I'm at a loss and I need help. Trigger?

My sons anger is getting worse. He can't control it! He THREW his 3 year old brother off the couch. He landed like a board flat on his back and his head was bleeding a little. I snapped! Ran after him and spanked his ass (NOT proud of)! He started screaming at me saying he was going to spank me so I know how it feels and then he screamed at the top of his lungs he wishes his brother was never born! Now his brother runs and cries every time he sees him and keeps asking me why his big brother hates him! :'( he is sad and scared. I told CC to stay in his room until is father gets home! Now he is in there holding his breath trying to die. (Ugh)

The 3 year old has a huge red mark and little tiny blood spots on the back of his head!!!

This is my fear, he has major major anger issues. I'm afraid he is truly going to physically harm my 3 year old!!Part of me wants to separate them until CC is more stable/integrated. But part of me thinks that's a bad idea. What if that throws CC stability he might have even worse. :'(

I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!!! :'(

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Okay. Whoa. Deep breaths. Chill. Try not to panic. Panic doesn't get people much of anywhere. Think:

Have you guys/he/they talked to his t about anger management?

Is this him, or another part?

What happened to trigger this anger (doesn't make it okay, but it could help to understand)?

He's not going to kill his brother, and he doesn't hate him, I'm sure. Maybe there is a part with a lot of anger toward him for some reason, but that's not the same.

And keep the 3-year-old safe, take care of his injuries, do whatever else you have to til CC gets back in control.

Best of luck.

I don't know if it was CC or not. I asked and he screamed its just me! So no names were given. I mentioned anger management to his therapist but nothing came of it. The reason he threw him off the couch was because be wouldn't stop wiggling his foot while watching tv! Ugh.

He does have a part who is verrry rage filled (controller). CC said he rarely lets CC out. He pushes him back down and takes over the rage. Be literally "see's red" angry when he gets mad.

that must have been really scary for everyone involved. As someone who has a a part that use to be very angry, violence never solves anything but makes it worse. I know it is scary because your son was injured, but perhaps putting him in time out instead of chasing after him (can be very emotionally scarring) and hitting him (also can be traumatic) would be better. Maybe going in his room and telling him you love him might help him know that you were angry, but now are not (even if you still are). Constant supervision when he is with your three year old may be needed for a while, especially if you think an angry alter is out.

This being said, i hold no right to tell you how to parent (i'm sorry if i offended). I hope everything works out for you and your family in the near future and best wishes to all.

No offense taken. I am a no hit parent so I feel very hypocritical right now.

Everyone slips once in a while. It is important to forgive yourself as well, as every moment serves as a lesson and learning opportunity to further each other and ourselves. As someone who has struggled with rage and has had violent episodes, I have found meditation of all things useful in keeping calm or calming down.

Meditation has been scientifically proven to stimulate parts of the brain that would not usually be stimulated and it can be used to actually strengthen certain areas as well. When one of us gets upset or panicky, we do a counting meditation. It is very simple and it can be a very pleasant bonding activity to do with others. Both you and the person participating (although it is possible to do this on your own as well) sit down in a comfortable position. Take a slow deep breath and while breathing in, count upwards to 5. Hold the breath for a 1-3 seconds, and slowly exhale while counting down from 5. This can be repeated as many times as needed. I find visualization to be a perfect companion to this kind of meditation and as I inhale, I imagine all the things that make me angry building up into a ball in my center, and as I exhale, I imagine the ball of anger dissipating as I breath out. An average effective meditation session can last from 5 minutes to half an hour depending on need and attention span.


coloring and fingerpainting is fun. you can use angry colors and poor all your feelings onto paper when your angry. black crayons are good for showing anger too. ~annie

Thank you. I will definitely try meditation for CC as well as myself. Controller HATES my 3 year old. CC said he tried to stop controller from hurting him but can't because controller is getting stronger and stronger :'(

I do not know what to do! My gut wants me to separate them, but with how unstable CC is I don't know if that will cause more problems.

Now his 3 year ol brother is screaming stuff like he hates his life and wants to die.

CC is being such a bad influence(even though he cannot control it) which is another reason I keep thinking split.

Honey, from one mom to another: you have an anger management problem yourself. I don't say this to blame you or shame you. A "no hit policy" is worth next to nothing unless you have a big bag of tricks (techniques) to use instead of hitting. Do you? Probably not. If you were hit as a child, I guarantee you the adults around you had very small bags of tricks themselves. You need counseling from someone with extensive behavioral training, such as a Licensed Family and Marriage Therapist (LFMT), who can help you learn how to manage your own anger and manage your children more successfully.

Another poster here suggested you tell your child you aren't angry, even if you are angry. Do not do that. Do not lie to your child. As a class people with DID are known for their uncanny ability to read people and spot lies. Do not ever lie to a multiple.

Your son's school district may have a behavioral specialist on staff, who if not available to work with you and your children directly might be able to refer you to someone appropriate who could.

Call someone right now. Your family doctor, your pediatrician? A domestic violence help line. A neighbor. Your son's therapist. I would start with the therapist. Get off the computer and call one of these people right now!

The doctor agreed that it might be safest for the 3 YO to separate them until CC gets more stable/integrated. But I'm sick to my stomach about poor 3 yo! He isn't going to understand why!!!!!! :'( I don't want to be away from either of my kids like that! UGH

Idk what to do! Controller is so rage filled I do not trust him. At all.