Hi

um hi. i don't know if i should be here or not. im told i might have parts. im trying to figure things out. I know i have ptsd, but i don’t know about anything else rite now.

if i do have parts, like ddnos or something, they feel like feelings. they make me feel like doing stuff i normally wouldnt do. sometimes i dont know what to do or how to act. and ive been told I tend to act really different sometimes. sometimes they are easier to feel or be than other times. like rite now, i feel kinda small and big. im going back and forth. sometimes i tend to think to myself in we form.

but i feel like i could stop these feelings if i want to. i think. i think all the voices are just me because i cant tell the difference between what is me and what would be them. it all feels the same. and they arent always there, and they arent usually forceful or loud or clear. the ones that are just seem like ptsd intrusive thoughts. i cant go inside or anything and they must not fully come out because i still always feel like im in control. i always remember things i think.

i would like to see if people have thoughts

Hi and welcome to the forum

This is a post tomboy24 did.
It might help answer some of your questions!
dissociative-identity/topic110069.html

This is DID or DDNOS thread
dissociative-identity/topic72256.html

hi! i hope you find this place helpful! and those threads spanky_spee listed above should definitely be either of help or of interest to you, so i hope you check them out.

everything- alters, fragments, parts, voices, etc., are technically PARTS of YOU, just as you are a part of them (and you sound like you definitely could have DDNOS-1 or DID). so you are all parts of the same person, that's why you can feel like those voices are your's yet separate, those intrusive thoughts are your's yet not, etc. because technically, they are your's in the sense that you are all parts of the same person, but they're not your's in the sense that you are not the same parts of that person. (hope that makes sense).


with both DDNOS-1 and DID, almost everyone who has either condition has PTSD as well.

this is because DDNOS-1 and DID are developed by trauma (during childhood), though symptoms and parts can stay hidden/"dormant" and not be noticed or "discovered" until later on in life.

and trauma isn't just abuse. it's anything that can be considered traumatic to a child, including anything that can "cause" PTSD. and what can be traumatic to a child often doesn't seem "that bad" or traumatic when you look back on it as an adolescent or an adult. (this is because what can be traumatizing to a child isn't always the same as what can be traumatizing to an adolescent or an adult).



from what you describe, i'd say there is a very, very strong possibility that you have DDNOS-1.

DDNOS-1 is like DID, it deals with parts of yourself, voices, etc., but it's like, a "lesser form" of DID. there is no time loss or black outs with DDNOS-1, so you always remember everything.
the parts aren't as separated or "fully developed" as they are/can be with DID, so they often all feel like they're you, yet they're not you at the same time, and it's hard to tell the difference between what is you and what is them.
not everyone with DDNOS-1 or DID has an inner world, and even when people do have inner worlds, they can't always access them or "go inside"- it's different for everyone.
with DDNOS-1, parts don't fully come out or switch, because they're less separated than they are with DID, so it's more like, always sharing the body or control, not having a full switch for who's out or in control. with DID, a switch is like, someone walking up to you while you're driving a car, and pushing you out of the driver's seat, and taking the wheel themselves. with DDNOS-1, it's more like, someone reaches over the seat and tries to steer the wheel while you're still in the driver's seat and still got your hands on the wheel as well. (hope that made sense...) so, you're always there, but you might have to struggle to have "full control" every once in a while, and otherwise for the most part, you usually have at least partial control.
everything that you've written here, the voices, not being able to tell if they're you or not, being made to do stuff you wouldn't normally do, feeling small and big, thinking in a "we" form, the voices not always being there, everything talked about here is a sign/symptom of DDNOS-1.





*trigger warning, talk of DDNOS-1/DID development*

see, we're all born with neurons in our brain that make up our personality.

the development of these neurons forming the personality occurs in childhood, and thus this is where DID or DDNOS-1 is formed, in childhood (age range being from newborn to 12, sometimes 13 from what i've read, and the "prime time" being from ages 5-8). (however, if you don't remember any trauma this early on, keep in mind your brain may have forced you to forget it, or what started this might not seem "that bad" or traumatic to you now, etc).

with normal development, these personality neurons become structured together, sorta "melding" together, some are kept, others are gotten rid of, structuring until they form a whole personality.

with DDNOS-1 development, this structuring process started, but then it was disrupted by trauma or the "side effects" of trauma, and so the neurons stopped "melding" together, and didn't finish becoming structured together. this forms half-separated "sides" of the personality, which later develop into parts/alters/fragments of the personality.

so picture normal development being like a cake that's been fully baked and is done.
with DDNOS-1, the ingredients got half-mixed, but they're still sitting in the bowl, and you can still make out some of the ingredients, like a bit of egg here, some flour there, etc.


with DID development, this structuring process is disrupted before it begins or gets very far (by trauma or the "side effects" of trauma). so the neurons do not structure together and don't "meld" together, and they stay separate. these separated neurons form separate "sides" of the personality which later develop into alters/fragments/parts of the personality. but they're more separated and more "developed" separately than those with DDNOS-1.

with the cake analogy, picture DID development being the ingredients just got put into the bowl, not mixed at all. so the full egg is still there, the full flour is still there, there was no mixing whatsoever.


almost everyone does not realize they have DDNOS-1 or DID until later on in life, and it's common to not remember or realize the trauma that helped these conditions to develop. this is because the whole point of DDNOS-1/DID is to help the host/whoever's "out" the most/whoever's most "out" seem and act as "normal" and "ok" as possible. DDNOS-1/DID is a coping mechanism the brain resorts to in order to help a person cope with trauma. if symptoms are too obvious or worried about, if parts are known about or learned about or are obvious, if the trauma memories could still affect you and how you operate, that's not helping you to seem as "normal" or "ok" as possible, so the brain tries to keep the symptoms hidden/unnoticed, the parts try to stay hidden and unnoticed, and if needed, the trauma memory/ies will be "stored" with a certain part so that you aren't affected by them or the brain will resort to amnesia until you are in a better place to process, accept, and cope with those memories.
often, people simply write off memories they are aware of and do have as "not being bad enough" to cause DDNOS-1/DID or "not traumatic", despite the fact that those things were traumatic and "bad enough" to them when they occurred, they just don't seem traumatic or "bad enough" now when they're looking back on them. it's important to remember things might not seem "bad enough" to people now, but they were/could easily be "bad enough" back then when those things happened.




i hope that was helpful to you. and i'm glad you found this place. this is a very safe, supportive, and understanding place.


- cassie (age ?)

Welcome here I hope you find this place helpful. This is a great place for support and understanding.

@Spanky_spee Thank you for the welcome and the links. More information is always helpful.

@Tomboy24 Thank you for your description of DID/DDNOS-1. I think I might relate. I really thought voices would have to be more distinct. I'm going back and forth between thinking its possible and thinking its not possible at all. It's good to know that there may be some basis for this and that it's not all in my head, even though it feels like it.

@Lifelongthing Thank you for the welcome. I'm glad this is a safe place for figuring things out.

You're welcome I think everyone here wants this to be a safe place, so that people can come and work on themselves. I'm glad you're here and that you feel it can help