Am I at risk?/Just need people to talk to.

Thank you, today has been ..... interesting. Rather feel like I've fallen down the rabbit hole. I'll have a longer post later to go into fuller detail. Might be recognizing now that there are voices up there. I will try to get a little of the internals up later. Some of the things worrying me (?) right now. If I have alters, then I am an alter myself and have a role (working on figuring that one out). What in my past could have caused this. no major trauma is remembered. Memories are coming back things I though long forgotten, but are mainly pointless connections and places.

sounds very similar to our own experiences, especially in the early discovery stages, and similar to other experiences we've read about on here. so don't worry- at least know that you're not alone in your feelings, thoughts, wonderings, confusions, experiences, etc.


your role so far looks like you're the host. the host is the alter who simply takes care of everyday life things, eating, possibly working, being the "face" that everyone knows, keeping up the appearance of normality, etc.


sometimes no trauma is remembered until later. and sometimes people look over the trauma that caused it because when they look back on it, it doesn't seem "bad enough" to cause DID/DDNOS-1. people often forget that what can be/is traumatic to a child is not always traumatic to an adolescent nor an adult, nor does it always seem "that bad" when looking back on it. anything from bullying, being left home alone too much, abuse (verbal, physical, sexual, psychological, emotional), not having needs (like love, comfort, protection, etc) fulfilled, experiencing extreme stress, witnessing accidents or crimes or stressful things, losing a loved one early on, having to "grow up" quickly and act older than you were or have more responsibilities than you should've, anything that can be traumatic to a child is "enough" to cause conditions such as DID/DDNOS-1.


most importantly, though, keep in mind that not all your questions will be answered immediately, nor when you wish for them to be answered, so try to not stress yourself or worry about it too much.


- cassie (age ?)

Glad to hear it sounds familiar. They don't always talk to me, at least I don't always notice. Although that would fit with the system trying to hide from the host I suppose. My role almost feels like a director at times, not in direct control, but able to take it if I'm needed, otherwise I'm kind of along for the ride, but always aware. (Zombie mode I mentioned earlier). I seem to hold some sort of action plan and it is carried out. Others taking care of actions/communication? Possibility. Read through the links, what really stick out right now is someone else mentioning masks. Context is blurred right now, but I know I've used that term before. Should I see a T before the P-doc? What is the usual time frame for a T visit? I have another month to go before the P-doc and I've already been waiting over a month.

Love your DP/avatar is awesome -Channelle

Ghastly wrote:They don't always talk to me, at least I don't always notice. Although that would fit with the system trying to hide from the host I suppose.

the more cassandra started talking to us and being open to communication, the more we started talking to her. and the more we knew it was safe for sure, the more we started to let ourselves be known.

Ghastly wrote: My role almost feels like a director at times, not in direct control, but able to take it if I'm needed, otherwise I'm kind of along for the ride, but always aware. (Zombie mode I mentioned earlier).

cassandra is not always in control, but at first, she was almost always aware (this is called being co-conscious, where one alter is in control but more than one alter is aware of what's going on). co-consciousness was done with cassandra to help keep up the appearance of normality.

Ghastly wrote:Should I see a T before the P-doc?

um i don't know. possibly. a good, competent, psychiatrist/psychologist (forgot which one diagnoses you, that's the one you need to see, NOT the one that prescribes you meds) that's familiar with dissociative disorders should be able to help point you in the right direction. but looking into getting a therapist and into therapy is always a good choice no matter what.

Ghastly wrote: What is the usual time frame for a T visit? I have another month to go before the P-doc and I've already been waiting over a month.

um, i don't know. it depends on the person, your schedule, the therapist's schedule, the therapist, and what your needs are. we used to go once a week when we were in therapy. some people go every other week, some go twice a month, it all depends. definitely make sure the therapist you're looking into seeing is familiar with dissociative disorders, though. at the very least, a therapist that's focused on trauma and PTSD therapy, and at the very most/ideally, a therapist that's familiar with DID/DDNOS-1.


