Triggers, flashbacks

Maybe some sort of venting/rant (don't really know the difference )

So, I think the time has come for the memories to surface. *sigh* finally

I'm constantly getting pain (body memories?), bad feelings (mainly nausea) and expressions of pain. The last ones are a bit weird: I let it just happen, but it's (almost) only the expression of pain. If someone would see me, they would think there was something seriously hurting me. But I don't feel pain. (Is this common? It just seems weird to express pain but to not feel it.)

Well, not constantly. It seems to happen very frequently whenever I'm thinking about it. Still not tired of it, but I'm afraid that won't take long. But it feels to happen constantly.

I have a few questions.
* What are triggers exactly? I've read about them, but it's not clear to me what it exactly means. To be more clear,

• There seem to be events that cause a switch - obviously a trigger.
• Some events/things can cause a flashback. Also obviously a trigger.
• Sometimes, certain things/words/etc can evoke some kind of bad feeling.
• (*possible trigger*) And sometimes, some things can cause avoidance. Or something. Is that the right word? I think so.Let me explain. I avoid a certain song that's (as I interpret it) about cheating in a relationship. It just feels wrong to listen to it. yeah, right. And I avoid anything that's even very remotely connected to sexual interaction (this includes hugging, for example, even when it's not even remotely romantically meant.). I still do it, though, but I don't entirely feel good to do it.

* And what are flashbacks exactly?

• Is just the expression of pain also a flashback?
• And what if we're really there? Where it happened?
• Is only having pain (possibly without the expression) also a flashback?
• And is having that expression of pain actually useful? Does it help process things? It feels like it's useful (better to relive it than just put it away, I would say

-San
~host (more like a mixture, but anyway) colors! huh? Someone prevents me from deleting that last strange thing. not bad. I'm someone. (hmm... something's mixed up here... ) Anyway...
-I-dont-know
(sorry for making stuff so mixed up... apparently they're taking control while typing)

oaktree wrote:And what are flashbacks exactly?

It is a symptom of PTSD, and any alter can have a flashback. It is an involuntary recurrent memory, that yes it triggered by something.

It is as if the alter is reliving a part of a traumatic event. They can be minor or severe, but where the alter looses a connection with the present or they loose all awareness of what is going on are are totally engrossed in the traumatic event. It can be as minor as a scent or as dramatic as seeing and feeling the one that caused the trauma in the first place.

Several brain regions of the brain are involved in flashbacks, but I doubt you wanted me to go into those. Professionals have still not reached a consensus of cause of flashbacks, but this is a good paper on it.

Our results confirm that the episodic memory system in PTSD is likely intact, and provide some preliminary evidence that flashbacks may be associated with increases in activity in areas associated with the dorsal visual stream, coupled with decreases in ventral stream activity. Our data also support previous indications that PTSD patients can discriminate the occurrence of flashbacks during written narratives (Hellawell and Brewin, 2002 and Hellawell and Brewin, 2004). Consistent with the fact that the parts of narratives that involve flashbacks contain more motion words (Hellawell & Brewin, 2004), the increased activations in numerous areas of motor cortex suggest that flashbacks are a form of memory that facilitates action on the environment (such as fight or flight).

The data may also have a bearing on the controversy concerning dual-process models of recognition memory. Although comparisons of recollection and familiarity are often confounded with strong and weak memories respectively (Squire et al., 2007 and Wixted, 2007), these two processes may nevertheless have separate neural substrates (Dörfel et al., 2009, Rugg and Yonelinas, 2003 and Yonelinas et al., 2005). Our findings suggest that even intense autobiographical memories, experienced with extreme clarity and vividness, may sometimes demonstrate a neural signature that more closely resembles familiarity than recollection.

http://www.sciencedirect.com/science/ar ... 2612001364

to me, a trigger is anything that can cause a change in perception, anxiety level, and functionality. What I mean is you might physically stop doing what you're doing, feel more hyper-alert or anxious or scared or any emotion that wasn't there just a second ago and can change perception as far as "I feel safe walking' to 'someone is there...'

One way to work through a triggering event (if you feel your emotions or switchy) is to try to focus on what you were just doing....and what happened before the feelings started...then, 'shelf it'. Tell yourself you will give it more thought later (like with a counselor if you have one) but for now you will refocus on finishing whatever it was you were doing whether it was watching a show or typing or whatever..

just some thoughts... you are doing a great job listing and listening to your own responses and system! You are recognizing and categorizing them in a way that does and will make sense when you are able to give it attention. "making sense' is something that really helps us push through some triggers. For example, you mention avoiding anything remotely sexual. This makes perfect sense that you would do this if you have been in a situation where sexuality was hurtful to you physically or emotionally (boy I hope I didn't trigger you there!) but focus on what I said - anyone who has experienced abuse is going to have normal aversions to being put in a situation that reminds (or could duplicate) the bad experience. Not feeling good about these things...also, normal. We, who have been abused, even if we don't remember/know all the details/memories; usually have feelings of shame, fear, and aloneness.

But we don't have to stay in those feelings. You display courage, strength, and intellect and you have people - here on this board - who care about you and accept you!

Warm thoughts to you!

Then I think these expressions of pain are indeed flashbacks. I am still conscious as to what is going on and it still doesn't feel like I am reliving something. But whoever it is, is certainly very scared/hurt. It usually lasts a few seconds, so I'm usually just letting it happen (when I'm alone, NOT with people around me). It happens very often, including a few times while reading these replies (probably there were some triggers, but I don't really care. Triggers seem to be everywhere and happen quite randomly. Even thinking about it (trigger) causes another trigger. (trigger))

One (or two?) times I got voluntarily (although I hadn't planned it, I merely let it happen) in a state in which I was there, and at the same time here. I could see things happening. But I knew it wasn't real (at least, not real as in really happening right at that moment), I still was aware of the present. I still hope it wasn't real (most likely in vain).

I have started writing down any new information I get, so I can get a complete picture one day. To not forget stuff again. Separate from my journal as information gets easily lost there.

Feelings of shame, fear, and aloneness. I have all of them. But I never connected it to them. Shame... Maybe the feelings are just buried deep down, but I doubt it is much related. I have an extreme fear of when I have agreed upon a time with people and they just don't turn up. Or when I'm too late and other people are already gone. I think that's a trigger for me. I've always thought it was just the autism. Maybe it's more than just that.

Thank you HopeIsHere for the thoughts.