things are confusing

So Indie and Linda, two demon children, have their adult selves Efeze and Tamara to take care of them.

This is a good thing, it brings peace, but it s weird too cause I can t see or talk to any of them.
I can t help but feel excluded in my own head!

Then there s a new alter at the horizon. He s huge and he smells like danger.
I m glad he or she is at distance.

I m still recovering from the past rough weeks / months.

I'm glad they're being taken care of. As for the big alter, maybe it's not so bad.

Nina11 wrote:I m still recovering from the past rough weeks / months.

Hi Nina, sorry to hear it's been rough for sooo long we know how hard that is

Nina11 wrote:So Indie and Linda, two demon children, have their adult selves Efeze and Tamara to take care of them.

This is a good thing, it brings peace, but it s weird too cause I can t see or talk to any of them.
I can t help but feel excluded in my own head!

We can VERY much relate to this, we often find when new fragments (we see ourselves as fragments rather than alters now) come up/out, if they are related to anuther already up part, the two of them will get together and then disappear for a while. While away we can't hear/feel/see them, they go off into their own secret place, probably for a chat in private....
Anyway in our experience this is fine, they come back when ready. Just give them time.

Nina11 wrote:Then there s a new alter at the horizon. He s huge and he smells like danger.
I m glad he or she is at distance.

In my opinion this new alter is related to all the other new D's, almost like a new layer, maybe indie and the others are hiding in/behind this new alter, while they sort themselves out and maybe they are giving off the danger vibe because they want to be left alone.... they could also be scared, maybe of how they will be received by the rest of the system, parts often come over aggressively to us, then when we talk to them they are scared under neath.

we noticed on anuther post (journalgirls i think) that you have been aware of your DID for about a year? It seems likely (to us ) that there could be more layers that are not yet discovered....

we also think new parts generally come out for us when either very triggery, though then we don't know who they are or when calmer and people feel ready to come out. maybe your system just feels strong enough to take the next step? So more alters are coming out now.

We think you have made loadsa progress in a year!! U've learned a lot about this and have been very supportive to others, seems to me that you are making great progress with understanding your system.

Not sure if Indie and the other D's can hear, but ours are making their presence known and saying: hi. (ruby say hi to Indie)



Thinking of you all, sending (((hugs))) to those that want.

blu

Thanks Hornet and Blu-Web

Indeed, a lot is changing, I hope it is progress.

They do have their secrets - I suppose I have to wait.

I have found out that I have another 20 demon children
I ve hidden them behind a glass wall, and they just sit and stare.
I don t know how to begin to deal with them.

As for the big alter at the horizon, he or she keeps distance what I can only be happy about.
I hope it s not dangerous.

Apart from that I m dealin with a reoccurin abusive alter. Advice of the T: let this abusive alter take care of those demon children?
Excuse me? Those kids are part of me and I m supposed to let them get
TRIGGER WARNING
killed?
END TRIGGER WARNING.
Told her I thought this was a BAD idea to create an inner conflict. PLEASE.

Indeed, a year has gone by but I didn t fully realise til December 2012.

Love

Nina11

sounds to me like you are beginning to deal with them, you are aware they are there, they felt safe enough to come out and let you know they were there and putting them behind the glass allows everyone to see each other but feel safe.

i think go with your instincts regarding what your T said, it's your system you know best, if you think it's a bad idea, it probably is....

I'm not sure how to deal with the abusive alter we haven't figured that out yet.... we do try to talk to the more approachable ones and see if we can find better jobs for them, that still fit their skills... I don't really know if it has worked or not yet ... early days.

us xx

Nina, please stay strong and don't let anyone push you into hurting your alters. They deserve safety and happiness and being seen and heard. Would you be able to find a therapist who is more knowledgeable about DID and how to handle alters and help healing?

Sending you lots of hugs and safe healing thoughts if wanted

Thanks for your kind replies

Yes, I thought hurtin those kids was a bad idea. Unfortunately I haven t found anyone else yet, so all the information I have gathered so far, comes from here!

This happened yesterday: the big alter on the horizon came closer and picked me up. The glass broke, where the demon kids were and they broke out. He was headin to them. I thought he was kind and would help them out.

When he reached them, he threw me on the ground and all those kids transformed in a giant lady as big as him.

And then I saw
TRIGGER WARNING
their faces.
It weren t faces at all.
How could I ve missed this?
It was lava.
And they burnt me.
They burnt everythin down.
Elf suddenly reappeared and took me in Indies hole.
I had to get Amber fast,she wasn t aware. It took me a while to convince her to stay as she wanted to play.
We staid all nite.
END TRIGGER WARNING.

Then a river appeared surroundin all two of them, and then a third one came up, within the river.
Elf put up a magical wand and they re stuck there.
So it was safe to leave the hole.

Everythin is burnt, the savanna is okay, but the ocean is ... weird. I m not sure the sea creatures are fine.

It was scary but under control.

They re called Ab, Ra and Ham. But wont speak.

Is this too progress?

we will be able to say more about this, when less fragmented, but we do want to say a few things, we have someone in here...me, I can talk for myself!

ME: I will not give my name, I am a protector and I have destroyed our inner world in the past. It was done because it was the only option available at the time, I wish there could have been another option I know many were hurt or killed, but it would have been so much worse had I not done what needed to be done. Those that died are not gone for good, they are still with us, just in there own hidden place and they do come out sometimes, many have changed and come back in diff forms.

There was one protector in particular who was so angry with me, he was separated from his other half and full of hate for me we are working together now he understands why it happened and we are working on protecting the systems together and of course finding his other half.

I just wanted to say, sometimes there are reasons for the protectors need to destroy, we always have our reasons. Communication is the only way forward and all that you have seen lately is they're way of communicating, they are telling you about themselves, they are showing you they're world.
they will have they're reasons and these will become obvious in time.

I am sorry for the fear this causes the rest of you,

R.

Thanks for the explanation.

That s kind of you.

I think indeed some are hurt. Not sure too what extent.

It s too much for me now to deal with. So I just focus on rebuilding. Well, restoring the swing.

Elf said Ab, Ra and Ham changed into a single flame called Flo.

He says it needs to go to my heart.

*sigh*

We know how hard this is.

blu's world has been dis-assessembled/destroyed, we do not know the full extent of the damage.

she is hiding / .... but still watching and sends safe ((((hugs))))

we hope you all find peace soon.

sending you all blu petals, full of calm, trust and understanding.

us....