Making progress with traumatized alter

This post is going to be triggering in regards to mentions of specific abuse (will be marked prominently in the post) and in general as it is about a traumatized alter in our system and how we have been able to help her.

We have an alter who is constantly re-living the abuse she has lived through. We don't know if she only has a few memories or if her job is very specific or if that is only what she has shared so far. In any circumstance, this alter has not had any idea where we are, what year it is, that we are safer now etc. She lives on the inside in a continuous loop of re-experiencing the abuse she has suffered in the past.

*specifics talked about here*
She relives being violently sexually assaulted in the shower and trying to scream, but having almost no sound come out and trying to grab a hold of something on the side of the shower to try to run away. This is unsuccessful and the only images and emotions she shares is that of being naked, ashamed, violated, being silenced, trying to scream, being deeply upset and hurt, being dirty, being in pain and being very confused.
*specifics end*

She has not responded to any of us writing to her, talking to her, trying to find her in the inner world or any other means of communication that we have tried. Before the holiday's though, we were talking with our SO about what we could do to help her. We came to the conclusion that if we can't help her (right now) with getting out of the memory, we can try to help her experience it in a different way. We talked about a few things before we thought of something that resonated with something/someone inside: a bathrobe. At the time we kept seeing flashes of bathrobes and a "movie" in our head where someone held the bathrobe to their body (we didn't and do still not know if this was our system manager trying to share this with her or if it were her noticing the conversation herself). We had no idea how to relay this to her in any way but we went out and looked at lots of bathrobes to see if any of the would spark some sort of connection or emotion. After a good while we found a huge pink bathroom that's incredibly soft and, especially considering our small stature, very covering. We packed it up and for the holiday's tried to give it to her. We had our system manager (the most powerful alter in our system) open the gift in hopes of this alter somehow noticing. We hung it up next to our bed and we told everyone in our system that if they ever feel her close by, to put the robe on (this includes but is not limited to if they feel her being scared, the sensations she sometimes gives the body or if we are in a stressful situation and feel her presence in any way) and make a point of it being "her robe". We have never talked with this alter.

She has now come out 3 times to take the robe and toss it on laundry pile or to stand with her face buried in it. She seems to understand that it is her's and when we have been in a specific type of stressful situation after this she has stayed away and not been as fearful as before. She seems to understand that we are trying and we have now heard her crying because of conversations we have had, which means she is hearing and experiencing more of our life now than before.

The next things we are planning on giving her are some beautiful soaps and lotions (we're trying to make a point of giving her something that we form some sort of connection with, be it for aesthetics or anything else for her to more easily pick up on it) and then go on to giving her something for outside of the trauma -- like tea or something relaxing for her to "do upon leaving the shower".

We have had great progress with this alter. This has gone so much better and faster than we could ever imagine. She deserves to have a life where she is present and to have a life with dignity. This might not work for anyone else - but it could be worth a try

lifelongthing wrote:We have had great progress with this alter. This has gone so much better and faster than we could ever imagine. She deserves to have a life where she is present and to have a life with dignity. This might not work for anyone else - but it could be worth a try

Lifelongthing: So good to read that you are seeing progress with this alter - Your idea of reaching out to this alter makes me wonder if I could reach the part of me that has been stuck in one of those trauma loops - thanks for relaying your experiences...

Thank you I figure it's worth a try if you can

We've worked so hard to reach those that are hard to reach so we're trying to relay what we've done in the hopes that someone else might be able to use something as a starting point or something to try at least

The very best of luck. Feel free to write here (or anywhere of course, or by PM) if it works for you

Wonderful! We have made progress with one of our most angry/destructive alters. Our therapist encouraged us to get a "toy" specifically for him. The toy boxes are quite general at the moment and there was nothing there specifically his. I managed to connect with him inside and worked out what he wanted; and even though it triggers some of us a LOT, he at least knows hes respected and wanted just like the rest of us and overall he is beginning to communicate with us a lot more which is always good. Not exactly the same situation as what you described but still, it is so important to find something to reach those alters hardest to reach

-B

I'm glad to hear that Bourbon - it is so very important

Very interesting! I have never explored what my traumatized alter needs? Reaching out specifically to them seems like a good idea but is something I have never done unless by writing.

So I have a traumatized "little" who is stuck in a trauma loop because of a phone call re an emergency situation. Something like this: ***somewhat TRIGGER?

The phone rings and a message is left late at night. I (adult) go to listen to the message but I switch and a little hears the message: "There's been a family emergency please call home "

So I am a bit confused - first of all I have no idea about DID when this event happens! But now looking back on that day, I realize that my little is the one who retrieved the phone message and then called home to get the rest of the bad news.It would have been a lot easier on me if my "tough girl" had handled the situation that day but no, she was no where to be found.

MY little (5-9) had the job of dealing with the family emergency phone call.

SO now the little is stuck in the "phone call loop" - There's been an emergency...there's been and emergency, please call home..." over and over and over and over. And sometimes it will bump into the next loop which contains actual details of the emergency. And then this will play over and over.

The only contact I have with this little is when she writes in my journal or when she comes out to read the journal during therapy.

Perhaps I need to give her something? Tell her something? I really don't know...

It's so distressing to me that I allowed a little to take that call...I mean I wouldn't even tell my own children the details of this event and they are teens/older teens.

Thoughts on helping this traumatized little?

It's good to see you posting, even if on such a hard topic as this.

Thank you for sharing that.
I've tried to brainstorm some about this both between us and with our SO and here are our suggestions:

* You said you got a message; do you have the option of leaving a message for yourself (either by cell to your home number, vice versa or something else) so that you could leave a positive message for this alter once a week or something like that? Where you could make a point of telling her that it's safe now and that if she listens to the phone it won't say the same thing etc? It might take a long, long time - but trying to reach her deliberately might help.

* Do you doodle while you talk on the phone normally? If so, maybe you could buy a pretty book, write (and tell her as best as you can) that this is her book and then have each person doodle things when you're on the phone/listening to messages etc so that she might be able to connect to the book and then be focused on something besides the call, or communicate more through it?

* Have you tried something as simple as trying to find something she likes and for instance, if you have an answering machine, put stickers on it or similar? We have some alters in our system, Anastasia who is 5 amongst others, who is very afraid of our vacuum cleaner. We got her some princess stickers that she's put all over it so it feels less triggering and scary to her, and she can now occasionally look at it without having a panic attack.

These are probably all silly suggestions, but they were just something we came up with I hope you find something that can help your little one. Wishing you the very best of luck

lifelongthing wrote:* You said you got a message; do you have the option of leaving a message for yourself (either by cell to your home number, vice versa or something else) so that you could leave a positive message for this alter once a week or something like that? Where you could make a point of telling her that it's safe now and that if she listens to the phone it won't say the same thing etc? It might take a long, long time - but trying to reach her deliberately might help.

Thank you & SO so much for the great ideas!!

I really like the idea of leaving a voice mail (perhaps on my cell) that she can listen to! I also like your other ideas - this gets me thinking of other things to try.

Great thoughts for us to pursue!

Thanks for this post! I like it when someone else can verbalize similar things to what I experience. I have been trying to reach my littles with varied success. I realize after you wrote this is that I was carrying a few things around for my little 5 year old J (we still aren't so comfortable with full names here) and he did identify with them, and they made him feel special and connected. I was doing my big person job but there were little person things in my office and purse and pocket. But you are right maybe this could be a way to reach the little girl I posted about in the other thread. But i do need to do something just for her.

great work on your part though. very inspiring.

Thank you for sharing that

great work on your part though. very inspiring.

Thank you We thought we'd try to write it all down in case someone else might find it useful too