Sabotaging.. So angry *rant*

Are you saying that my mom may be projecting her DID on me? Because, honestly, that's what I thought at the beginning.

No, I don't think DID can be projected. DID isn't 'just' a feeling. (Depression, maybe, I don't know, but not DID).

I mean things like this:

readyornothereicome wrote:I have to deal with your constant spoiled brat attitude and I'm not tolerating it anymore. Theres something wrong with you, you're stunted in growth. You're always giving me attitude and being disrespectful.

readyornothereicome wrote:She keeps telling me I'm acting like my father, trying to get a reaction out of her and controlling her

She's actually claiming you do things you don't do. She probably really feels like you really do these things, while it's actually that she's (I assume, I don't know) 'projecting' those feelings on you. When you act on them it makes it only worse...

... I think I realize this is what's going on between my father and me a long time. He has always claimed people don't listen to him. That's not true. It's not like I ignore him really. But he has said at some rare occasions that he doesn't feel understood. If I understand projection, what's going on is that he hides the feeling of not feeling understood, and 'projects' that on other people. Meaning, he feels like other people don't listen to him. Maybe I believed it some time, but I haven't believed those claims for a long time. Because it doesn't make sense. Interesting. Maybe I should check out how to deal with projection. In case it happens again.
I've longer suspected there was projection going on. Just not so specific.

Ok, that was my realization for now.

K i understand now and i think you have a point. Also alot of the things she can't stand about me are things she does herself example: She's always yelling that I am messy but the truth I'm not really. Sure, I'll leave a coffee cup on the counter but it doesn't stay there over night. She on the other hand is really messy. She'll come for lunch and leave her food on the counter. The bathroom counter is always filled with her makeup, lotions.. etc.. but she'll only notice my toothbrush. She tends to call me out on all the bad parts of her or my father, and it's always been that way, since I'm small. Never positive attributes. Both of them do this, actually.

Yeah, My dad did the same thing. "I'm all alone, no one understands me. No one listens..." Even though I would sit down for hours listening to him. He'd always tell people he had no one to talk to, we (the kids) were always doing their own thing and never spend time with him even though without exaggeration, some days I would sit at the table listening to him from the time he got back from work till 8-9 pm. He would never ask about my day or how I was. I would feel bad for him since "he was all alone" but frankly, I was just being used as his narc supply. It didn't take long before he gave me an ultimatum when I stopped being so available. I haven't spoken to him in 2 months and from what my siblings tell me, he's still doing the same thing, only now he adds me to his pity story. "Oh, i don't know why she left. (His story is that I just left one day without any warning or explanation) Poor him. Could your dad possibly be a Narcissist?

If my dad is a narcissist, he hides it well, and is possibly aware of it. I don't really think he's a narcissist. But he has probably other problems to deal with (which he doesn't seem to deal with, even if my mother says he does).

I think my father keeps doing as if there's nothing wrong. He doesn't normally say no one cares about him. While looking up narcissism, I found Cognitive distortion. That describes him very well (he does most of what's on that page). When he talks, it is often in a way he's constantly blaming others for things, in very subtle ways. Constantly I don't think he even notices it's blaming. He doesn't have much empathy, it seems.

My mother takes everything he says. Sometimes, I think like, please, don't accept all that. Don't let yourself be blamed. But alas. To her, the relation is good. She doesn't see the inequality. The unbalancedness.

My bad, I think I see all fathers as psychos lol. Maybe a projection?

It sucks to deal with this $#%^ but you gotta do for you. Don't fall for his pity parties or negative thoughts. It seems you're more worried for your mom being sucked in. She made a choice. She's a grown woman. She probably knows but for her, it's worth it. You have to stop carrying your parents load of crap on your back. I've found it a lot easier to carry my own baggage. Of course, some days I'm like "How did this old dirty pair of socks get in my bags" and I'm all like " MOM, I don't need your $#%^. I have my own to take care of." Just being conscious of it helps or else you end up doing loads of laundry and half the clothes aint even yours.

I've found it a lot easier to carry my own baggage. Of course, some days I'm like "How did this old dirty pair of socks get in my bags" and I'm all like " MOM, I don't need your $#%^. I have my own to take care of." Just being conscious of it helps or else you end up doing loads of laundry and half the clothes aint even yours.

Very good point. This made me smile to read

You're right. I should first fix myself, I guess. First heal myself. Then I can start looking at them. If I should try it at all. This is really difficult, they're still my parents.

I think I've figured it out (more), after I tried to make my dad see he had hurt someone emotionally.
My father has (almost) no empathy. He's likely autistic like I am, but I think I at least have some sense of empathy I would think. He has a twisted world view. In that view, everyone in the family has some sort of conspiracy against him. He (honestly) thinks he has empathy. He (honestly) thinks he's more often right than other people in the family.
My mother does have a bit empathy, I think, but has problems with it. She mostly pretends to have empathy, but it just feels fake. And she makes a lot mistakes with that (like, responding quasi-empathic just the wrong way). Well, at least she tries to and sees her own mistakes (and takes other people's blame).
So, all in all, I'm not exactly surprised I have problems with how to interact with people