Therapy Questions

I'm very early on in therapy. I know about the 'three-stage' model for treating DID, and that the first stage is supposed to be 'safety and stabilisation' (or something), but what does that look like? It seems to be very difficult to get a T to be concrete about what treatment will entail, practically all of them seem to work along the lines of, 'Tell me about how that feels for you,' and sit and listen and won't answer any concrete questions about 'What are we doing here? How is this helping me?' So, is there anyone out there who is receiving effective treatment in therapy? And if so, what does that look like? What is it that's helping you most? I know research suggests that it's not the T's approach so much as the relationship between T and client that has the most effect. Has that been your experience? And if it is, how did you break through other parts' fear and distrust to create a good working relationship? I am sick of the cycle of starting and quitting therapy. I want this to work, but I feel a bit adrift with it all. Any thoughts gratefully received

Hm. It sounds like you are wanting basic psychoeducation, and you therapist is not supplying that.

One reason for a therapist to be reluctant is that teaching the client all about a condition and how it is treated can burn up all the client's session time and then some. Is that the best use of your precious and expensive time in therapy? There so many books and other materials available now that you can use to get that information all by yourself. So perhaps just ask your therapist to recommend what to read.

Another reason for a therapist to be reluctant is that the client may be upset by too much information (TMI). You may be one of those clients who needs to have a lot of information; I am one myself. But at first the therapist does not know that about us.

By the way, three stage treatment is for all trauma, not just DID.

I can't help answer this but I am in the same boat (so to say)... I have a lot of questions about therapy because right now I am seeing a therapist strictly for depression/anxiety issues but she is trying to find me someone who specializes in working with patients with D.I.D. we haven't found anyone yet but I am scared about what it's all going to be like once I finally start this... I've done a little research but really none of my questions have been answered that way.... I want to know what is the goal of therapy for D.I.D.... is it always integration? or is it learning to cope as a system and get a long with eachother and function well and all that? is it becoming co-concious? I just have a lot of questions about it so I am looking forward to reading peoples responces on here as well....

Owleyes wrote: I know about the 'three-stage' model for treating DID, and that the first stage is supposed to be 'safety and stabilisation' (or something), but what does that look like

I used to try and ask therapists that when I was enquiring whether I thought they were sufficiently knowledgable enough with trauma to be able to help me effectively. I never really got a straight answer but I can tell you from experience, as I now have a therapist who sort of did that all anyway, without me even asking, that it focuses on helping you build inner resources and find outer resources to get you through day to day. Grounding techniques. Finding an outlet to put things so that they don't bog you down through the week. Making sure you have only good and stable relationships around you and working on making sure you stay safe in the community. And all the while building up a relationship with the therapist themselves; getting to know them a little bit (if they are willing to do that) and allowing any part who wants to to speak to them.

It is a phase that isn't just ticked and moved on from. You will refer back to that phase every now and again. When we have had a very triggering therapy session usually the next one is kept gentle and calm so as to find that safety and stabilisation again.

Owleyes wrote:It seems to be very difficult to get a T to be concrete about what treatment will entail, practically all of them seem to work along the lines of, 'Tell me about how that feels for you,' and sit and listen and won't answer any concrete questions about 'What are we doing here? How is this helping me?'

My therapist isn't like that. She is very forthcoming with what work we are doing together, why we are there, how she can help us and how she can't. She is extremely open and honest but I am lucky to have someone like that. It took a long time to find such a person. I don't work well with free association and no feedback/prompting. I, as the host, am far too empty to be able to just talk and talk and talk. A heavily psychoanalytical approach just doesn't work for me.

Owleyes wrote: So, is there anyone out there who is receiving effective treatment in therapy? And if so, what does that look like? What is it that's helping you most? I know research suggests that it's not the T's approach so much as the relationship between T and client that has the most effect. Has that been your experience? And if it is, how did you break through other parts' fear and distrust to create a good working relationship?

Yes I am receiving effective treatment. It is more about the working relationship than I care to admit. My main problem present day isn't really the past traumas so much as the extreme fear of people and attachment issues. So the r'ship between therapist and I is invaluable. It just takes some time for other parts to see that the therapist is safe. They watch when I am in therapy and they come out and open up in their own time. They are all judging the therapist along with me and so far it has all been a pleasant ride. Our therapist is just so gentle, so giving, so patient, so validating. It is becoming to be our first ever secure attachment. It is the experiencing of a secure attachment that is going to be the most significant part of our healing.

If you find yourself starting and stopping therapy maybe you just haven't met the right therapist or other parts within you are not happy with the therapist for whatever reason. It can be hard to find the one who is as close to perfect as you can get for you. But also be alert to the fact you may have a sabotaging part within you who pulls you away from every single threat of attachment. It is a good idea to discuss this possibility with the therapist themselves so they can try and keep an eye out for it. Good luck Owleyes.

crazy3 wrote:I want to know what is the goal of therapy for D.I.D.... is it always integration? or is it learning to cope as a system and get a long with eachother and function well and all that? is it becoming co-concious?

No. The goal of therapy isn't always integration. IT can be. But it can also be a focus on good communication and good co-operation with your others and therefore an ability to lead a functioning life. Becoming co-conscious is a huge step towards that. Some people decide they want to stay multiple. Some people find that integration just happens naturally without their conscious effort. I don't have the goal of integration. I have the goal of us working together to lead a functioning life. But for me that entails a lot of work on phobias and other problems as well as the trauma and DID issues.

-B

The relationship with the therapist is key. I think the first step is getting to know each other and introducing parts to the therapist. I'm not sure what the 2nd step is. It doesn't really matter to me though. At one point my T said I was moving along so fast and then I stopped. It happened because I stopped trusting her. Actually, a younger part that doesn't trust adults comes to sessions and just seems to sit there. It's like she is begging for trust, but not able to get it. Not the therpaist's fault.
Each part has to get to know the therapist - they don't need to be fronting to do this, as many parts listen in on my sessions. Actually, parts introject one liners often. It makes it interesting!

I think you need to stick it out. if you found a T that knows about DID, that's a plus! Read a few books on DID - some informative ones. There are a few I wish I hadn't read. Even with all that, I still struggle with denial and wanting to runa away from therapy - but that is conflict between parts. I'm working on resolving those. I think patience and a day by day approach is neccesary. I make myself go to therpay even if the part that is fronting doesn't want to go. In the end it helps for the T to see that part and talk to her/him.

bourbon wrote:If you find yourself starting and stopping therapy maybe you just haven't met the right therapist or other parts within you are not happy with the therapist for whatever reason. It can be hard to find the one who is as close to perfect as you can get for you. But also be alert to the fact you may have a sabotaging part within you who pulls you away from every single threat of attachment.

This is the heart of the problem. And I honestly can't tell which it is. There's a part who 'sabotages' all my relationships out of extreme fear of getting too close. Then again, maybe the T isn't right for me. How do I tell which it is? I don't know how therapy's supposed to go, so maybe it's going fine, maybe it isn't. It feels as though I'm looking for any excuse not to trust the T, and to pull away and say it's not right for me, but at the same time, maybe it really isn't right for me. How do I tell? I just don't feel like I can trust my judgement, or even make a judgement. My opinion of it all changes depending who is up front.

You will be ready when you are ready. There is no "making" another part trust another person. Be firm but gentle with yourself.