-cassie (age ?)

spanky_spee wrote:Love your DP/avatar is awesome -Channelle

Thank you! Not sure what DP means lol. The avatar is actually cropped from a wallpaper. I can give you full one if you like and I have similar one, although I believe that one and many of the others have weapons in them, so I can send them here.

tomboy24 wrote:

Ghastly wrote:Should I see a T before the P-doc?

um i don't know. possibly. a good, competent, psychiatrist/psychologist (forgot which one diagnoses you, that's the one you need to see, NOT the one that prescribes you meds) that's familiar with dissociative disorders should be able to help point you in the right direction. but looking into getting a therapist and into therapy is always a good choice no matter what.



-cassie (age ?)[/color]

(possibly another voice?) Both a psychiatrist and psychologist can diagnose, however a psychiatrist can also provide medications. I currently have a psychiatrist appt. and was wondering if I should make an additional appt. with a specialist before. They both use similar techniques to dx, but treatment will differ.

actually, i'm pretty sure one specializes in diagnosing, and one specializes in providing medications, but i think that yes, to some extent, both can technically diagnose, but it's better to go to the one who focuses more on the diagnosing than the medications. (this stuff i know from what rain's told me before about this kind of stuff and from what i've read on here about it too).


i would probably make another appointment with someone else just in case anyway. especially in case the psychiatrist you're seeing now isn't familiar with dissociative disorders, or in case you can find someone who's more familiar with them or even specializes in them.


- cassie (age ?)

Can't forget Danny /Daniel 7or younger roll:has something to do with anxiety I think. Has to be a daydream. Can't be real. So tired. What am I. Can't be real Can't be real Can't be real. Voices or dreams? Triggered? FML. Nothing seems real anyway anymore, has to be a dream. In a life that has become liken to a dream.

-- Mon Mar 11, 2013 10:47 am --

Talked this morning.I remain coconcious until ready would be to traumatic to system and myself ATM. No system. No system? Me? So lost. All a dream? All a daydream? All a lie? So lost.



EDIT in place of new post: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ByHqzBd2-lE


Another Edit: not sure what just happened. I was there I and (thought) i was in control. But emotions that I don't think were wholly mine have had me incapped most of the day. Starting to feel better. Details if you're interested later.

Please calm down, take some deep breaths, count to ten, drink some water, and come at this with a clearer, more logical mindset.

This is not a lie. This is not a dream. This is not a daydream. This IS real, this is very, very real, even though it may not seem like it. Right now you are slightly dissociated, possibly experiencing derealization and maybe some depersonalization, which is why this doesn't feel that real and seems like a dream, but this IS real, all of it is.

What you are also starting to experience right now is the defensive mechanism of doubt and denial that kicks in to try and help keep any alters/parts, DID/DDNOS-1 symptoms, etc., hidden from you and from conscious awareness and knowledge. Remember, they're still trying to help you cope and function while seeming, feeling, and acting as "normal" and "ok" as possible. If any alters/parts are learned about or noticed, if symptoms are noticed or worried about, if the DID/DDNOS-1 is obvious, then that's not helping you to seem, feel, or act as "normal" and "ok" as possible, so your mind will try to hide it from you, mainly by using doubt/denial to try and make you think this is all fake, or a lie, or something else. But this is not fake, and this is not a lie, and this is all very real. I'm not a professional, so I can't tell you for sure that you have DID/DDNOS-1, but from what I've read about how you feel and your experiences, you definitely should be looking into getting a diagnosis or into therapy (preferably both if you can), and you definitely seem to at the very least have some sort of dissociative disorder.



Try to work on grounding and calming techniques. Deep breathing, counting to ten, using self-talk to help reassure yourself that you're ok and safe, and to maybe help narrate to yourself what's going on to help you feel more "here" and focused on the "now", wearing comfy clothes, maybe putting on a happy or funny movie, maybe putting on some relaxing or calming music, surrounding yourself with things that make you feel safe and comfortable (like blankets, pillows, stuffed animals, whatever), maybe having a safety/comfort object (like a keychain or a favorite jewelry or a favorite piece of clothing or a stuffed animal or something), basically, be nice to yourself and comfort yourself. Everything is ok, even if it doesn't feel or seem like it, and you're not alone in your experiences, feelings, thoughts, confusions, or struggles. *safe hugs if wanted*


- Cassie (age ?)

Hey Cassie. Thank you. Coming back to "center" Read the some of the edits on the above post for main status info. Is it possible I'm actually trying to push things along too fast? All I can really say is that was..painful/weird in retrospect. Going for a short walk to try to dissipate some of this residual chemical anxiety. Safe hugs always welcome!