I lied.

I lied about everything.
I'm
so
sorry.
There was no "us" and there never will be an "us".
I'm so sorry
for wasting everyone's time on here
I'm
really
truly
sorry.
-Faith

*Trigger Warning for possible uncensored cursing*

My head hurts a little...
Dammit! I just have to go and f##king lie about everything! Nothing f##king happened to make an "us"! I don't get why "we" keep on believing that something did! It's ridicoulous! Nothing happened at all!
So I was in the hospital for a 2 months and had a bunch of eye surgeries and all that s##t! I don't get why that would be enough to make us have DID!
So what, "we" get all dizzy around white and feel like we're about to f##king pass out! That doesn't mean anything! A lot of people don't like white!
You sound ridiculous.
You're ridiculous. The whole notion of "DID" is ridicolous!
Dammit. I give up.
-Faith

I don't think you're faking. Everyone goes through this and I'm very sorry for it. I erased our signature because of denial like this but that didn't make them go away. They're still here and your system is still there too.
You're not lying. I know it's hard but look through posts and writings and such and record or take note of things that may seem unusual. Things that you have to reach for an explanation for.

Or do what I did and go a couple days vehemently rejecting their existence and still have all this crazy multiple $#%^ happen anyway and let that sink in.
Good luck, dears

Desiria wrote:*Trigger Warning for possible uncensored cursing*

My head hurts a little...
Dammit! I just have to go and f##king lie about everything! Nothing f##king happened to make an "us"! I don't get why "we" keep on believing that something did! It's ridicoulous! Nothing happened at all!
So I was in the hospital for a 2 months and had a bunch of eye surgeries and all that s##t! I don't get why that would be enough to make us have DID!
So what, "we" get all dizzy around white and feel like we're about to f##king pass out! That doesn't mean anything! A lot of people don't like white!
You sound ridiculous.
You're ridiculous. The whole notion of "DID" is ridicolous!
Dammit. I give up.
-Faith

Alex has just gone through this and has said rather similar things before. It can feel so lonely and confusing feeling as though you are different, but on this site, there are others like you, people who can relate to you. You are not alone

Quoting Spock, If you eliminate the impossible, whatever remains, however improbable, must be the truth.

We wish you luck in your selves discovery.

Desiria, don't feel bad. Look around the threds, how many are about denial.

Maybe you are right.

What if not? Why would you have such guilt? If you faked, you'd just leave and pfft.

DID is the 8th wonder in humankind's history, methinks.

i really wish there was a magic button to make denial go away.

i really do.

because i see people, just like you desiria, that say the same exact thing cassandra has said all over this forum, and it hurts me, because i know how it feels to have the host say that it's all a lie, or that it's all fake, or that they were acting, and to call their alters lies and made up and just a part of their imagination.

it hurts.

i'm not trying to make you feel bad or guilty. i'm just being honest. it hurts me to see people say the same exact, same exact! thing as cassandra did/still does sometimes, and it hurts me to know how the alters inside must be feeling because of that, and it hurts me to see people struggle with the same exact doubts and worries and denial that cassandra has and yet we, as a whole family on this forum, can't seem to help each other shake it. i wish there was a way we could all just come together and stand together and say "no more! we all can see that everyone here has similar doubts, similar struggles, similar experiences, and says similar things. we all can see that we are not alone, there are plenty of us here that understand each other and go through the same thing, and we will not listen to the whispering doubts of denial to the best of our ability anymore!" or again, it'd be nice if there was a magic anti-denial button. but there's not.

and so i say to you, don't listen to this doubt. don't listen to this denial. you are not faking. this is not a lie. this is not made up. this is not your imagination. fakes, lies, made-up stuff, and imagination do not cause symptoms. they don't cause consistency with voices, symptoms, experiences, parts, etc. it doesn't cause pain when you feel denial or are struggling with denial. and it doesn't cause alters/parts to have their own voice and say things you don't want to say, or normally wouldn't say, or things like that.

you are only hurting and ignoring parts of yourself when you give into denial. fight it. don't let it win. because if denial wins, it only starts a vicious cycle that won't end until you pay attention to what's really going on. you'll tell yourself it's all a lie, go back to trying to live as "normally" as possible, and then the symptoms and wonderings will start up again enough for you to investigate, and then you'll question if you have DID again, and then you'll be like "well, it fits, so it must be that", and then denial will try to convince you that you're lying again.


keep in mind that denial is a defensive mechanism meant to try and hide everything from you once again. why? because DID is used to hiding. the whole point of a DID system is to help the host, being you, act and seem as normal and ok as possible. if alters are obvious, if symptoms are too obvious, if switches and such are obvious, if the DID is known about, that's not helping you to seem as normal and ok as possible, so your brain tries to hide it from you via doubt, denial, amnesia, stuff like that.


best of luck in fighting this. know that you're not alone with your struggles. i hope things get better for you all soon.


- cassie (age ?)

huni

you should ve seen host fight with Nina about this, shoutin how she was not real,

trigger warning
attackin her with knives and swords
end trigger warnin

then Nina became silent and host thought well she s gone again but she kept comin back. She knew of me but not very clear. Then in august the others showed and she felt as if goin crazy.

There s no such thing as 'this isn t serious enough to cause DID'.

You sound very real, all of you. You are parts of the beautiful person Desiria is, and you re all allowed to exist and to be and to be cared for.

Whether you keep your shape, transform, fight or have peace. It s all okay and you can spill on here.

Love

Nina11

Okay, I went into a bit of denial today because I read a thread on here with a person somewhat implying that a lot of us were fakers, but then I came to my senses again. Another thought crossed my mind as well. So...what if we DON'T have DID? Why does that make our people any less real? Maybe they ARE our imagination, but you know what?

That would just mean several people are sharing a single CONCIOUSNESS rather than several people sharing a body. Yes, maybe that sounds silly, but as Albus Dumbledore stated: "Just because something is inside of your head, doesn't mean it isn't real."

These people that we created through DID or vivid imaginations have feelings to some extent. I know mine do. They have disagreements with me and they have different interests. So, in that sense, they are real.

I often think like, you CANNOT know whether it was 'enough' to cause DID. Because of the nature of DID, often, things are either forgotten, the worst parts are forgotten, or it just feels far less severe than it really was.

(This is actually one of the ways I keep denial down - aside from parts showing me evidence as soon as a doubt crosses my mind. Like, suddenly my body starts to move and I can't prevent, or possibly traumatic feelings are getting back in a lessened form.)