Emotional Stuff Over a Friend *Trigger Warning*

Heyas all,

Ill start off by saying im very very sensitive, emotional and empathic, also if I say anything to offend im sorry its not my intention.
I read deeply into things and I tend to get quite caught up in my emotions a lot of the time.

This may get a bit long but I tend to ramble a lot but I am honestly hoping someone can help me ease my fears or something with what happened to a friend of mine a while back as it still haunts me and has left me very touchy on this subject.

Okies, well a few months ago now I met a friend online who had two personalities one female and one male. They were both lovely to me and what they attempted made me very conflicted and sad. See the male personality wanted the female to take over permenantly from him. The male was the original personality so you know, but I loved them both so much.

I just couldnt see how anyone would want that, he kept telling me he liked her being out and well she was lovely to me and really handled my emotional problems well. Still what they did really affected me, like I couldnt sleep, I couldnt eat, I couldnt do anything other than sleep as thats all I wanted to do. I couldnt stand the world and I just needed escape from my friend and life. Somehow I got through it though, mainly due to me seeing a hypnotherapist which helped a little but my friend comforted me which helped too.

I even started crying some days and posted my heart ache to my friend as I wanted them to know how I felt, I was so conflicted at the time I loved them both and I didnt want to see one of them never come out again. When one was out the other was asleep or so they put it. I felt like one of them was dying basically so I was in so much grief it crippled me and left me an emotional train wreck for months.

I am still very touchy about what they did to the point I have waves of fear and emotion wash over me when I think about it. So you know they are happier now and the male is more out but the female is also there which im grateful for

I guess im hoping someone can help me understand or ease my fears over what they did as it really affects me still some days. I feel like im walking a tightrope and the slightest slip will send me into a spiral of depression again. I just dont understand how he could want not being in control as isnt it like not living?
I guess I liked them sharing, I just had an issue with one being out all the time.

I hope my ramblings make some form of sense

Thankies for reading

Danny

Hi....I appreciate how careful you are being of your own feelings by letting us know that you can be sensitive and such! So i will try to be careful not to offend either

I wonder if would be helpful (since this happened in the past) if you could maybe do an exercise where you write down ( or think about ) what you would have liked to be more, different, or better.... Identifying what might have helped you cope with your friends' choice might bring some relief just on its own. it sounds like you did this in part when you posted and let them know "this really made me scare of this....." but take it a step further and think about what might have been helpful . . .whether it is something they could have done or said differently, or just knowing then what you know now

I hear you saying that the scary part was feeling you might never see one again..but you can challenge that old thought with your new truth which is that you've seen BOTH out since then.

As far as how overwhelming it can feel...do you think it is triggering you from something else? Someone you have lost or felt abandoned by? Please don't spend too much time trying to analyze that unless you feel safe to do so (or maybe talk it out with a counselor, friend, or us...) but it seems to me when something I 'shouldn't still be grieving this much over' happens...it's really very multi-layered...with some of the issue having NOTHING to do with the original trigger....

I hope this helps! have a good weekend!

Heyas, thanks for your reply
Yeh I guess I said it because its funny what can make me go all emotional again.
Like a few months ago I was so different day to day, I don't pretend to understand what DID is actually like but when I was like this I felt sort of like different people a lot of the time. Some days I was bubbly giddy and happy to see my friend, others I was so depressed I couldnt function and I didnt want to do anything. Some days I was just my average self just a little on edge all the time. Certain things triggered me to get all depressed again and I seemed to go from depressed to giddy in 10 seconds flat some days. Really a strange time for me. Thankfully im less depressed now, im usually mellow but I do have odd days where im giddy for no apparent reason which I do like

Its funny you mention that about writing it down, recently I have started writing stories about a more sharing and loving aspect of what my friend did. I also wrote about what my friend did so I could try and see it from their perspective both things helped somewhat and ive now found a new hobby. I seem to pick up a new one every week funny how ive changed so much from last year.

