Gender Differences...

As some of you might already know, we've got a male body. I just started naming all of the downsides I think I have, compared to everyone with a female body.

I can't wear the clothes I like most of all, I cant shop at places I would love to shop while saying I am buying it for myself, I can't wear my favorite pieces of jewelery outside of the house, I have to hide all the stuffies when someone comes over even though I really love them, I have to be 'rude' (like saying that someone will just be okay if they're upset, boys don't seem to talk about problems...), I can't say whatever I want to ("I love your shoes!", not quite boy-ish...), I can't decorate my room the way I want to, I can't walk into the girls restroom without getting arrested for sexual harassment or whatever, I can't even write what I want to because it is 'girlish' or 'gay'... Someone really told me "write less like a girl", and I really felt upset because of that. Even the thing I love most in the whole world, writing, is something I have to adapt to be able to show it to the world...

I really hate it, a million times a day I think about changing our gender, but we seem to be ugly as a boy so then we'll probably become a ugly now-a-girl.... I just want to burn down society and live in the woods or whatever.

Demi

I'm so sorry you have to go through this and that it is bothering you as much as it is.

I don't struggle with the same but I look more or less nothing like the body, so I know what having a big dissonance feels like. I know Jacob used to be very much bothered by it (especially since we have had, since we were quite young, a very noticeable hour glass figure that you can't hide in many clothes really and were short, had tiny feet, very feminine features etc) but decided that he could either be bothered by it, or he could own it. He got his own clothes but they don't do much by way of making him look manly.

I guess I'm just trying to say there are people here who can relate (obviously). I hope you find a solution that can help you.

I can sort of relate there. I have a female alter, Grace, but I'm a male. I've never really let her 'out' mostly because of the gender difference. I think it would be the most embarrassing thing if she, say went to use the bathroom and found out she's got something she shouldn't. I have virtual nothing I think she'd be comfortable in. It's hard for me because she'll often want to come out, but I won't let her. I just hope she's not too upset with me.

I can totally relate to this, except that we have a female body and half of us is male.
Just wanted to say that you don't have to adapt anything at all, well except for walking into the girls' bathroom.. All the other crap is just indoctrinated stereotypes and you don't have to give one crap about any of them. I wish people would finally at least just try to be real and show the world that being a person is totally unique for everyone. I live in a small stereotyped town and deal with this crap on a daily basis, and I keep trying every day to be me, whoever I am today, and not care about stereotypes. Sure some people hate me for it and frown upon the way I express myself, a lot of them even, but I don't need people like them in my life. You can write the way you want to write, you can talk about emotions and problems, you can keep stuffies, etc. Maybe it takes a long way to get there, and there will always be people who wont accept you but it's totally worth it. Have you considered going to transgender groups? I have but I'm doubting it because those people are always transgender and we are not, but it could be totally true that you'll find friends there who will let you be you. Did you know that the generally accepted doctrine of humanity existing of only 2 genders isn't even true? Yes, it's not true! People all over the world can have perfectly feminine bodies but be male inside, and anything in-between is possible, gender is not black and white, not male or female. Society just keeps on taking these labels far too serious and everyone is rejecting what they truly feel just to make themselves and other people think they belong to something. The saddest part is that they probably don't even know they're doing it cause they've never learnt anything other than trying to fit in, ever since they were born.
Just a long detour to say f**k what everyone thinks, and be you. Yes it's difficult, but so is hiding who you are all the time. Would you rather please strangers and people not worth your efforts, or would you rather please you? I truly wish that people who are real wouldn't be driven to want to live in the woods just to be okay with themselves. Being feminine, male, androgynous, gender-fluid, gay, opposite sex etc., all of it is okay, society and their primitive doctrines is what's wrong.

Guess being male in a female body is easier than being female in a male body... *sigh*
I'm currently trying to get rid of how I'm constantly fitting the norm. It's really hard, considering this is what my parents seem to do the whole time.. well my mother does. She tries to fit in everything, forgets herself, not a good example. Anyway, guess I stop ranting.

I'm not yet ready to throw everything overboard, but I'm changing, slightly but surely, with more healthy people around me who are far more accepting. People who don't seem to live in fear like my parents do (mainly my mother, and me still sometimes but *far* less than before and I'm also more and more detaching from that).

Many parts seem to identify with the female gender. The body is male. I (the host) have always seen myself as male, never really thought of it, just the most obvious thing there is. But (probably due to little separation between parts) I'm not feeling entirely male (anymore?). Not that I have an issue with that. I'm not really changing yet, but I'm allowing myself more freedom in that. Just expressing how I feel, not how I should feel.

I've heard someone saying one can only be truly manly when he is able to his female side (as nobody is really one of the two, as The Collective expressed well).

Well, we'll see how I look like in a few year's time No idea what it would be, though.

(No idea whether this is helpful, but anyway. Guess I have to get some sleep now).

We seem to have gotten lucky with Brit; she doesn't much care for girly things. That doesn't mean each guy can't have a feminine side.

I've told plenty of people how I like their shoes, but not exactly in an overly "bubbly" way. Something like, "Oh, great shoes!" is just fine coming from a guy. If it's just your phrasing or handwriting, girly writing shouldn't be an issue. If you truly love it, just write however you please.

I believe there is a medium where you can feel comfortable; there certainly is for us. The main exception is, of course, restrooms. Take care, Demi.

It'z no fun being mismatched to ur body. No advice but I get you. Sux0rz big time. U should write how u want to, say what u want. It'z their shame if who u r around is being a bigot. [ rinZU ]

I was about to write a new topic on this issue, but found this post... I hope its alright to resurrect it..

I completely relate to manyhearts.. It is difficult.

I feel very bad for my female and child alters not being able to express themselves without being noticed. Coming off as gay has been a real issue for us, (not to mention the gay male alters...) Also our aggressive behavior and dealing with men in general.

I was also reading the stranger in the mirror by Steinberg and Schnall. They have a very small section on the differences in male body DID. It talks about how men mostly end up as criminals or with a borderline or some such diagnosis and the rarity of the diagnosis in males.

I was wondering is the criminal part the "cycle of abuse" that I hear about. That people like me are the types to usually perpetuate the abuse?? I have never hurt anyone, by internalizing the bulk of our aggression and male sex drive.

Reading the threads I feel different from a lot of the other users. I feel like my alters are more aggressive and angry and it is harder for my female alters that are more caring, more in touch with emotions and more verbal, to write on the forum...

Are any of you that use the forum currently, male bodied?? And if so do you have any advice on the situation?