Do I know you?

I wish I had those stories for reference on behavioral charicteristics. Cross referencing. However, The Mother still has them is is not likely to retern them any time soon, If ever.
Guess I'm starting over then...*sigh*

I'm sorry to hear that.

The only reason I still have mine is because I took it upon myself to never, ever, let any of my papers, notebooks, etc., out of my possession, and the fact that my dad, though he read from several of my private diaries and notebooks (the b@st@rd), he never took any (though he did try to make me burn one of them one time, and I refused, and that resulted in a huge fight, though I was still able to keep my journal), and when he moved he gave me like, everything from the house anyway (yeah dad, thanks a lot, just dump a house full of stuff on me, 'cause I so have the ability to have it, store it, keep it, and move it. ).

But starting over isn't entirely bad. I've re-started over so many times just to make sure I was sure, or to re-organize things, or to edit things that had changed, etc.


-Cassandra

So II have no idea at all why but for some reason I feel compelled to tell you something I hadn't realized I'd forgotten till I was reminded by something.(?)
So I used to role play Online with people on an IM called Pesterchum. I uzed to get so many complements on keeping my characters separate. I used to have like 7 windows open with seven different characters and stories and such and people who I had multiple characters in an RP with said it was like I truely was those characters. I never messed up with mannerisms and such. One of my most common was Sieya. Though I never remember them clearly unless it's the one I just be myself with. She was shy and timmid and quiet. Very sweet and caring and observant of others. Once I had a memo open with A few friends And I had Sieya and another character in the same memo. I got complememts of keeping them seperate in my head...(?) It was not hard at all. In fact I didnt really even consentrate on it. Switch windows. Switch people. I felt like a cheat, though I don't know why. Weird I know. But anywayz... I figured it was just cus I wrote so well/often?.....

It would be extremely easy for someone with any dissociative disorder to keep separate conversations and such like that separate. Especially since I have a suspicion that your characters are most likely possible parts/alters that are actually very real, just as most of my characters that I wrote about in my stories turned out to be alters that were very real that I hadn't realized I had yet. A huge sign to me that these characters are possible parts/alters is the fact that you were able to do so well and keep them so separate and yet not remember them clearly now/out of the role play. What it seems like to me is that possible parts/alters of you were using the role play as a way to express themselves and be themselves without freaking you out or drawing attention to themselves.

-Cassandra

I didn't even have to reread the last posts, which I only now suspect that may be a bit odd... Well crap... Why did they start deciding to write in a journal After My fiend introduced me to His boyfriend...? Why am I capitalizing Certain words??? Moving on... That would make sense in context... Well crap. Now I don't really know what to think... The dreams I happen to remember often involve my characters.... And the world I use in my stories... It's not exactly the same... but I changed it for more interesting story backgrounds... ;oadfhv;iadbfv;iadbfviBDEFV Poop.

Deep breaths, calm down, relax. Don't start flooding yourself with questions, because you won't be able to answer all of them right away. It's ok. If you need to, take a break from this. Realizing and accepting this stuff isn't easy. Don't be too hard on yourself. Just know that you're ok, and that DID is a very strong possible explanation for your experiences, memory issues, etc. (Which is a good thing. Better to know what's going on and be able to seek out help for it than to not know what's going on and not progress or start to heal or anything).

-Cassandra

Ohboy... I keep having flashes of memory. Mostly when I get tired. But I really don't like it. It makes me dread sleep. Then There are things I didn't know I had forgotten till I remember them, and consequently all the other times I had remembered them(?) if that makes sense...

It does make sense. I've had similar experiences. And what you describe is typical within dissociative disorders/DID. Just try to breathe and stay calm. Maybe look for positive distractions, like a happy or relaxing song, or a funny movie, or something to help you out.

-Cassandra

I'm trying to be the chill. But I have a blasted headache... I don't think Tylenol will help. It usually doesn't.
Oh.
Now I'm completely blank.

Yeah, headaches can happen, and they can suck sometimes, so I'm sorry for that. Maybe it's time to go and rest and lay down and be calm or something? Maybe even try to take a nap?

Blankness can happen. Especially after a burst of "activity" and after working on awareness and learning about yourself. For me, when that happens, it's a sign that I need a break from everything and should just go rest or get lost in an activity or a positive distraction or something.

Hope you feel better soon.


-Cassandra