It hurts *trigger warning*

(Note: I'm sorry if I posted this in the wrong forum, but I didn't find any that I thought would fit... and since I'm here for dissociative matters I figured I'd post it here, although this doesn't have anything to do with dissociative issues. Again, I'm sorry if I posted this wrong.)

I miss her. My chest aches. We hugged today, it's been 21 days since we last saw each other. I've been trying to ignore the feelings because if I didn't I wouldn't be able to make it with school and everything.

I feel like c*tting myself. I haven't done so in a very long time. I'm not going to, but I just feel like I'd like to, just to get the hurting feeling away from my heart. I miss her and she said she'd come visit soon again, but when she hugged my everything that I've been trying to ignore came back. It's as if it's the day she left, it feels the same. I'm falling apart.

Don't worry, I won't c*t, I just needed to write it down somewhere. I want to get it out. The ache, it hurts. I hate missing. I don't want to think about it, about that she's really leaving, but I guess I'll have to deal with it sooner or later. It just hurts. I can't live with aching right now, I have to focus on school. It's been a lot in school lately and in a way I think it has saved me. I hate when I have to shut down emotionally when all I want to do is cry.

It sounds like you are going through a lot right now.

I understand you have to focus right now but if it wouldn't hurt more maybe we could talk through PMs about what happened?

I am sure that posting this here is fine, so don't worry about that especially since you put a trigger warning.

Sending hugs if wanted

WolfAkari wrote:It sounds like you are going through a lot right now.

I understand you have to focus right now but if it wouldn't hurt more maybe we could talk through PMs about what happened?

I am sure that posting this here is fine, so don't worry about that especially since you put a trigger warning.

Sending hugs if wanted

Thank you! I'll PM you when I have time, thanks for letting me.

Missing someone is very painful. We find that really hard as well. I don't think I fully understand your situation (don't know if I'm just not reading it properly) but in the last couple of weeks my T has been away. Usually we speak to her every day so this is a massive thing and we have been missing her loads. We have had to look inside ourselves though to find bits of her within us. That has been very holding. If you have known someone for a few years or so then you will find that a sense of them has been taken in so they never really go away completely, not really. We have only known our T for a year though so we have a little way to go yet.

I'm sorry you are hurting so much but good on you for resisting the cutting. I find that just makes me feel more guilty which adds on top of the plethora of emotions I already am struggling with.

-B

bourbon wrote:Missing someone is very painful. We find that really hard as well. I don't think I fully understand your situation (don't know if I'm just not reading it properly) but in the last couple of weeks my T has been away. Usually we speak to her every day so this is a massive thing and we have been missing her loads. We have had to look inside ourselves though to find bits of her within us. That has been very holding. If you have known someone for a few years or so then you will find that a sense of them has been taken in so they never really go away completely, not really. We have only known our T for a year though so we have a little way to go yet.

I'm sorry you are hurting so much but good on you for resisting the cutting. I find that just makes me feel more guilty which adds on top of the plethora of emotions I already am struggling with.

-B

I'm sorry to hear about your T, hope she'll be back soon. I haven't thought of having someone within ourselves, as you describe it. I think that could be true though, maybe if I look I'll find some pieces of the one I'm missing. I think I've known her for about three years or so, so that's quite a long time.

i know how you feel, i miss my old T too. i dont even talk to her anymore, although ive tried. but its ok. grieve adn be sad, being sad and missing someone is ok.

were here for you i rely mis lisa. she won talk no omore but i mis her

~jackilyn and ? eliza

FaithinWrongthings wrote:i know how you feel, i miss my old T too. i dont even talk to her anymore, although ive tried. but its ok. grieve adn be sad, being sad and missing someone is ok.

were here for you i rely mis lisa. she won talk no omore but i mis her

~jackilyn and ? eliza

Mom says that too, that it's okay to miss someone and to be sad. Before we weren't allowed to be sad and that was hard... Thank you.

your welcome.

i know how you feel about not being allowed to be sad.......



btw, dont c*t. indulge in a better way. youve made it so far and are so strong, and dont sdo it ok? YOU ARE A SOLDIER FIGHT FIGHT FIGHT!!!!! someone had told me to maybe use a rubber band, or do positive things like papmper yourself or cudle with an animal instead of indulging in c
*tting. hope that helped

~jackilyn

FaithinWrongthings wrote:your welcome.

i know how you feel about not being allowed to be sad.......



btw, dont c*t. indulge in a better way. youve made it so far and are so strong, and dont sdo it ok? YOU ARE A SOLDIER FIGHT FIGHT FIGHT!!!!! someone had told me to maybe use a rubber band, or do positive things like papmper yourself or cudle with an animal instead of indulging in c
*tting. hope that helped

~jackilyn

Thank you Jackilyn.