has their own, different agreement regarding this they play by. I think it is a very personal matter.
For our Mara a big part of her discomfort regarding use of internal names is not just keeping us apparently uniform to the outside world but also she slinks back into denial sometimes. It's still an odd thought for her that she is not alone in here and names really ride the state of affairs home.

Names. It's not something you'll get comfortable with overnight but I think you may just need to allow those that feel strongly about it to wear their names in situations where this is not detrimental to the system as a whole.


Okay. So it's still uncomfortable because I(mara) am usually co-con and I can watch "myself" give the other part's name. Also they can feel me push back, move their hand, as I go into panic mode over what I know they're about to do.
The only way past this is to learn to trust each other. Ha. I know, it's hard but that's the long game.
In the short term luckily everybody in here knows just how afraid I am of this. So they'll push me in the right direction a little but they won't take it so far I go into all out panic mode. Working together isn't easy, but compromises have to be found and as for me I understand intellectually that it is ok for the guys to use their names in some situtations. So I am working on my fears regarding this and luckily they are very patient with me.

Also, I go by Mara internally. Usin a name that's just mine rather than "the whole" was important because it means that while we all answer to the body's name it is nobody's in particular. That's working well for us but I understand it isn't exactly the norm not to have somebody in here who claims the body's name. I think this choice is working well for us, as it rides home that nobody has superior claims to our life but that instead we need to work together and share.

Best of luck
the Teatimers