An eye opening journey *tw*

It has been almost two years since I escaped from the House, and 9 months since escaping from my *abusers*. I have just started to realize that everything i have ever been told and known is a lie.
*The mother was psychologically and emotionally abusive*, I'm starting to finally begin to accept this now. It didn't always feel like it was bad enough to count as *abuse*, and whenever it did, I was always reminded by her how I was just overly sensitive and that I wasn't important enough for people to purposely go out of their way to hurt my feelings. Moving on from that, I met someone who has made my life worth living and he let me live with him for those 9 months of blissful freedom and healing. He has shown me what love and genuine kindness feels like.

Lately I have been getting more memories and flashbacks of things from the past and it has caused me to question if what went on back then was normal like the mother had said, or if I was actually being lied to. I began slowly telling my SO about some of the things that went on, asking if they were considered normal or not. He said definitely no. It's all so weird to think about...

Every thing she told me I was was a lie.
Every bad name she called me was a lie.
Everything she told me I would never have or be, her version of "normal punishments", every "diagnosis" she waved in my face, all her lessons about the 'real world'.

I don't know what to think anymore, I don't know what's real and what's not, about both myself or the world. Somehow knowing that she was wrong is very freeing.

We have to go back to the place that broke us soon. Our year of life and love is coming to an end and all I guess I can do is write down what I learned so I don't get sucked back into the circle of lies and manipulation. This was my eye opening journey, my one year of life. I guess all we can do is move forward (like we actually have a choice) and try to remember everything we have learned.

We've all come such a long way, I'm glad I'll at least have the company. I was told once that all you needed to live was one good thing to happen in your life, but maybe that was a lie too. I guess we'll find out soon enough.

Might I ask why you have to go back?

I'm glad you've experienced life. Sometimes that's all you can get.
But please try to keep safe still and keep going.
Thinking of you (all).

Since I'm out of my 'home country' I have to go back after a certain amount of time or else it's considered illegal immigration. It catches me between a rock and a hard place. Can't stay here, but I dread going back.

Thank you for the well wishing.

I can relate to the confusion.

It s hard when people that should shelter and protect you, make you feel loved and important, tell you lies.

Whatever lies that may be.

She must have many problems herself.

I m sorry for the suffering you had to endure.

It took a while before I got flashbacks and back then (and sometimes still) I was very annoyed, scared and out of control.

Now I look at it as a sign of healing. Back then I couldn t handle what happened, right now there s more strenght in a way and there will be an end to this.

About ogoin back, does that mean you HAVE to go back to your mum?

I m sendin you the determniation of a hungry bear for huney to get through this and am so glad you have someone that makes you feel loved.

Love

Nina11

Do you have to move in with her though? I imagine you would be able to keep some of your freedom if you lived across country from her for instance?

I hope you're able to find something that works for you so you can continue to heal