Why don't I remember this?? *Possible Trigger?*

So I was talking to my mom (Abuser) and she said that she knew about a lot of the others and even had conversations with them. Several incedents she told me about I was flabergasted. I mean I don't remember most anything before a year ago, but usually I get a vauge sense of a memory's existance when its brought to my attention. I don't with all of the insedents she told me about. She said it had been there(All of it sense I was six. Never went awayand That I wnt years under different names.)
I don't get why I never remembered about all of this. My memories start about a year ago. But I never had any clue about any of this. It's probably good too, cus I moved into a very religious place.
Anyone know why I didn't know about this life long thing in my years worth of memories?
Aubrey

That is the nature of DID: to forget. Probably some other part of you was out and said these things, wanted to be called these names etc and you would then not know or remember anything about it.

Well she told me she used to know them. She described all of the ones she'd met perfectly. She said I would act radically different foe long periods of time. She said she always saw me underneath, but... If I was so different so often for so long... Who was "I" really?
Oddly enough... I don't remember most of anything before a year ago. Not the different periods, or the odd switches that things happened during. None of it. But why would I forget all of it when it's been my whole life? The only thing I can think is that I wasn't host until a year ago, a while after I had moved from the abusive environment. It's an unsettling thought...
Any clues as to any expatiations?
Aubrey

Likely you surfaced later than the events mentioned by your mother or a year ago as this is when your memories start. No one can say though.

Thanks for trying to help lifelongthing.
So My Alters have Alters. Do you know how to deal with this and learn about them? Are their systems going to be different?
Aubrey

Surely. I hope I can be of some help sometime too

This is another pretty personal thing to a system. We don't have alters within alters (or, I don't know much about all the Lin's in here or what that means or what have you but I'm not jumping on it - it will reveal itself in time) but there are several here who are. Galaxies is one of them. Maybe consider taking Mags (of Ell, from the user galaxies) up on her offer to explain things to you (I remember her writing to you in a thread)?

They might work differently from you or have different inside rules than your system or it might be the same. Have you tried asking whoever is out of each system? Like when a part of JuDe is out, try to communicate with whoever is out by writing, talking or whatever means of communications that is available to you?

Well JuDe and I are co-pilots. We usually remember what happens with each other. When he switches, no one can remember. But it seems like after the first few times after I kinew what was going on, I could be co-conscious with them or at least aware of what they were doing. I remember one occasion when JuDe switched. I could watch what that alter, Billy, I think did, but he said he didn't remember it at all. I shared my memories of it with him. It was an incomplete account, because I didn't remember quite everything, but I was the only one who remembeed anything. Well... The only one who can comunicate with the others. It seems every one elses systems are off limits to the rest of us. Even our internal matrix programmer can't affect them. She has no records on them either. She can affect the whole internal world. Accept JuDe's mountains and flowers. Well really, I think mostly she can affect the archetecture. It seems only JuDe can affect the wildlife and land. And he doesn't do that on purpose. It's one of his Alters.

Well JuDe and I are co-pilots. We usually remember what happens with each other. When he switches, no one can remember. But it seems like after the first few times after I kinew what was going on, I could be co-conscious with them or at least aware of what they were doing. I remember one occasion when JuDe switched. I could watch what that alter, Billy, I think did, but he said he didn't remember it at all. I shared my memories of it with him. It was an incomplete account, because I didn't remember quite everything, but I was the only one who remembeed anything. Well... The only one who can comunicate with the others. It seems every one elses systems are off limits to the rest of us. Even our internal matrix programmer can't affect them. She has no records on them either. She can affect the whole internal world. Accept JuDe's mountains and flowers. Well really, I think mostly she can affect the archetecture. It seems only JuDe can affect the wildlife and land. And he doesn't do that on purpose. It's one of his Alters.

i understand it. i am a multiple of my own rite. this astral body is mine, but then it is not truly. my sisters - all who share my name also take part in this well-worn flesh. we of ell live behind the gate by the waters edge, the meaning of ell in our language. we were born on the knife's edge and beyond the grave; we share blood and religion. in ritual there is a thread between our many differences. of course, the similarities go no farther - the song of magdella is different than arella's song or my own. at once i am myself but many others. so it is.

the warrior girls, the children of the hill, my Linn - they operate in the light, outside of my woods. only my Linn has seen within my gates, but she has no power here. magdella, our a'lilit, reigns queen. ah, but these are things too personal for the writing here.

if this new landscape within jude is so foreign, i should counsel you to spend time as a witness. there is an excitement to knowing; the first dance, the first rings to exchange, the songs of many and all so different. like the desert that appears bereft of life, attention to little details could reveal all that grows beneath the surface.

yours,
ell

Well the inner world for all of us is controlled by JuDe. But I don't know if he has one in his own mind. I'll have to ask him.