judgement day or just fire drill *TW*

It is going on for days now. I see less and less of us. One of the children turned out to be a fantasy of one of us.
There is about 4 left of us.

I will talk to my shrink tomorrow if this is integration.
\It does not feel this way. It feels like... going to a hospital getting a drip and calling them all back.

Does it ring a bell? Dealing with fantasies of the people? I have one person crying. Pretending to be above it, but feeling like there is too much.

It turned out we have romance between us, one of us is... I cannot even say.

I am zoning out so I will hopefully remember to check this later. I hope for some replies because we also suffer from some sorta heartbreak and we ######6 took so many pills I wonder if I should even go to sleep.

I mean, sorry, no, I know us, we know limits. Maybe I wanted to write that I want to give it away. I never wanted to be ANP. Now I am a mix, a mutt, ANP and Alter. I want to be on mars behind xanax bars.

Yes, yes I could just wait till tomorrow and ask the shrink. But she wont tell me nice things. She won't tell me experiences. You have it, she does not.

Nothing warned us. I wish it would take me.
Would alters live in a body without an ANP?

Best. Sorry for meowing. The other ANP is inaccessible. In fact she fainted and one of us got up from the floor, did some work and said I have duties.

DUTIES?

Is God sweeping trough are crops? What the...? If i would write you what one of the alters is doing you'd vomit. I know you guise are used to heavy weapons but this is humiliation. The bad one had to stay, okay, okay.

Thanks if you read my new rambling. I am maybe incomprehensible. But the question remains: why do they just - go. Anyone lived trough that?

Wishing you all a good day/night.

Laura <3

One of us called the doctor some time ago and switched the dates. I missed my appointment and will have to profusely apologize and pay for the missed vist.

It's to little of us left to start an internal INTERVENTION. I have to let it slide. But no shrink today.
I am actually relaxed and just bit meh/sad instead of furious.
So much has happened and so much is gone and the energy is just negatie,
i feel like i will get to bed (I have the luxury to work from home due to the disabled papers)
and feel the little hurts and pinpricks
and relax



Can the whole internal landscape change? People merge? New people appear?
Sometimes we ask the questions that there's no answer to
but I just built a house on I Don't Give A Fuq Avenue.
No, I care , I care.

Argh, $#%^ on a shoe string..
Hope things aren't as #######5 right now. I'll getin contact properly this evening but just wanted to say hi and bump this thread to the top in the process.

Can the whole internal landscape change? People merge? New people appear?
Sometimes we ask the questions that there's no answer to
but I just built a house on I Don't Give A Fuq Avenue.
No, I care , I care.

Most definitely can. Happening in here at the mo. Once the dissociative walls come down its kinda like having an open-plan brain (I could swear the ###$ wind is blowing in one ear and out the other).

I suppose it means my system is changing - alters are merging or fusing and that. Maybe this means healing, but also is very confusing, no one knows who is who any more.

We think the prob may be that a DID brain is organised differently to a "normal" one - "normal" people have a brain like a layer cake (super-ego, ego, id and all that), so they can repress things for example (i.e. stuff them in the basement). A DID brain is more like vertical compartments all the way from top to bottom. When you start weakening the boundaries between the compartments everything just floats about left right and centre, conscious thought as well as memory and fantasy.

Means we have to build a basement and then decide what to put into it, like "normal" people. Maybe we should have elections for a super-ego too

Not sure if that makes sense, but hey

Teatime, Thanks, looking forward!

tribeofone, i thik i saw some of your posts just maybe it is too close to what's happening indeed we didn't wanna come in and talk\

it's interesting what you say,

it means we need a bomb shelter.

i have no energy to build one...

damn. so... are you 'missing' as in' sad they are gone' people?

I am goddamn sleepwalking or something.
I will call the shrink and ugh. Hate talking on the phone like dat.

<3 lura

We think the prob may be that a DID brain is organised differently to a "normal" one - "normal" people have a brain like a layer cake (super-ego, ego, id and all that), so they can repress things for example (i.e. stuff them in the basement). A DID brain is more like vertical compartments all the way from top to bottom. When you start weakening the boundaries between the compartments everything just floats about left right and centre, conscious thought as well as memory and fantasy.

Means we have to build a basement and then decide what to put into it, like "normal" people. Maybe we should have elections for a super-ego too

Made me smile Definitely makes sense

we're missing people all the time, only for them to turn up in the weirdest situations. blocks of emotion and imagery floating around - not even sure what of that is an alter and what is just stuff.

also, three of us are close enough to be merged now, but not integrated, as in, can still be triggered out separately. others are still disconnected but come out randomly due to all the confusion.

I've decided to take this with a certain amount of friendly detachment. I'm the host, my job is to put food on the table. Let the nutters inside do their thing (the last thing I heard was "we should build a solar-system shaped structure with the basic contradiction between good and evil at the core". Now at least we know what Gabriel is doing...)

It just amazes me how this can at the same time be absolutely insane and make 100% sense

It just amazes me how this can at the same time be absolutely insane and make 100% sense

lol story of my life

ANP is an alter

EPs and ANPs are alters just different types, different roles

all parts are alters, host, ANPs, EPs, etc

anything is possible with DID

it could be that you're blending, or integrating, or that there's changes and developments going on inside, or that alters are going to sleep and seem to be disappearing, or something

no alter ever truly disappears, even with integration or blending, just as no puzzle piece disappears once the puzzle is finished and the picture is whole

they're still there, just maybe not separate anymore

hope you feel better soon




-cassie (age ?)

I feel like we are one, yes tomboy. Alters or no- same thing.
Not so much for the shrink. Or, it's complicated.


I think I entered a phase of depression, or manic depression. I am the one with BPD though, so, I could blame it on that.

I neeed to read some serious books on DID>
if each of us can have a disease, it's terrible. If my BPD causes such destruction and hard work to maintain, how - I don't even- give me the integration pill. Or cut out the BPD. I am being ridiculous. Anhedonia can make everyone ridiculous. When will I wash my hair, for example? For now who is left is huddled together in one room. I feel no connection to them, emotional, except the communication. I am living my BPD traits on them? And in anger dissolved some of them without noticing?

Yeah I mean those are questions... Shurg shrug shrug.