I Told Her

I hope your meeting with the dissociative specialist went well, AdamMZ

@chococat159
I'm sorry for what happened to you. *sigh* I wish I have a good therapist.

@lifelongthing
Yeah, well, I wanna put an update here.

I haven't post something for some time now and I haven't talk to my friend in this forum, I don't know her username because it's long but it's Aria. I haven't post something because something like... makes me changed my mind and change the way I think about DID.

I met the expert. But she has a lot of people who want to meet her. So, after all that, I got to meet her. But it was pretty late and she had no time talking to me. So she gave me some meds, Olanzapine 5mg. And I was a little disappointed even though I will meet her next week (I think).

*trigger warning here - religion*

After I met the expert, after a few days, my parents sent me to... a... "guy" (too hard to say about this) to cure me by doing this religious stuff. After that, he gave my some advice. And this made me change the way I think about DID. He said those voices are actually came from Jinns or genies. And the more I think of it, the more I think that DID is... fake. I mean, in my religion, every people, even the prophets, have this twin. Like the bad version of that person. So, I think that bad version of me makes those voices. So yeah.

I want to forget the voices. I want to ignore them. I just want to be like me, like normal people. So yeah, I think I don't have DID. But the voices might still here. I just want them gone. Well, not like gone but I mean... you guys know integration. I just want them to integrate with me so I won't listen to them. Their voices are not loud actually. But sometimes, they can be loud.

*end of trigger warning*

So basically, I start to ignore my alters. I think it was just me.

AdamMZ wrote: [...]
DID is... fake. I mean, in my religion, every people, even the prophets, have this twin. Like the bad version of that person. So, I think that bad version of me makes those voices. So yeah.

[...]
I just want them to integrate with me so I won't listen to them. Their voices are not loud actually. But sometimes, they can be loud.

[...]

So basically, I start to ignore my alters. I think it was just me.

This kind of thing is why I don't trust religious groups anymore...
'Twin'= excuse for bad behavior (btw why would this evil 'twin' would go this far? and imitate either schizo or did so well?)

If you ignore them, how will they integrate?

Just some thoughts...

AdamMZ wrote: want to forget the voices. I want to ignore them. I just want to be like me, like normal people.

Sometimes I used to think that I can even remeber my old host crieing why can't I just be normal. Later on we learnt it's not worth holding onto it'll only eat you inside out.
But now the way I see it. I went through highschool got a job my life is pretty normal actually sometimes boring. but the others bring a spice and make my life easier and harder in different ways.

AdamMZ wrote:So basically, I start to ignore my alters.

This is not going to help.
Tried it didn't work.
If anything I lost more and more time.
My alters held hostility towards me.
I caused unneeded pain on my alters and myself.

It's been days I tried ignoring them and I... don't hear them. But not anymore. I'm not sure if I will hear them when I'm in denial or not. But when I think about it, maybe I will hear them when I'm in denial. Maybe I will hear Racheal. I wanna meet the expert again. And actually, I'll meet her next day.

I'm confuse now. I feel like Racheal is trying to say something. But it's so hard to hear.

-- Tue Jun 18, 2013 2:43 pm --

Posted a topic about this: dissociative-identity/topic116238.html

In time of deep denial I had trouble hearing others. but would happen in spurts like I couldn't disconnect any longer and when they did come through I would forget about the event that just happened. but no matter what I did everyonce and awhile they would faintly come through.

safe hugs if wanted.

Safe hug accepted.
You know, you could post that in my other post. But I post that just to get some attention. Hehe

I don't talk about my 'family' with the family. My mother flat out told me that she doesn't want to hear it, so I don't press the issue at all. Besides, if I do that will just get the others upset, especially the children.

Your T should've accepted your wishes and not told your mother unless you were ready. That's irresponsible in my opinion.

It's been days I tried ignoring them and I... don't hear them.

Can you willfully ignore your parts? Don't they just come when they feel like they need to?

Yeah, they come back. They are here already. This kind of stuff is not a problem anymore. Now, it's about the meds that our psychiatrist gave us. Those meds are good for us, especially Mystery and Nurul. The meds will make the emotions more stable, and that will make Mystery calm down. That also makes us easy to understand his feelings and gather more information about him. We googled about the meds and we found that it is also a treatment for social anxiety disorder. Nurul is a shy alter. If that meds can make her less shy, we're able to say something. Like for example (I feel like I'm Knowledge), we can talk to the school counselor and not write what we want to talk.

I am sorry she acted that way! I am afraid if I told anyone they would all act that way. I really don't want anyone to know anyway because then I would have to explain how I got this way and I just can't handle that. Will me our little secret for the rest of our life! <3