Yeh, I guess they are both there and I should hold onto that. Its just my head is weird, I dont just think about what has happened. I think about what can happen too, I seem to get overwhelmed when I think of all the possibilities and get emotional about stuff that as not happened. I do think too much, ive learned to be more mellow through all this thankfully and now I dont over think as much which is nice.

I don't know what is triggering it if anything, I form quite strong emotional connections to people even people I dont know as weird as it sounds. I care a lot really, and I didnt want to loose them. Like for example when I develop one of these connections and I lose it, its like loosing a limb its painful and hurts so much.
I found I have a lot of emotional issues with my hypnotherapy most are now sorted Just I still have very strong ones and they are hard to forget but I guess thats life.
Maybe its all the horror movies I watched as a kid or some crazy sci fi show I saw, any could be triggers as when I watch something its like im a part of it I get so pulled into the story and feel for the characters. But there may be something underlying thing from my childhood as you said I just dont know really.

Thanks again for your reply

Danny, my impression from all that you have described is that your friend with DID is reasonably healthy and doing exactly the therapeutic work he needs to do. Integration (fusion) of alters is a profound life change that, like any change, can be seen from several radically different points of view. Any fusion is both an ending and a beginning. You are imagining only the ending aspect and are distraught over your own thoughts, your own fear of abandonment, your own potential loss. You are not imagining the beginning, the beautiful new life for your friend.

Do you know what personal boundaries are? From what you have described about yourself in this thread, your personal boundaries are exceptionally flimsy. One direct result for you is emotional dysregulation, as you take on other people's pain in addition to your own. This is called emotional contagion. Life must be very painful for you, and exhausting. There are many good self-help books in print now about developing healthier boundaries. See for example books by Cloud and Townsend, Anne Katherine, Pia Mellody (Intimacy Factor). There are also numerous group therapy programs that can help you.

Heyas,

Thank you for your reply

I guess I saw the ending aspect a lot more than any other, it seemed less like integration to me more one over the other. Like one was out and the other was not, maybe I think of things too logically. I guess I saw it from the point of their loved one's too, they were loosing someone they cared about to this new person, I just never understood why they would do that to them. I know both personalities are parts of the same person and at their core they both still loved me I guess I just didnt handle it well. They both said some really nice things to me which honestly helped me with what they wanted. I spoke at lengths to my mum and my hypnotherapist and anyone who would listen really, they didnt see it how I saw it in fact most people ive talked to never saw it as one of them was dying. They saw it as they would be different and happier for it as its what they wanted. Thinking about it now my friend said it was more a metamorphesis like a butterfly.

I guess I was just wondering how other people saw what my friend did, because I still dont understand the reason behind wanting that. Is it really so good having another part out all the time? I want escape a lot of the time especially when im emotional, im not suicidal or anything just really depressed. I can understand the need for wanting another part to take over, I would love to escape this crazy world sometimes but permenantly...

Yeh you could say that, im insanely sensitive to the point a month or so ago my boss who is also my friend broke up with his fiance, I met her she was really nice. He was talking about it in the office and he was fine about it and all I felt was sadness, I felt so sad for both of them o.0
Another one was my best friend and his fiance broke up too and I was honestly really upset it really shocked me. I dont deal well with shock I guess or negative feelings.
On the other hand when im happy im like at the complete oposite end of the spectrum, im like hyper sometimes its amazing. Ive learned to take the good with the bad now, yeh it can be really hard. The world for me is a really busy place and I dont like crowds I get stressed a lot. My idea of relaxation is solitude and chilling in my room some days as it gets me away from the world.
It can be exhausting, atm im not too bad, I still have emotionaly draining days and need to get away but im far better than I was. I no longer feel like an emotional train wreck I did a few months ago and I can actually focus again.

I guess ive come to accept its a part of me, ive always been like this as long as I can remember. My friend sort of just sent me over the edge, its never been that bad before really. But my hypnotherapy helped me im a lot more balanced a lot of the time, im just a lot more careful about what I read or watch or when I open up to people.

Sorry if my posts are like essays I sort of explode my brain on the page lol. Never used to write all that much now I cant stop talking xD

Thanks for your reply and your advice